Hi


I am based in beijing now and I will say beijing/ China as a whole is not the best place for young kids.

1. In dec, the weather will be v cold and touch wood, but if the kids fall ill, the medical facilities here are not the same as SG for sure. When my kids fell sick, I bring them to the top hospital but even then, they do a mix of TCM and western meds. Not to mention they will likely put ppl on a drip without a bed sometimes, I was placed on a chair drip before. And one of my kids is allergic to TCM in general so it was a bit tough insistng on international brand names of meds from the likes of Bayer, etc.

2. It is not v kid friendly, no smoke free restaurant and often have to grapple with smokers. When i request for non smoking, sometimes they have this section but it is separate only by a window of beads, and the smoke will still come through. Dun be fooled by the No smoking sign, on many occassions, in non smokign restaurant and u still get smokers and if you talk to the servers, they will say it is open to the tolerance of guests - i.e. of no one complains,then they can smoke even if it is a non smoking restaurant. And when I was pregnant, I have to kick up a major fuss many a times toavoid the smoke but I gave up and prefer to eat at home

3. I will advise you to bring your own utensils as they do not have child utensils. Unless you go to the more branded or well known restaurant, but even then, sometimes baby chair will be limited.

4. How old are your other kids? In general, I find the sights in Beijing/ China less suitable/ fascinating forthe younger kids. Other than the abundance of space to run which is a plus point, the sights in BJ e.g. forbidden city, great wall etc, require patience from the kids and they are often not interested in those. My kids only adore the Zoo (which is v crappy) and the aquarium which is ok. When we went to forbidden city or the more historic sights, there isnot much in it for them. My boys are 3 and 4.

5. The touristy places are not exactly easy as well, in terms of being kid friendly. Toilets are always a problem. No diaper changing and they smell (i am not kidding, my eldest who is 4 and v toilet trained, insist on wearing diaper sometimes as he would say 'I smell something' and he refuses to go). When we want to rest our legs and let the kids have some break, there are only v chinese joints/ chinese 'fastfood' - which consist of meat + ricepacks/ instant noodles. No starbucks, or even Mcd, so be sure to bring your own snacks.

Hubby and I pack a full bag when we are on trip so the tods are less cranky, even if it means a simple trip to the Summer Palace.

However, a plus point is the Chinese are generally very tolerant of kids and will go out of their way to make the kid feel welcome, of course, subjected to the limits/ parameters they are in, e.g. no kid utensils etc in the more Chinese joints. When we went on a cruise recently to the Gorges, the hospitality shown to the kids was awesome, but we bring a lot of our own stuff, utensils,bottles, snacks, bread etc.

Hope the above helps. let me know if you need more info!

I have 3 princes and DH and I badly wanted a gal.

While on one hand, I hear Skunk and think his attitude towards the new Man is great and that we have the opportunity now to bring that about by teaching our young and grooming them into the New Age Man / Modern Man (or whatever labels we have for the new species of man). yet on the other hand I do hope for a gal cuz of the \"different ways\" gals bond with their parents and the different ways in which love is expressd in females.

A lot of studies have already looked at the different ways males and females communicate, e.g. gals are into details while males are more focussed on the main point (of course these are generalisation made from majority of the gender, there are exceptions -so dun flame me)..

The way a man loves and the way a females expresses love are also different. Having a daughter will make a difference to the family dynamics. Shallowness aside (the dressing etc), I do hope to have a gal to do all the girl-ly stuff.

But my stakes are very high cuz I already have 3 boys.. it is a entire household of men.. if we still end up with a boy, i will seriously faint I think

everytime I see some updates on this thread, I thought it will be the next episode…


And I thought after waiting for all the 7 books of Harry potter, I would not have to go thru withdrawal symptoms of the waiting for stories again… until I came to this thread…sigh…

Story, clap clap story clap clap story clap Clap!!

Thanks all for the welcome!!

I am super envious of buds lor… 2 gals… I always say when I go out with 3 boys, people will look at me and know I am the "Cannot make it" while trying for a gal…
And most of my friends have gals…

Chief, you are spot on, I miss all the bonding to do with gals, I imagine going to hair salon with gals, manicure session etc etc - no chance at all with boys.

Jedamum, what kind of attention from the boys? Mine do scream for attention, but its the fighting, screaming, roaring, running around kind…sigh. I am learning things like dino names, how various sports work, (why so many people in a football versus only 6 in a basketball) etc.

The cloest experience I came across which made me think that my boy can be as sensitive and tender as a gal is when my eldest boy took out clothes for me to change into and refusing to let me go out of the house in my pyjamas (i was just teasing him of course). He took out a black dress and said that is a nice dress and that he likes black o_O

i always wonder if -BIG IF, I try again for a gal, will my wish be granted… hohoho…

ZacK:

Thanks all for the suggestions... We wanted to try go go bambini but they are booked till 27 Sep which is after DS1's birthday.

Wow, Bambini is so happening? Then I think i better inquire early for my son's Bday in Oct!

