Difficult Relationship with Parents
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mummy of 2:
Its good that you have found some sort of middle grd with regards to this situation, mummy of 2
I told them I do not want my kids to be exposed to such situation, and am prepared to stop visiting them if this persist. It still happens but thankfully very rare. I also make it a point not to go too early - just in tme for dinner. After dinner she will disappear to the kitchen instead of spending time with me, my sis and our children. By the time she appears in the living room, we are almost ready to leave.
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Wow. I hate to pour my feelings out. But I'm in the same camp with you you two, mummy of 2 and autumnbronze. Can't make myself say more but it's been bad ...
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[quote]
Hmmmm .... what can I say, my SIL completely cut off ties with mom, even her kids don't bother calling my mom. My brother at one pt of time too, did not communicate with my mom until recently. But if push comes to shove, he will def relent and go along with his wife.
My mom can be quite a confrontational person ... hence the r/s soured bet them. Sad ... I have seen the effects on my bro's kids and that is exactly what I don't want to happen to mine.[/quote]When my brother left the house with my SIL many years back because of my mum, he was the one who completely cut ties with her...he only started communicating with her a few years later (probably after much pushing from my SIL)...My SIL is the 'meek' typed, my brother is the 'silent type' (he doesn't talk much but once he blew off his top, that's it), and my mum - the ultra 'confrontational' type ... :!: -
[quote]
Thanks. It is indeed comforting that I can get along with MIL (generally speaking).
Seeing my MIL's r/p with DH and SIl has opened my eyes to the fact that not every family is like mine.
I try to provide a home environment that is as different from the one I grew up in as possible.[/quote]Both my mum and MIL are abt the same age, and both are the typical SAHM who look after their kids while their hubbies bring back the bacon. But that's where the similarity stops. My FIL has passed away before I met DH but according to him, his mum & dad had a loving r/s all these years. Seeing my MIL's r/s with DH and his siblings, I really 'envy' them...I swear to myself that when I have my own kids, I will make sure that DH & me provide them with the same love and care as DH's family... -
mummy of 2:
And my mother is really calculating when it comes to $. She does not understand that there are more impt things in life.
Haha! Seems that we have another similarity here when it comes to the character of our mum.
When I was in Sec 1 (yearsssss ago), I worked as a sales assistant in one of the departmental store during the Jun hols to earn some pocket $$. Well, it was my first time working as a student and I was a real blur queen then...when I eventually got my pay (in cash in an envelope - yar, during that time, that's how salary was paid out to part-timers or students), I can still remember how happy I was. I thought I put my 'pay packet' in my bag but when I went home - to my horror, I realised that it was GONE!! I have no idea why it was not there in my bag anymore etc but that's besides the point. The first thing my mum asked when I came home was where is the $$ (I told her I'm getting my salary that day) and I have to tell her that I actually lost it.
Well, of course she did't believed me. She started scolding me, accusing me of lying to her, and being unfilial because I kept the $$ myself instead of giving it to her, which should be the 'right' thing to do etc. I remember crying my heart out that time because firstly, I had lost my 'hard-earned' $$ and secondly, my mum is screaming her head out at me because she thought I refused to hand out my pay...She continued ranting until my brother came out of his room and SHOUTED at her to STOP shouting. He scolded my mother for being so 'money minded' before getting out of the house, slamming the door behind him...
Sorry for the long story but that episode left a huge -ve impression on me. It has been ages since this happen but till today, I can't still get rid of it... -
autumnbronze:
I suppose as a mother, she may love us, but she has never shown us or done anything to indicate that.
This is exactly how I feel about my mother too! I always try to remind myself that she is trying in her own way. Unfortunately her way is not quite effective (for me).
I think she makes herself miserable to some extent. laways comparing with others, only remembering the things she has done for her children but never appreciating the effort that we make for her. If she could chnage her perspective, and maybe her behaviour, things will probably be better at home. But she never seems to catch on that she can and should do something about it. -
sakura_2009:
Both my mum and MIL are abt the same age, and both are the typical SAHM who look after their kids while their hubbies bring back the bacon. But that's where the similarity stops. My FIL has passed away before I met DH but according to him, his mum & dad had a loving r/s all these years. Seeing my MIL's r/s with DH and his siblings, I really 'envy' them...I swear to myself that when I have my own kids, I will make sure that DH & me provide them with the same love and care as DH's family...[/quote]Both MIL and mother are SAHM but that's where the similarity ends. My MIL is younger and had some education. She is literate in Chinese and can speak a little English. She reads the papers and is willing to learn and improve. oh, and she's a fantastic cook[quote]
Thanks. It is indeed comforting that I can get along with MIL (generally speaking).
