Is this behaviour of teacher acceptable?

[janet88]

Nebbermind:

sundaymorning:

Yeah agree too , we educate our child and that is the foundation.

Sine when this has become optional? :scratchhead:

educating our kids is not an option but a must...it's just a matter of whether there is a backup...but based on personal experience, it's best that parents be the main educator.

[concern2]

Hi guys, lately I've had some trouble dealing with the kids' complaints about school. I hear about some of the things coming from the teachers which I also found inappropriate. However, instead of going straight to the teachers or principal, I decided to work on the kids. By chance, I came across this article on managing defiant children - not exactly what I was looking for, but very relevant.


Here is an extract:

\"Thinking Error #2: “The Teacher is a jerk—and she hates me.”

What It Means: When a child says something like this, he’s using a thinking error called “The Victim Stance”. Some kids see themselves as victims all the time and in almost every situation. What they’re doing is trying to reject the idea that they’re responsible for anything. You’ll ask them a question and they’ve always got a sad story. Part of that sad story is who they blame for not meeting their responsibilities. That’s because when you’re a victim, you blame other people. So these kids blame the teacher, they blame you, or they blame somebody else—and what they learn is if they stick to their story long enough, they won’t be held accountable.

What I try to tell parents is that there is a sad story, and then there’s a behavior story. The sad story is your child playing the victim; the behavior story is what your child did to other people or to property. And as parents, we always have to focus on the behavior story. Every child has to be responsible for the behavior story, not the sad story. Don’t forget, when kids see themselves as victims, that gives them the justification they need to not meet their responsibilities. If you’re a victim, they reason, you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And focusing on the sad story somehow supports their right not to meet responsibilities.

What You Can Do: When your child adopts the Victim Stance, what he needs to be hearing from you is, “You’re not a victim. You’re responsible for your actions.” In this case, the parent could also say, “It sounds like you’re blaming your teacher for not having your homework done. But you’re the homework-doer—that’s your responsibility. And it’s not your teacher’s job to get along with you; it’s your job to get along with your teacher.”

Here is the source of the article if you find this useful:
http://www.empoweringparents.com/A-Day-in-the-Mind-of-Your-Defiant-Child.php#

[BeContented]

concern2:

Hi guys, lately I've had some trouble dealing with the kids' complaints about school. I hear about some of the things coming from the teachers which I also found inappropriate. However, instead of going straight to the teachers or principal, I decided to work on the kids. By chance, I came across this article on managing defiant children - not exactly what I was looking for, but very relevant.


Here is an extract:

\"Thinking Error #2: “The Teacher is a jerk—and she hates me.”

What It Means: When a child says something like this, he’s using a thinking error called “The Victim Stance”. Some kids see themselves as victims all the time and in almost every situation. What they’re doing is trying to reject the idea that they’re responsible for anything. You’ll ask them a question and they’ve always got a sad story. Part of that sad story is who they blame for not meeting their responsibilities. That’s because when you’re a victim, you blame other people. So these kids blame the teacher, they blame you, or they blame somebody else—and what they learn is if they stick to their story long enough, they won’t be held accountable.

What I try to tell parents is that there is a sad story, and then there’s a behavior story. The sad story is your child playing the victim; the behavior story is what your child did to other people or to property. And as parents, we always have to focus on the behavior story. Every child has to be responsible for the behavior story, not the sad story. Don’t forget, when kids see themselves as victims, that gives them the justification they need to not meet their responsibilities. If you’re a victim, they reason, you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And focusing on the sad story somehow supports their right not to meet responsibilities.

What You Can Do: When your child adopts the Victim Stance, what he needs to be hearing from you is, “You’re not a victim. You’re responsible for your actions.” In this case, the parent could also say, “It sounds like you’re blaming your teacher for not having your homework done. But you’re the homework-doer—that’s your responsibility. And it’s not your teacher’s job to get along with you; it’s your job to get along with your teacher.”

Here is the source of the article if you find this useful:
http://www.empoweringparents.com/A-Day-in-the-Mind-of-Your-Defiant-Child.php#

Like what you shared above.
Now I can show my kids above & explained it under the sad vs behaviour story. They will finally understand why they hardly get to play victim role. :evil: :rotflmao:

[SAHM_TAN]

Thanks for sharing the article.


:offtopic:
I thought I was being harsh becos I tend to focus on what are their responsibilities rather the difficulties they might face in carrying out their responsibilities. I do not ignore the difficulties they faced but most of the time they are able to overcome them, if they try harder or a different approach. I only step in when I judge that the particular difficulty is too much for them becos of certain circumstances.

:offtopic:

[ammonite]

I agree with the article too. I also do not have problems with teachers who are fierce. But teachers who lie and accuse the child falsely, yes I have a big problem with them. They are usually not the fiercest teachers around but tend to play favourites and do a mediocre job teaching. They are like the colleague who do not do a proper job and then cover up desperately when the boss ask questions.

[concern2]

"Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like!" - Rita Pierson

[sharonkhoo]

concern2:

\"Kids don't learn from people they don't like!\" - Rita Pierson

But kids don't only like people who are nice to them! Some kids (eventually) really love the very strict teachers. Of course, that excludes teachers who are unfair or unreasonable, no matter how nice they may be sometimes.

[Nebbermind]

Donch even need to be unreasonable or unfair. As long as the teacher gets along really well with a ‘rival’ in class, the teacher will be ‘unlike’.

[concern2]

slmkhoo:

concern2:

\"Kids don't learn from people they don't like!\" - Rita Pierson

But kids don't only like people who are nice to them! Some kids (eventually) really love the very strict teachers. Of course, that excludes teachers who are unfair or unreasonable, no matter how nice they may be sometimes.

Agree. DS happens to like strict teachers - esp if they know how to deal with the bullies :evil: To him, strict is not equivalent to being likeable or not, but whether the teacher is being 'fair' - like \"why can't the teacher just punish those noise makers, why must punish the whole class and make us all stay back?!\"

[janet88]

Son likes strict teachers…bcos he will not be bullied.

I am ok, as long as they are fair and teach well. If they ‘scream and yell’, it also depends on WHAT they are yelling.