Changes In Children

[corneyAmber]

Did you hear anything different from her teachers during PTM last year?


A change would have been observed by them as well and then you can perhaps backtrack to any incidents that may have affected her to change her. Sometimes friendship issues can also change a person’s perspective to things. Sometimes incidents she experienced in her leadership position can also change her perspective.

Since she is in such a mood, no point going headon in the drilling sense to get her back on track for studies. Personally, I would take a day off, plan a day of fun with my kid and share with her the plans to get her excited. Then just have fun the whole day and by the end of the day, at an appropriate time, figure out what has been troubling her just by chit-chatting casually with her on her aspiration and how she plans to achieve it in the next few years. Getting her to talk about her plans will eventually give you an idea how her new thinking has been shaped and formed.

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

Thanks ks2me for the suggestions. At least I have some leads to seek the root cause. Really not knowing what to do before this.


The form teacher did not alarm us of any sudden change in her. In fact she even picked her for book prize based on CA1, encouraged her to take up debate (not her strength though) and attended various leadership camps through out the second half of the year. Owing to these activities maybe I felt that she had burnt herself out. Now I need to make her stand on her feet again because it is PSLE year for her! She had been relaxing for the past 2 months! I believe that should be sufficient. We even went for a multiple short breaks during school holidays period.My wife and I only took notice of her behavioural change after September...sad to say.

However, i will try to probe along the line of her friendship and verify if she stumbled in the activities that she went through above. Perhaps she had met with unhappy incidents or barriers which demoralised her somewhat.

[corneyAmber]

Bear.w.me:

Thanks ks2me for the suggestions. At least I have some leads to seek the root cause. Really not knowing what to do before this.


The form teacher did not alarm us of any sudden change in her. In fact she even picked her for book prize based on CA1, encouraged her to take up debate (not her strength though) and attended various leadership camps through out the second half of the year. Owing to these activities maybe I felt that she had burnt herself out. Now I need to make her stand on her feet again because it is PSLE year for her! She had been relaxing for the past 2 months! I believe that should be sufficient. We even went for a multiple short breaks during school holidays period.My wife and I only took notice of her behavioural change after September...sad to say.

However, i will try to probe along the line of her friendship and verify if she stumbled in the activities that she went through above. Perhaps she had met with unhappy incidents or barriers which demoralised her somewhat.

Don't mention it, I can imagine if it happens to my kid. I believe opening the communication channel is important. Once you manage to achieve the open channel, I am sure both you and your wife will have a better idea how to manage her PSLE journey. There might also be new anxiety built in her for PSLE as this exam has crazily become the exam of the century for many. To me, it's has heighten to the likes of the Imperial exam in China in the past...so very important to see the Emperor in the last stage of the exam!

Btw, since you feel that debate is not her strength, you can probe the teacher's thoughts on why she recommends. Probably she has observed that your child is needing some form of motivation.

[CJS]

Her behaviour symptoms sounds very familiar to my dd’s during her P5 to mid year of P6. I also had so much squabbles with her over her "laziness" and attitude. My dd is already S2 this year, so I have survived this period. She’s now in a band 1 sec school.


Here’s my humble opinion. On hindsight, I realised tat all the nagging and scolding has only made her "laziness" and attitude worse. She’s probably more mature than the rest of her friends just like my dd. So she does not expect to be treated like a child. Try using the soft approach in persuading her to change her ways.

I think partially the pressures of PSLE has not dawn on her yet (just like my dd). It only happened after the mid year exams when the teachers have more or less finished the syllabus and started on the revisions. My dd just suddenly changed and became the goody hardworking gal every parent would love to have.

You have to exercise more patience and wait and see, I guess. But your support for her by spending time with her on her work will indeed go a long way in ensuring her success in her PSLE. All the best to you and your dd.

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

Thank you ks2me and CJS, indeed I will speak to the mother to reduce frequency of nagging bacause the vicious cycle will not lead us anywhere.


It is also a relief to know that someone else actually has experienced the same situation as mine. May i know if it is symtoms of adolescence or burnt out or something else? I am more or less clueless on the root-cause. This really I need more advice.

As for remedy to mitigate the situation (knowing root-cause would certainly help but still clueless):
1. I will use softer approach as suggested (it isn’t that i used hard approach previously)
2. Find out if she has problems with any activities or friends at school (not that i have not tried but will try again)
3. Allow more rest time for her (encourage her to rest rather than drag herself)
4. I will also take adolescence factors into account
5. Will advise her to involve less in school initiated ‘extra’ activities afterall this is PSLE year for her. (and after looking at what the other forumers mentioned about PSLE especially James Ang…she/I cannot afford to take any chances!)
6. Less leadership roles in school activities…it is my opinion that leaders always are the exhausted onces (imagine Chief has to police the forums…don’t under estimate the effort, sincere thanks)
7. Tone down my own expectations of her…maybe set lower targets for PSLE? (hope it will not have adverse effect)

These are all what I can think of right now because I really did not have much time last night to even speak sit down properly with her. She was busy with school homework.

Well I hope things will turn out fine for her eventually like what it had turned out for your dd CJS.

[corneyAmber]

Keep us posted. I am sure you will bear some results considering that you are putting some action on it.

[flametree]

Hi Bear.w.me,


My guess is could she be using " avoidance" to deal with the stress. It could be after she had witnessed the amount of work and stress that her older sibling went thru during PSLE period, she may have decided to "avoid" whatever she’s not so good at in order to cope with the anticipated stress that she’ll be facing this year???

I’m no expert, I’m just making a guess and hope to provide some clue 4 u. As to the talking back, my girl started that at p5 too- i think that is part of adolescence.

Good luck.

Flametree

BTW, my 3rd kid will be doing his PSLE this year too!

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

Thanks Flametree, so far i think you offer the most possible root-cause


I hope the steps I outlined earlier will work.

Now that school has started, the homework and school activities will help her to 'shift gear' too I hope.

[human]

Hi all,


I have been taking care of my nephew since young… Noticed he exhibit the avoidance behaviour when it comes to studies 2nd half of last year, P2 then. Bickering too. He has fear of not doing well, but did not channel that to work hard, avoid instead. If there are any useful parenting workshop, please recommend.

Thanks!!

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

So avoidance does happen at anytime as long as one does not like what one is doing and has the option to avoid.


Under such circumstance, can we:
1. exert authority to cut-off the option for avoidance?
2. engage in the same activity with the person who wants to avoid that particular activity?
3. seek professional help? Child psychologist?
4. school counsellor?
5. provide more relax/rest time?
6. allow the person to enjoy what he enjoys doing? (but for how long?)
7. let it be?Just accept and live with it? (wait for the child to out grow the problem?)

Well, there are so many factors and what-if in my mind too. Please if anyone can offer some suggetsions I think both Human and I would deeply appreciate it.