SAHP or working is better?

[smurf]

jedamum:

i agree. products from same factory, same environment can have different outcome also.
and also, parent's personality plays a part too. some parents make good sahp while others make better parents when they are ftwp (cos absence makes the heart grown fonder?).

I agreed with this. being with kids whole day can be very frustrating. and when one dun have patience, one could take it out on the child.

[Funz]

Whether the child will benefit from a SAHP depends on the kid’s character as well at the parent’s character as well.


If I were to be a SAHM, think my kids will suffer.

I have seen kids who are struggling really benefit when their mothers quit to spend more time with them.

And I have seen kids who are doing well regress when the mum decided to quit to spend more time with them.

There is no single perfect method when it comes to raising kids.

[Emelyn]

smurf:

only thing is the mum very nagging.

oops.... i better stop nagging....
my children find me very naggy

[tamarind]

[quote]
This lead me to the next question: does it mean that being a SAHM, that means you have more time to teach the kids?

There are tons of chores to do...from mopping floor, to cooking, etc...and sometimes, dun even have time to lunch...whereas, being a FTWM, you can have your time slowly lunching with colleagues...and kids basic needs are being taken care of (by maids, childcare, or parents, etc)...but of course, after work, gotta rush back, pick up kids, cook, etc...[/quote]There is definitely not much time to teach the kids if you have to do all the housework.

That is why a maid is essential. If you are a SAHM and have a maid as well, that will be the best arrangement

I have heard of SAHMs who do not have maids and don't do any housework. Their hubbys do all the house work when they return home. That is even better

For me, I prefer to work full time, then employ a maid, so that I still have time to teach the kids after I return from work. Without a maid, I will have a very hard time handling housework.

Also, the truth is that not all mommies are good teachers. If you find yourself screaming at the child everyday in order to get him to study, then it is probably not a good idea to teach him yourself. Learning at home is effective only if mommy can make it fun and enjoyable for the child.

[skunk]

smurf:

I agreed with this. being with kids whole day can be very frustrating. and when one dun have patience, one could take it out on the child.

wah, if like this, then it makes no difference whether SAHP or FTWP or whatever-parent....because a person with no patience, will not make a good parent no matter what.

Just as we want to train our children to become better people, I also believe God sent our children to train us to become more patient, better people. Unless we're open to this idea, we will not become good parents, and shouldn't be parents in the first place.

I'm now still a very nasty person, but i was even nastier and meaner before LOL

[skunk]

tamarind:

Learning at home is effective only if mommy can make it fun and enjoyable for the child.

I agree with everything u have said, except this point.

Learning/studying is dead serious business...if it's \"fun and enjoyable\" all the time, then we would all be scholars lol....sometimes it really isn't fun, and TV and computer games are more enjoyable...and if both parent and child understand this and approach it with a more stoic and pragmatic attitude, I believe it would be more sustainable.

Thus, sometimes, some scolding might be necessary....of course, i agree that mommy can't be screaming at the kid all the time....

[foreverj]

as much as possible, i advocate for one SAHP for the kids. somehow, i feel, the effect is just different, as compared to the care giving by grandparent or maid. personally, i feel that the confidence that at least one of the parents is always around when needed is comforting and assuring for the children.


maybe becos i am assuming most grandparents who r the caregivers r likely not highly educated (of course there r exceptions to this) and hence may not use the most appropriate parenting n disciplinary measures although they may have a lot of love to give. sometimes also cannot blame them cos they r the grandparents not the parents and hence may not have the authority or r not in the best position to discipline. or simply, by virtue of the God-given authority that parents are entrusted, children take the words of their parents much more seriously than any other person. i know this is true for myself. i m definitely more shaken when the words come from my parents, esp my father. i dun remember anything significant (pertaining to discipline) coming frm my grandmother though.

i m not saying one needs high education to bring up children well. but at least the SAHP needs to have the ability to evaluate and think thru and decide what is the most effective method of parenting that works for his or her own child. even between diff children of the same parents also need diff methods. n not just keep scolding the children everytime they defy orders.

as for maids - worse. they probably quite heck-care although i’ve seen domestic maids being very attached to the children and care and love them very much. but stil, again, not much discipline. they likely just want the children to love them back.

[foreverj]

having said the above, i feel that if the SAHP is able to find time eg. when the kids r off to school, its stil good to be able to work and earn an income for extra cash. so its doesn't mean one has to choose either only SAHP or only work. best if there could be a good balance

[smurf]

another arrangement: put the child in full time childcare (not those expensive kind), mum does chores during the day, kid goes back after 5pm...and mum then can teach the child? how about that? good?


Skunk,

I agreed with your point, my boy find it hard to sit down and learn. I think he is used to 'learn thru play'method. I know some topic can be very dry, and not fun at all. so when it comes to such topic, he :siam: .hahha.

but some fun is ok, I know Tamarind is using such method and she teaches her children very well.

[mummy of 2]

foreverj:

as for maids - worse. they probably quite heck-care although i've seen domestic maids being very attached to the children and care and love them very much. but stil, again, not much discipline. they likely just want the children to love them back.

I totally agree. My previous maid was very attached to my kids, esp DD2. To the extent that she tried to stop us from disciplining DD2. That happened a few days before her contract ended. I did not say anything as i thought it was poitnless. But I knew we could not let her continue working for us again, unless we want DD2 to become a spoilt brat :stupid: