All About Autism
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Immeemee,
Just a month ago, I was feeling really very xian, tired n overwhelmed by the daily issues that I have to handle...And now I'm happy n thankful for what I have... I'm still having the same set of problem, same commitment, same routine but in a different mood. Not that I have adjusted my expectation, gave up helping my son or stopped thinking of his future.. Cos I know that no matter what happens in the future, I will do my best to help my boy to fit into this society.. I usually don't allow myself to dwell on the problems for too long or let the feeling of anger, frustration, dejection spoil my day.. We r mothers.. it is very natural that we want to protect our babies n worry for their future.. It's ok to feel lousy but don't be too hard on yourself k..
And Thank u for your sharing. Your past sharings on your emotion helping your girl finding a preschool n the issues having to stay with mil.. I had those problem too.. It helps as I know I am not alone dealing with those issues...
Go start a new hobby, distract yourself from the worry.. Come get some grains from me..kefir is loaded with tryptophan.. Will make u happy after drinking it... -
Hi everyone
It's really great to receive so much encouragement. Thanks!
It's one of those days where the mind was weaker than usual and the physical being was more tired than usual. So the net result was a downhill slide.
It was also largely because I was beginning to question myself about all the academic push and its value to this child of mine. So what if the child knows about classification between living and non-living things. So what if the child knows how to fill in the blanks for Comprehension Cloze without helping words. So what if the child knows how to interpret twisted questions in Math. How does this contribute to her future towards being independent? How does this contribute to her being able to take care of herself into the future?
They say we must maintain a balance between academic work and self-help skills. Truth be told, school work and its toil is really eating into the latter, and I find that I seem to be fighting a losing battle in maintaining a proper balance with the two. The focus seems to be intuitively wrong somewhere. Given the nature of our children, should she not be in a system where she learns some vocational skill since young, as well as focus on the daily living skills. The ultimate aim is for her to be able to hold down a job when she is an adult, and take care of herself, with some support from siblings.
And how is she going to do that with the current system. These are real questions that I have to ask myself to prepare for the eventual when I am not with her anymore.
I am not quite sure where this academic push is leading us. -
ImMeeMee:
I think, if parents are thick-skinned enough, that they can ignore the academic push to some extent. Just tell the teachers that your priorities for the child are different. You can have her do what you feel is reasonable, and if she is behind others, don't sweat it. There is no need to be scoring the same marks as everyone else. Focus on what you intuitively believe to be useful (and really, most of the basic Pr school curriculum is instrinsically useful, just that it gets dressed up for PSLE to sort the best from the rest). Then you can have time to work on life skills etc.They say we must maintain a balance between academic work and self-help skills. Truth be told, school work and its toil is really eating into the latter, and I find that I seem to be fighting a losing battle in maintaining a proper balance with the two. The focus seems to be intuitively wrong somewhere. Given the nature of our children, should she not be in a system where she learns some vocational skill since young, as well as focus on the daily living skills. The ultimate aim is for her to be able to hold down a job when she is an adult, and take care of herself, with some support from siblings.
And how is she going to do that with the current system. These are real questions that I have to ask myself to prepare for the eventual when I am not with her anymore.
I am not quite sure where this academic push is leading us.
Once in sec school, the pathways are quite diverse and can cater for many ability levels. If your daughter isn't suited for Express, there's NA, NT. After that, if JC or poly isn't suitable, there's ITE. If your daughter is slow-maturing like mine, my daughter is 19 and taking A levels at MI, probably going to do quite badly (there is a self-esteem issue we have to keep working on), so we are asking her to consider poly and then a job. We tell her there is no shame in taking longer as long as she stays positive and keeps working at it. There can be a mismatch if the child's cognitive level in a few areas is higher, but weighed down by other, weak areas. That's my daughter's problem, and we have dealt with it by keeping her at a pace where her weaker areas can cope, and letting her read etc to keep her interested in some of the other areas where she is stronger. That's also why we are stretching out her education so much - she is bright enough in some areas where it would be a pity to stop too soon, but she is weak in many areas that make the normal academic route out of her reach.
SG Enable now has various jobs that people with ASD can do, and hopefully, by the time your daughter is of working age, there will be more workplaces open to her.
I can only say that you should make the choices that are right for your child, even if flies in the face of the norms. And you're right, we have to think about their lives, not just the next exam. -
ImMeeMee:
Given the nature of our children, should she not be in a system where she learns some vocational skill since young, as well as focus on the daily living skills.
Er....isn't your child in Pathlight which leads to a Vocational track?
The academic push is because our children should not be illiterate and innumerate, no? They should understand the basics of reading and counting before going vocational, instead of going vocational from young, no? How will they receive instructions on vocational training when they can't read or count?
Daily living skills are honed over time albeit longer for our special child. For example, after 5 months in Pathlight, my son can now take out his homework file every night on his own. Good enough for me. There is some form of learning in his routine. I am sure if you look closely, your daughter is learning too.
Like I said, if you don't expect your child to have the condo and car lifestyle, they will survive in society. No problem. A simple job with a simple routine. I run a business. I have seen how people with no skills survive. I have seen people who have trade skills make more than doctors and lawyers. Don't worry.
In fact, I think they will lead happier lives because they do not worry like us. My boy has not a care in this world
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Hi Everyone
Guess the feeling of being defeated is infectious! I had the same feeling in the last two weeks after getting calls from school on my boy’s behaviour and him not scoring what I had expected in his recently ended tests. I had focused alot on his acaedemic ever since he started mainstream P1, so much that I neglected his behaviour and is showing. He is much more defiant now, knows how to talk-back, find excuses to get his way and make-up stories. Such behaviour is not being tolerated by teachers and his form teacher told me that his autism cannot always be used as an excuse for his behaviour. To the teachers, he is cheeky and somewhat naughty. I guess they also compare him to other children with similar conditions like him, though they have different sets of issues to tackle too. I was very affected by the teacher’s comment because deep down inside, I agree with the teacher too. So what if he has autism, if he is wrong and misbehaved, he needs to be discipined and punished but I am now at wit’s end on how to manage his defiant behaviour and shudder to think what he will become as he gets older when I can no longer use the cane to discipline him. There is so much to think and ponder and on top of this, there’s the academic part. He scored band 2 for all his subjects. While many would think is good enough for him, even my husband thinks so, I can’t help but think is not good enough! I don’t want to be a tiger mum but I know the curriculum will just get tougher and he will have difficulty coping next time especially comes P3 when he has to manage the Science subject. I even doubted my decision of sending him to mainstream.
Sorry for ranting on the first day of the week! Life’s not been rosy recently and such ups and downs (we parents with special kids experience even more than others) made me asked the "Why me?" question all over again.
Hope life will be kinder to all of us and our children very soon. The next time we post here, we will be sharing great news again! -
Double E:
... deep down inside, I agree with the teacher too. So what if he has autism, if he is wrong and misbehaved, he needs to be discipined and punished but I am now at wit's end on how to manage his defiant behaviour and shudder to think what he will become as he gets older when I can no longer use the cane to discipline him. There is so much to think and ponder and on top of this, there's the academic part. He scored band 2 for all his subjects. While many would think is good enough for him, even my husband thinks so, I can't help but think is not good enough! I don't want to be a tiger mum but I know the curriculum will just get tougher ...
I sympathise. My husband and I went through that, and we decided that behaviour and attitude came first, academics second. Even with all the coaching on behaviour, there are some things that are just innately her, and we cannot change the basic make-up of a person, try as we will. There are some very basic \"worldview\" differences between people on the ASD spectrum and NT people, and their black-and-white thinking will always make them different, and while we can try to help them understand the world around them, we cannot change that deepest part of their make-up. My daughter is still easily stressed, slow to act, poor in time management, doesn't see things the way NT people do, etc etc, and we are resigned that it will always be a part of her. We could force to some extent when she was younger, but at 19yo, if we have not been able to instill those basic things in her up to now, I don't think we can any more. In any case, force (caning, punishing, strict supervision etc) only works when they are small, and if they cannot be convinced to internalise the ideas, as you say, force only works up to a certain age.
Academics can be caught up with over a longer term, and we now don't care that she will be several years \"behind\" others as long as she is still moving onward. But behaviour needs to be addressed as early as possible as habits once formed are hard to break. This is my experience anyway. -
Double E:
He scored band 2 for all his subjects.
Waaaa.....band 2 and not enough?! The pressure is definitely innate! LoL
Relax lah everybody. If you are expecting a dog to talk, you got this the wrong way. The dog is not designed to talk. Your child is not designed to be a top scorer. He is just built differently. Like all of us are.
Look at your son carefully. There will be beauty about him.
Chillax. Can pass can already. -
Double E:
He scored band 2 for all his subjects.
Band 1 : 85 marks and above
Band 2 : 70 - 84
Band 3 : 50 - 69
Band 4 : below 50
Band 2 range is wide : ranging from 70 to 84.9.... (in minute decimal points)
eg
if your son score 84.5 (0.5 mark to reach 85), or score 84.9 (0.1 mark to reach 85) in any of the 3 subjects (Maths / Eng / Chinese), or anywhere preferably 75 & above within Band 2, is still considered good.
anything above 80 : is still considered good (for P1)
80 to 84.9 : is still within Band 2, the higher end of Band 2
but if Primary 1 : score Band 3, around 50+ (border-line case or just pass, upon 100), need to look out, else possible to slip into Band 4 (below 50).
for now, don't worry about Science. He's only P1.
take care of his language, first. Build up his database of vocab, make sure his vocab is strong, drill your son grammar rules, don't rely on Mainstream school's Stellar worksheets, to teach kids English.
Although your son may not talk much, but if he understand grammar rules, understand vocab (maybe see from the pictures shown), is good.
Once your son's language foundation is built strong -
- composition in P2, become less stressful
- his comprehension in P2 Maths qn asked also come in handy, bec sometimes they can \"twist & turn\" the Maths qn, or phrase it in another way
(compared to another child, whose foundation in Eng is very shaky)
having said that, behavior is still more important than marks. -
Not sure if we are missing the point here. And out comes another explanation about the mainstream education system and how to pitch. Sigh.
Do not get me wrong. I have no doubt that my daughter is learning. In fact, I think she is learning lots. Just not exactly along the lines expected within the mainstream education system. Do not get me wrong. I only intend my daughter to have a simple and independent livelihood as an adult. All the rest about cars and condos, its a bonus that is up to every child’s capability.
When your child is in Band 4 or below in her academic results, despite all the struggles and drilling that she has gone through, despite her trying her very best, what do you do. Continue to drill her at the expense of losing her self-esteem, in a system that does not suit her, or you take one step back, rework priorities, review and rethink.
That is the process that I am going through right now. And for these last few days, I have sorted out my thinking while penning down my thoughts and bouncing off here. I do not have the capability of pulling her out of the system at the current juncture, but one thing for sure, the next time when I meet her teacher about this, I will let her know explicitly that academics is not our first priority. Thanks slmkhoo for that suggestion.
Thanks all for the inputs. It takes courage to admit that we are weak at certain moments, and knowing that we will recover in time to come. mashy and Double E, hope this encounter has strengthened you in some ways. It has for me.
Cheers. -
I'm sure we have all seen this somewhere.
![](\"http://i66.tinypic.com/e667bc.jpg\")
http://i66.tinypic.com/e667bc.jpg\">
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