hello! can any parents of existing girls kindly share what your dd’s after school timetable is like?


e.g. Mon, Wed, Fri - CCA

What about Tues/Thurs/Sat? Required to stay back for house practices or project mtgs?

anyone knows if MEP needs to stay back or it will be covered during curriculum time?

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2082053\" time=\"1663052046\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2082053 time=1663052046 user_id=53606]
Well I have done my absolute best as a parent for his DSA. He has worked extremely hard to improve his grades but to no avail. If that’s the school that his PSLE gets him then I guess God and His angels will take care of him. It’s not like I have other options.[/quote]

all is not lost, Zac’s mum, I feel hope in the way you parent your boy intentionally.. according to your values and not the rat race. remember parenting is a marathon and we may not even see results until adulthood

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2082032\" time=\"1663042724\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2082032 time=1663042724 user_id=53606]
Currently all messages come to my phone.

I know other families that have a family HP (shared among 3 kids).

Some friends know to control their language when they know adults are monitoring the chats. Other friends dont care at all.
We see all sorts of behaviours. Take it as a reflection of the world out there. Having conversations with your child (about why they think people behave the way they do, which friendships are worth maintaining and why/why not) helps…i give my input but dont force my judgement. It’s a tightrope act with teens…[/quote]

actually this was an idea of mine too ... making it quite clear that the WhatsApp account was \"parent controlled\" or \"family owned\". nice, yeah, i agree with the idea of staying close to the child and having open lines of communication.

it's hard for a teenage girl - so much of their identities lie in their friends approval.

Estéema\" post_id=\"2082034\" time=\"1663043975\" user_id=\"66413:

When I gave my DS his own hp the day he returned home fr last PSLE paper, I was alr aware the need for sec students comm btwn teachers, coach & teamates mainly on whatsapp and enable instantaneous responses.

I was planning to ‘train’ his willpower to ‘acquire’ some self discipline. We managed quite well (Oct-Dec) till the new term started in a new school with new peers in sec 1. Then all hell broke loose (at least for the 1st mth). I faced the similar struggles as other parents when DS average >300 mgs just in a day when I ‘park’ his hp with me (during one of my surveillance mood). Ano well-meaning parent took pics at every other hours & corners of kids with heads dip on hps at sch corridors, canteens, lobby, field, etc. He sent it to sch authorities & requested for a rein in.

I’m just thankful that DS school requires the students to take up 2 CCAs, and with DS 3rd language once a week, it alr took up at least 3 weekdays after-school hours. I’m fine with CCAs, as sufficient stretches helps boost their endorphins & build a healthier mental capability. Also, at lower sec sch, I was concerned if the kids are not in sch, they may hv too much time on hand & the last thing I want my kid to be roaming the streets or idling time at Starbucks, McD & the likes. At least they’re in sch compound & hopefully the teachers & staff cast supervising eyes over them. Also, there’s the Security at the gate.

Later, I found enrichment offerings by the sch is PathFinder & in my relax mode, I asked DS if he’ll be keen to pick up any interesting skills & I wld gladly pay for it. He was more delighted & picked up photography, presentation skills, financial planning, marketing designs .... (he chose these for each running consecutively). That set him off to business as these runs once a week after sch hours. He’s left with only one free day a week & it totally broke his addiction to hp except for reply to the necessary msgs fr teachers & proj teamates or coach. His 3rd language class ends at 6.30pm during class hours, he hardly gets time to conduct nonsensical chats!

I believe in training towards self management (both habits & time mgt). When they’re young & lost in a new sch system, guide them towards purposeful use of their time on things that interests them. Once the young person u’stand & can conduct themselves purposefully they’ll be able to find meaningful things to do as they grow towards Year 3 in their choices of subjects or other changes as they move on to JC1/Year 5.

Just sharing my journey with our young ones in an age captured by technology & social media - TV, hp, laptops; WhatsApp, Instagram, telegram .... 💆🏻‍️ :faint:

tysm for sharing this... that's exactly what my hope would be for her secondary life. one that's jam packed with activities, cca and yes, even enrichment / tuition that's far more beneficial than being immersed in the phone. i like the path your child went down - hoping mine's the same.

Tho tbh, social media and group conformity probably takes on a far greater significance in adolescence for girls...

it takes a community effort to address the screen thing so kudos to the parent in your child's school who at least created awareness by informing the school...

it's hard to place the onus on time management solely on the young teens (or even us as their parents) when we know social media apps are designed to be addictive . gamification of ones entire personality for the sake of reposts or shares.

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2082027\" time=\"1663041162\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2082027 time=1663041162 user_id=53606]
Boys are slightly different from girls in their online barbs, but I do get what u mean about the difference in behaviours, kittenprincess! DS and I have a running joke about “the quiet kid gonna kill us all”…ie the quiet & seemingly obedient ones are the ones spouting the most foul and crude stuff online. And their parents are clueless about it.[/quote]

exactly, zac's mum, the troublemakers online are indeed the quiet girls. alot of glorification of SH, cutting, cyberbullying... the problem with SM and a hyperconnected life is i get the sense - the normal social faux pas youd make as a child, just gets amplified and spreads like wildfire and there is very little room for error or chance to reflect on your missteps. a kid in her class recently got shamed on a playdate by wearing the \"wrong\" swimsuit. i was cringing when i saw photos/reposts of this child spread on their SM platforms like wildfire.

sorry to be ranty about this, and i have dozens more examples to share (i kept quite a close watch on my kid's phone after i realised they were egging each other on to self-harm).