Seeing my MIL's r/p with DH and SIl has opened my eyes to the fact that not every family is like mine.
I try to provide a home environment that is as different from the one I grew up in as possible. Her focus is clearly on the family - their welfare and happiness being of utmost importance. When it comes to money, she is thrifty, but she will spend on what's important for the family. She will not stinge on buying good ingredients so that the family can have a wholseome meal.
My mother is illiterate, can't cook well, and keeping the house clean is more impt than anything else. She is thirfty with everything.
It sounds horrible when I put it like that but it's the absolute truth :!: -
sakura_2009:
Poor you. You must have felt really hurt :snuggles:mummy of 2:
And my mother is really calculating when it comes to $. She does not understand that there are more impt things in life.
Haha! Seems that we have another similarity here when it comes to the character of our mum.
When I was in Sec 1 (yearsssss ago), I worked as a sales assistant in one of the departmental store during the Jun hols to earn some pocket $$. Well, it was my first time working as a student and I was a real blur queen then...when I eventually got my pay (in cash in an envelope - yar, during that time, that's how salary was paid out to part-timers or students), I can still remember how happy I was. I thought I put my 'pay packet' in my bag but when I went home - to my horror, I realised that it was GONE!! I have no idea why it was not there in my bag anymore etc but that's besides the point. The first thing my mum asked when I came home was where is the $$ (I told her I'm getting my salary that day) and I have to tell her that I actually lost it.
Well, of course she did't believed me. She started scolding me, accusing me of lying to her, and being unfilial because I kept the $$ myself instead of giving it to her, which should be the 'right' thing to do etc. I remember crying my heart out that time because firstly, I had lost my 'hard-earned' $$ and secondly, my mum is screaming her head out at me because she thought I refused to hand out my pay...She continued ranting until my brother came out of his room and SHOUTED at her to STOP shouting. He scolded my mother for being so 'money minded' before getting out of the house, slamming the door behind him...
Sorry for the long story but that episode left a huge -ve impression on me. It has been ages since this happen but till today, I can't still get rid of it...
I have an incident to share too. I was an undergrad then. It was near CNY and my mother came to nag me about cutting my hair. I was still asleep when I came into my room, and I just told her \"no need\", as I did not want to go to salon and wait for ages just to getmy hair cut before CNY. She thought it's becasue I did not want to pay more for the haircut (since the salon charges more when it's near CNY), so she put some money on my table and told me to go and cut my hair. I went back to sleep after this.
Then I heard her talking on the phone (to my sis or some other relative) that I'm such a miser, don't want to pay more for haircut. She has to pay for me!
She's the one who insisted that I get a haircut, and gave me the money. I did not ask her for it. And I was still a student then. To think that she would go and complain about this to someone else. -
sakura_2009:
Unfortunately, my SIL capitalized on my bro's passive character and instigated both him and the kids agst mom.
When my brother left the house with my SIL many years back because of my mum, he was the one who completely cut ties with her...he only started communicating with her a few years later (probably after much pushing from my SIL)...My SIL is the 'meek' typed, my brother is the 'silent type' (he doesn't talk much but once he blew off his top, that's it), and my mum - the ultra 'confrontational' type ... :!:
Haiz, it take 2 hands to clap lah .... for my family's case that is. -
Blobbi:
Wow. I hate to pour my feelings out. But I'm in the same camp with you you two, mummy of 2 and autumnbronze. Can't make myself say more but it's been bad ...
To be honest Blobbi,
I am surprised (and I can't use the word pleasantly, cuz I know its not appropriate, but I do believe you know what I mean really) at the response to this thread.
This issue, I feel, is kind of taboo ... I mean who likes to talk abt their family right?? But hey, if it makes us feel better and lighter, then why not ...
And anyway, its a platform for us to share and learn and inspire and encourage us to move forward as well ......
Who knew the few of us would have had/are having similar experiences with regards to our r/s with our mom/family - its uncanny
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