Do update on the eventual venue yah!

I was a single mum for almost half a year when my hubby was studying overseas last year.


I have 2 tods and was pregnant with number 3 then and a FTWM. It was tougher than tough. Circumstances led to it as we did not expect his application to be approved so soon, and then we discovered the pregnancy as well.

We made the painful decision that I should be able to cope with support of maids, parents and parents in laws. The plan was for us to join him after the birth. It was either that or for him to defer the study and for all of us to move over after the delivery, but for that we have to spend a year overseas. I was not confident that we could cope with 3 kids for a whole year overseas without support, so I would rather only spend half a year aborad and the other half with me as Single mum in SG.

We planned as well as we could but we forgot things that could go wrong such as the kids taking turn to fall sick, or my maid quitting one us. When the flu virus struck, I had to bring them to doc, wake in the middle of night to monitor the temperatures and feed the meds, and deal with the really cranky kids who were unwell. For the daily mundane things, I will make the decisions, but we are so used to talking over decisions that I will always consult him via skype on the major stuff involving kids, maids etc.

it was the first time I went for the monthly gynae check up alone to look at progress of baby. It was v lonely and I felt really lousy. It got worst when I had to monitor my glusoce level and had to do 3 blood tests a day during the last stage of my pregnancy. It was downright depressssing, given all that in the context of a FTWM.

It was really not a pleasant experience. In the past, when either of us travelled, we tried to make sure that one of us will be with the kids. I travelled more than hubby then for work, so hubby is also v adapt at single parenting. He has always been very involved with the kids so I really felt the strain when I was a single parent for the whole half of the year.i had to play his role in addition to my own.

It was then that I changed my mind about single parenthood. I realised that wholesome parenting do require the efforts and time of 2 persons. It is very tough playing mum and dad to the kids. You need to have the energy to play with them like dad does, bring them out to do the boys stuff on weekends, and nuture them like a mummy the rest of the times, and then there are lots of other administrative things (school, transport etc).

i am just glad that those times are over. And I won’t ever make such a decision again. Short work trips are fine, but no extensive single parenting anymore. It is not easy and I felt so inadequate all the time.

Now we are making up for lost time as a whole familly abroad, and the kids really want to have papa and mummy with them at the same time. At least that’s what they told me hahahah!

smurf:

I can't type a lot more, cos my laptop keypad has been spoilt by DS2 (he plucked out one by one when I wasn't looking.):(


although it is very frustrating cos he can throw tantrum many many times a day, but can be very cute leh.haha.

can't imagine a small and tiny baby can have a nasty temper that is so explosive! :shock:

Smurf, you know, I think my no. 2 is very similiar to your DS2. He also plucked out many of my laptop alphabets and place them back in the wrong place! hahaaha..

And yes , when he was younger, initially I was very terrified by his tantrums.
And When I told my friend last Christmas that in one of his tantrums, He pulled down our Christmas tree, my friend asked if it is the miniature one on tabletop and I had to laugh, and replied that it was a full sized one.

I am glad that I have time to understand him better now that I am SAHM for a while, and helped to established the \"rules\" and helped him manage the tantrum. So you should feel lucky that you are the one to help- to be there to correct the act when it occurs. It may be worst if you have to be working & have less contact with him I know that on the really \"horror\" days it is hard to look at it that way.

And yes, like you said, they are really cute most times. And The good news is - once they speak, it will get better!!

thanks for the welcome Chief.


I think it is great stuff that you folks have got here, one stop for many stuff. Super Kudos!

Me not well planned at all lah thats why now panic.
Based on your useful stats, I just ve to "bo"4 that Phase 2B for NYPS no balloting. If have, then die.

Oh, one useful function that I appreiate in this forum is the posts since our last visit. It makes it easier to browse and be updated. Fantastic!!

buds:

smurf:

.......when he can't get what he wants, such as ice cream, sweets, toys,etc, he throws tantrum. and he can scream and shout at the top of his voice, stomps feet, beats people, and throw things. and he can throw thing until the thing break. :!:

momoshop:

For things that he wants, e.g. ice cream etc, I always pre-empt by bringing an acceptable snack when we go out so that I pre-empt them by saying, I know you want ice-cream, but I have this, your fav gummies. What colour do you want?

Ice-cream & candy given at young age? :!:

oops.. probably not at 17 mths, though like tankee, I started them on some licks ice cream. Alternatives like yougurt can be used, cheese sticks, cheese cubes, cereal, dreid fruits. all healthy and should work.. sugar free gummies are ok as well, if the kids know how to chew.

I think the key is also to pick your battles. You can't win all the fights..
So strategise on the ones that matter.

It is also impt to have enjoyable moments with the kids, rather than to have to fight all the time.

smurf:

DS2 17mths old. can't talk, not even addressing me. but, has a temper which is explosive. :!:


when he can't get what he wants, such as ice cream, sweets, toys,etc, he throws tantrum. and he can scream and shout at the top of his voice, stomps feet, beats people, and throw things. and he can throw thing until the thing break. :!:

Should I beat him? I told him cannot do that, but he still does that and at 17 mths, I dun think he will remember or understand NOT to do that again.