just felt that it's not right at all for schools to presume everyone is comfortable with the same level of online collaboration, or exposure ...or to even presume smart phone ownership (and thus easy assumptions about disseminating HW or instructions via this platform).

i told my DD (when she began griping about no phone to rely on HW prompts, project work etc) - you'll just have to exercise your brain a bit more to write notes in your diary or face the consequences if you forget. project work has to be co-ordinated the day before - no last minute changes or demands to print last minute stuff at 10PM at night (yes this happened).

sorry too - this is absolutely not meant as a judgment to parents who feel their kid is ready for a smart phone. i really admire those whose kids have the executive skills to filter filter filter. mine's just on the slower/later end of developing certain socio-emotional skills and lacks the capacity to filter the online world

Mr.Clumsy\" post_id=\"2082022\" time=\"1663039877\" user_id=\"135989:

I feel your pain!!!

I am also appalled by what these P5/6 kids say/share on whatsapp and various other social media forums. It's horrendous. If I did that during my day, my parents would have clubbed me, dragged me back to the cave and made me etch \"I WILL BE A GOOD BOY\" a thousand times on the cave wall. Jokes aside, it was shocking for me to see what children at their age are capable of.

I too thought of getting my DS a mindless non-smart phone once he hits Sec 1 but I don't think it is possible. What I've been taught instead is to go big on education. Teach them about how to be responsible phone and social media users. Encourage them to manage their own time diligently and to be responsible for what they say and do online. Essentially, to wish that I was somehow bestowed with magical powers and could have my DS obey my commands.

In short, I'm also at a loss. I know that they'll need a smart device once they enter secondary school. Controlling their use and encouraging maturity will be difficult. Much depends on the environment they are in as well. I'm open to listening to what others parents have to say, esp. those who have faced such a challenge and come out smiling (without the use of drugs, of course).

thanks for your reply man i feel so much less alone!

it's like these kids have completely different personas online (chat groups) and in real life... like jekyll and hyde. all the most horrific things my child has witnessed at 10 - the suicide, self-harm, egging other classmates on \"you're better off dead\" or \"youre a failed abortion\". yet when i see them on playdates or at the neighborhood playground - there they are running around like regular 10YOs should talking about PG things.

its super toxic and im feeling nihilistic about how technology has far surpassed our ability to build safeguards for the kids.

im planning to be the unpopular parent and ban SM until JC. it's been 1 week without the smart phone and bringing the girl school drama home. so far, noticed SUCH a difference in my child - less sassy, less mouthy, less anxious. no easy answers here. :razz:

hi parents, i’m posting in this thread hopefully to glean insights from parents a little further on in the pre-teen->teenage girl journey.


my question in short is : has anyone’s kid gone successfully smart-phone free (ie no SM, no whatsapp, no telegram, twitter reddit etc) throughout their secondary life? To be clear, i’m fine with internet access on a laptop or school device - just not a 24/7 pinging window to the world in their bags, in their rooms, beside their beds …

i regret giving my child a smart phone so early (P5) and even with parental filters and screen time limits, the rampant cyberbullying, foulness, information overload and hyperconnectivity has just been overwhelming. Not to mention the constant one-upping and exclusion on insta and status updates that is so unnecessary. Even if my child’s not directly involved in it, just watchng it unfold before their eyes takes a toll on their mental health. Thus, I am considering simply sticking with a dumb-phone (like a Nokia or keypad only type thing) for as long as possible…

Hoping to hear experiences, views from other parents of girl pre/teens …

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2075641\" time=\"1658458350\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2075641 time=1658458350 user_id=53606]
In other words, if there is another candidate with similar credentials as you, but has a sleeping participation in (example) computer club CCA in school, that person’s 1x a week CCA attendance is not going to place her ranking above you.[/quote]

ah ok... yes mine was a question more about filters. You know how sticky to procedures moe could be - i was worried that all DSA applicants (even academic dsa) need to have an official school CCA, before RGS (or whatever sec school) would even consider their application. So that's why was canvassing for personal experiences

thanx for weighing in !

floppy\" post_id=\"2075631\" time=\"1658456134\" user_id=\"97579:

:faint:

Alamak, then your case isn’t the same as “having no CCA”. As I said, “achievements and CCA participation in the relevant subject matter. It could be things like involvement in plays, storytelling competition, 书法比赛, Olympiads, etc”. They are all categorized as “CCA”.

Thus, your EL writing + debating awards, MOE creative writing prog, olympiad medals and masterclass participation would all have been recorded as “CCA” of sorts. In any case, these info would have been the first two level of filters (academic results, domain achievements) that the selectors would consider first.

:thankyou:

Hi, @Zeal Mummy, @Floppy, thank you for weighing in! sorry for the radio silence - i was meaning to check back to this forum and then work blew up :lightrod: ...


Also, apologies I didnt mean to drip feed, but I didn't mention in original post she had won EL writing + debating awards and participated in the moe creative writing prog. Also consistently AL1 for GEP subjects except chinese. For other subjects, she has some olympiad medals and masterclass participation ... I just assumed people who DSA academic would have such acheivements anyway, so i thot it was irrelevant. Sorry to be misleading!

I was just wondering how strict MOE/Schools would be about adhering to the \"Co-curricular acheivements\" requirement for DSA. But looks like that phrase could be parsed as \"piano/dance/skating\" and not just school CCA?

Oh well, never know unless she tries. Yes, as Floppy mentions, given DSA statistics, chances are we'd be going into a secondary school via psle route.