Thanks everyone who read this and offered advice. Grateful to have somewhere to air my thoughts. I can't really time the visits as DD will go over every wkend then niece family drop by grandma house whenever they like. I empathise with my niece for her insecurities that's why for so long I didn't call her out on it. I let her use DD things and I just try my best to let DD understand by telling her she can share since she has a few cups there. Shampoo/toothpaste get used up I can buy more. But now I wanna draw the line cos DD has become increasingly unhappy about it as she gets older. DD don't like that she has to keep giving up her things.


The reverse psyc doesn't work. Niece only wants to use the cup DD is using/has used, no matter which cup has been \"choped\" beforehand. DD used to have an Elsa cup there but niece kept asking to use. I understand the love for Elsa, to prevent any jealousy I brought the cup home and gave DD those IKEA kids plastic cup. Then niece also want the IKEA cup. I also gifted niece her own toothbrush & tooth paste set before so she can feel like she has something of her own. But still use DD's toothpaste. It's a case of \"I want what you have\" and not \"I like this so I want to use it\". Also, DD is the only younger child niece can push around. The youngest is niece's own brother who is only 2yo and won't say anything. All other cousins are older than niece and will not hesitate to tell her off.

Okay, thanks all. My frustration has been vented.

Niece doesn’t listen to grandma. Niece feels no authority over her. My MIL(grandma) is typical older gen "yang er fang lao"(have kids to finance her in old age). MIL cannot fall out with her dau cos need her money(banker, high SES). I understand so I don’t want to put grandma in the middle. But to be fair, MIL stands on my side a lot cos she can’t stand niece and the family also. She will scold niece over these things but still happen.


I dislike SIL and her family obviously. Her husband will say unkind things to DD(and other grandkids) like "you how old already still dunno how to write this word", "why your result only like that" or like when DD was 2+ 3yo, shame her for wearing diapers at night. I was so pissed off. I have never questioned any of my nephews/nieces like that. Their education is their parents concern, not mine. Her husband will also bring my older DD out without telling me until I confronted him about it. He actually asked me what’s wrong, what happened!?! I don’t feel comfortable with others bringing my kids out without even the basic courtesy of telling me. If anything happened, I dunno where DD is leh… He then accused my helper of telling tales to me. But actually my elder DD told me. My helper also angry she got accused. Bring out need to be so secretive? What is he trying to hide? I don’t feel good so I forbid my elder DD to go out with him unless in a group of relatives.

Her and her husband always nose in the sky, look down on my family cos we middle income and they are bankers. SIL "look down" on my purchases as she will say things like my things are house brand, not imported, not Australian milk etc… Ask her kids don’t drink my milk cos mine is NTUC milk, hers is GOOD Australian imported milk. BUT, her kids always want my kids things. Cos kids don’t understand housebrand or not. When they want milk, they just want whatever is available. I always buy a lot to stock up (like 1 carton) and don’t mind the kids drinking. She very petty, only buy 1 sixpack. So always run out, then her kids want my "cheap" housebrand milk. But she don’t allow. The kids think why so funny? Why DD can drink milk but niece cannot. Then feelings get hurt and niece feel jealous cos she cannot drink when actually it’s her mom don’t let her drink. Even childcare school also look down on my neighbourhood one. I’m like whatever you wanna think you think. My kids are happy, convenient for them to go home, it’s fine.

I don’t want DD to use niece things. Wait they accuse me back of using niece things. I also don’t want DD to think using back is reasonable behavior. I can provide for DD myself. When niece uses DD’s things, DD will tell her this is the things my mummy bought for me. Short of snatching back, I think DD has made it clear her stand.

AITA? I want to confront my SIL and ask her to tell my niece(her child) to stop using my child’s things.


Background, the grandkids will gather at grandma’s house on wkends. I’m not there as I treat it as grandma bringing my DD out for bonding time. I do not have any problems with any the other grandkids except this one.

My niece(7yo) and my DD(5yo). This year, it has come to my attention that niece has been taking DD’s things to use even though she has her own. This apparantly has been going on for a long time. Things like cups, spoons, shampoo, toothpaste. At first I thought niece just liked DD’s things so few months ago I even bought DD new customised cups with DD’s name so niece can use the old cup she likes. Niece has her own shampoo and toiletries but insist on using DD’s things. Even when hidden from sight, niece will make the effort to ask someone to take DD’s toiletries for her to use. I’m not so petty that I don’t allow niece to use some shampoo or toothpaste. Like to try a new shampoo, forgot to bring her own, finished shampoo but haven’t got time to buy, sure can use DD’s one. But to never use her own and keep using DD’s stuff is a bit too much. DD will come home and tell me her things kept getting used by niece.

To my horror, this week I found out niece is now asking to use DD’s name cup. Even justifying her actions by saying DD used it earlier so it’s niece turn now. I’m flabbergasted leh… Short of locking DD’s things away, I don’t know what else to do. When DD is not at grandma house, niece will just use all of DD’s things. I mean niece family is higher income than mine and she has her own things to use. I don’t buy expensive things, shampoo and toiletries all from Venus. Not some branded or fancy design that kids will fight over to use. I feel like niece just has a serious case of envy. Always want others things.

My frustration is from DD feeling like her things are being taken away from her when clearly I told DD these are for DD to use. DD will tell me niece is using her cutlery set and customised cup even when told not to. DD is also upset that her toiletries keep getting used up. And I feel like DD is being bullied in her grandma house. If this continues, I will either have to 1)lockup DD’s things under real lock & key 2) bring home all DD’s things and only use disposable cups/cutlery 3)not allow her to go over to grandma’s house which will make grandma upset.

Call MOE and check with them if primary school closed, is there any other option. If it’s merger, they should allow you to register under that merged school for priority.

Balloting status just out on MOE website!