if i am a mil,

[vinegar]

buds:

janet_lee88...


Such things (teaching our children to open their eyes WIDE when choosing a spouse) is not something we/they may be able to see or know in-depth before marriage. Like in my case lor. It could also be I didn't open my eyes big enuff. :politebleah:
true,my MIL shows her true colour immediately after my wedding ceremony.Also,didn't realise my DH \"super pamper\" n \"superclue\" to his mum.If i know that earlier,would hv chose to marry my soulmate too.

I try not to dwell on the little things no matter how it affects me. I may be in foul moods on and off when the \"occasions\" arise but I'll get over it and move on. Moving on is easier said than done honestly.. but I did it aniwaes. Still am.
i try to,not to let her interfere my life,but difficult.A few times,i feel like giving up my marriage coz i feel it would be best for DH to go bk to them,since he doesn't really care for the family

[sharonkhoo]

janet_lee88:

I will teach my daughter to open her eyes WIDE when finding husband material...preferably not the 'mummy's boy' or she will suffer.

What do you mean by 'mummy's boy'? Very dependent? Putting mum first above others? Giving in to his mum's whims and fancies? I wouldn't want that either.

My husband was his mother's youngest child and probably more pampered than the older kids. But he grew up independent, despite still respecting and obeying his mother. However, my mil was a gentle, undemanding woman who didn't interfere in how we lived our lives even if she disagreed (she passed away more than 10 yrs ago). What I liked about my husband in our dating days was that he always showed concern and respect for his mother, sisters and other women, and I had to sometimes take a back seat. However, I still knew that I came first overall. I tell my daughters that if a man does not care for and respect other women, how will they know the man will care for and respect them when the initial romance fades? How he treats others is the baseline below which he is unlikely to fall.

[janet88]

How his family treats him and how he reciprocates.


Respect is something earned…it is not given free.
While kids are growing, we have to teach them how to respect in order to gain it. When they have girlfriend/boyfriend one day, I would give them due respect.
I don’t wish my daughter to have a bf who has to give in his mother’s never-ending attention seeking tactics. So I will remind myself not to interfere.

[vinegar]

slmkhoo:

janet_lee88:

I will teach my daughter to open her eyes WIDE when finding husband material...preferably not the 'mummy's boy' or she will suffer.

What do you mean by 'mummy's boy'? Very dependent? Putting mum first above others? Giving in to his mum's whims and fancies? I wouldn't want that either.

My husband was his mother's youngest child and probably more pampered than the older kids. But he grew up independent, despite still respecting and obeying his mother. However, my mil was a gentle, undemanding woman who didn't interfere in how we lived our lives even if she disagreed (she passed away more than 10 yrs ago). What I liked about my husband in our dating days was that he always showed concern and respect for his mother, sisters and other women, and I had to sometimes take a back seat. However, I still knew that I came first overall. I tell my daughters that if a man does not care for and respect other women, how will they know the man will care for and respect them when the initial romance fades? How he treats others is the baseline below which he is unlikely to fall.

ur post enlighted me.

My mil is total opposite of ur mil. my dh has to give in to her all the times,if not,she'll be 没完没了. She always wanna do her own ways.She is rich,pampered.She likes to use her wealth to threaten n manipulate others.Once she said she'll not give a single cent to every one of us who disobey her. I told her:\"go ahead,beta still,donate all ur $$ to charity.\"she was shocked wf my answer. To me, money can't buy happiness

i've done wf her,endless phone calls,demanding requests... :siam: I've not seen her for 3yrs...Thus,she switched her target to my poor dh.

[auntieM]

I will not give my grandchildren rejects, expired and mouldy food.. ..

Double confirm, after receiving them for the past decade.. :slapshead:

[ngl2010]

auntieM:

I will not give my grandchildren rejects, expired and mouldy food.. ..

Double confirm, after receiving them for the past decade.. :slapshead:

Sounds like my sister's mil. I thought her mil is one of a kind.

[sleepy]

buds:

sleepy:

If I'm a MIL,

I want to get a say in selecting my (favourite type of) son in law :evil:

Already started brain washing my girls on my favourite type :evil: :evil:

You sleepy is it? :skeptical:

If you are oredi MIL means you have no say liao lor. :slapshead:

Alamak, obviously too late if 生米煮成熟饭, that's why you should read the 2nd part 'Already started brain washing my girls on my favourite type' yo

[sleepy]

slmkhoo:

But what if that 'type' doesn't suit them? They are the ones who are marrying the man. One of my cousins went out with this very nice guy, so nice that my aunt really liked him. When they broke up, my aunt was more heartbroken than my cousin! Frankly, I always felt that he was too nice to my aunt and my younger cousin, and my cousin (the one he was dating) probably got fed up in the end. We just tell our daughters that we hope they will find a man who will be their best friend and will make them happy (and hopefully being nice to us will make our daughters happy).

True, it's all about finding soulmates.
However, I feel that we have more experience in 看人. Not saying we are always right but certain clear cut unsuitable type should be nipped in the bud. Once blinded by love, it will be too late for us to interfere because unlikely to accept our opinion by then. So I already started planting ideas what are the undesirable characteristics to look out & stay away from and what are the type to consider favourably

[sleepy]

janet_lee88:

I will teach my daughter to open her eyes WIDE when finding husband material...preferably not the 'mummy's boy' or she will suffer.

Yes, I second that. Indeed 嫁错郎 can totally ruin a girl's life

There are 2 obvious types that should be axed immediately, no need to bother with a second date.
1. still hung up about his ex-gf
2. always talk about his mum

No offence to anyone hor, entirely my personal preference.
Actually I had a very long checklist + razar sharp instinct when I was shopping for a future husband. That's why I only had my 1st bf (aka my dh) at the ripe age of 24. Took me a long time to choose la. The rest of my admirers didn't make it past 3rd date. I :siam: because none met my criteria. I can be rational & objective because I was not in love yet

[janet88]

when i become a mil, or before that, i will be fair to both son-in-law and daughter-in-law…be cordial and adopt a friendly approach, don’t whine, don’t interfere especially when they quarrel.