Also, if he is displeased, he can stare at you and blink, u know like, 'buay song' like that.haha. after the blink, he will walk away. leaving u dunno what to do. :?:

Hi Smurf

I face similar problems with my No. 2 too . He is now 30 months and only just begun to speak. We have always worried about his speech ability but put off the \"testings\" as we want to give him a chance to develop and see, without being too KS.

There is a lot of frustration with not being able to speak. From 17months, I believe they have a strong cognition of situations, wants and preferences. However, not having the means to express those lead to immense frustration. If you understand this source of frustration, it will help you cope with the \"tantrums\" better. That is a starting point.

If I am not wrong, your child is able to focus on what he wants for a long period of time? What we call \"more focused,more determined\" and hence, when he does not get what he wants, he perserves more than other kids?

If that is the case, pls also see these as strengths in the child. A mind of his own, an ability to stand up for what he wants strongly and a will to perservere. I know it can be tough, but these are really positive kids. To give you an example, My no. 1 has always been more \"amicable\". He can be easily distracted form his tantrums, or persuaded to try other toys/ activities to avoid the tantrums. So in every sense, compared to no. 2 He is an easier kid to manage. However, over times, we worry that he is easily distracted and have less sense of what he wants. And we now have to teach him to stand up for what he wants, and to perservere when he meets difficulties.

So, if you begin to understand the source of frustration (not being able to express his wants), and that his tantrums do point to some positive characters traits, all these will equip you with more patience when dealing with your kids. That is what helps for mine.

Then next is to learn to \"read\" your child correctly. For a kid who can express yet, a lot of tantrums rerult from mis-understanding. Many times, my no. 2 will have given signal of displeasure, and before he goes into a meltdown, if you are able to communicate through him by affirming his emotions (e.g. frustration - you are angry that you can't fix this/ desire - you want to have that sweet?), once the child knows that you understand him, he will be arrested/ paused and that gives you a chance to prevent the meltdown. In this process, you are also teaching him words of expression that he can use when he grows older.

Pls do not resort to beating as he will not understand at 17 months. patience is the key, and understanding him will go a long way. I find the book \"How to Talk to kids so that kids will listen\" to be very useful. In it are very useful tips to help you communicate with your kids so that they know you understand them, Sometimes it is as simple as going along with them and say their words back at them \"so you want the cake?\" when they express they wanted a cake.

Kids get frustated (so do we) when they think that parents do know understand them. And in a case of a child who is not speaking yet, the only way to understand them better is to look at thier cues. Are there specific actions that they do for certain objects that they want, e.g. bolster or book etc (my no. 2 started saying \"ster\" at 24 months we it took me a long time to understand that it refers to his bolster cuz I was a wking mum then).

Also sometimes it helps to notice what comforts and calms down your child. To give you an e.g..
We moved recently to another country and I became a full time mum at home with the kids. And No 2 was a nightmare with his tantrums cuz we could not really dicipher what he wanted. It took a long time for us to know what he wants, and even then he was like close to 30months already and not speaking very well.

Back in Sg, he would comfort himself by crying in front of a toy shelf (always run there to cry and sulk, for some time alone, and then pick a toy out from there to play and then be diverted). When we moved, he could not find his toy shelf to cry, and we realised that when he goes into a tantrum, he runs around the house like he was mad and it me a LONG LONG while to realise he was looking for a place to soothe himself.

Sometimes, if your kid can't sooth himself, he may be too young, just hugging him and not saying anything (and block your ears) till the tantrum passed and then talked to him may be the way. It takes a lot of patience but it is better than fighting him, screaming at him etc, which all agitate him and do not help him calm down.

But the key, IMHO, is to identify the points before he goes into a tantrum. That will help.
Also, at 17 mths, kids still need a very stable routine so they know what to anticipate next. And if you keep to the routine, they know what is coming, and less overwhelming for them, it can help to reduce the incidents of conflicts really. perhaps you also need time to always analyze what are the trigger that resulted in the meltdown. So that the next time a similar thing happens, you can pre-empt that can calm him down, or give him an alternative, emphatising with his emotions before he screams.

For things that he wants, e.g. ice cream etc, I always pre-empt by bringing an acceptable snack when we go out so that I pre-empt them by saying, I know you want ice-cream, but I have this, your fav gummies. What colour do you want?

If you can distract them before they became \"fixated\" to what they want, it sometimes work.

Smurf, it is not easy, I nearly tore my hair out last 2 months alone with the kids and no. 2 in tantrums at least 5-6 times a day when we first moved here. But i realised once i replicate his routine in SG, and orientate him to the new environment, and also learnt to \"read\" him better, it really helps!

Hope this gives you some comfort. Oh, and I am v proud of my no. 2, trouble as he is, cuz I think he has a very strong perosnality which I appreciate. I see it as a sign of strength. So take heart!