In-law problems?

[MMM]

buds:

So i won't stoop to her level of deceit. Or else my tale would embroil

forever more like the hit tele-drama... DAYS OF OUR LIVES. :lol:

I support your approach. Jia(1) He(2) Wan(4) Shi(4) Xing(1). So with that in mind, you are always in a win win situation. Jia you.

[buds]

谢谢 MMM. For the silent support.. :hugs:

[millan]

Wow looks like the IL issue always a problem...


I have survived ....17 yrs... not bad hor...

Most impt think to learn.. close one eye...

Most impt also, hubby must know what to do.

My hubby is one and only son.. and a very... very filial one. More tham 24 ok.

my FIL was a nice guy..but he has passed away.. MIL is the one..

Before we got married, he has stressed he has only 1 F and 1M. but wife he can have many..

But thru the years, I think I have to thank him in the sense that he knows what is right and what is wrong. So he didn't really side her much.

I have to say me and MIL dun really see eye to eye.. but we learn to close eyes..

I have to say she is not those character that will say things behind your back, our differences is more in handling matters.

So thru the years, I learnt to hear but not listen.. not happy but diam diam. But sometimes I will still flare bec of kids issue..

Actually, MIL's brother was surprised that I survived...

So most importantly, REN.....

[foreverj]

millan:

Before we got married, he has stressed he has only 1 F and 1M. but wife he can have many..

But thru the years, I think I have to thank him in the sense that he knows what is right and what is wrong. So he didn't really side her much.

for the first part. this is something i can't stand. true that he has only 1 F and 1 M but how can he say wife can have many? u should tell him in spore in current times, he can have only ONE AT A TIME.

[Andaiz]

foreverj:

millan:

Before we got married, he has stressed he has only 1 F and 1M. but wife he can have many..

But thru the years, I think I have to thank him in the sense that he knows what is right and what is wrong. So he didn't really side her much.

for the first part. this is something i can't stand. true that he has only 1 F and 1 M but how can he say wife can have many? u should tell him in spore in current times, he can have only ONE AT A TIME.

and tell me not many women would be like YOU!

[buds]

millan:

Before we got married, he has stressed he has only 1 F and 1M. but wife he can have many..


But thru the years, I think I have to thank him in the sense that he knows what is right and what is wrong. So he didn't really side her much.

:!:

:faint:

Unless one's husband is Muslim, then one's husband is not allowed to
marry many wives... unless if the guy is referring to kept women. :roll:
Buttt.... still.... :idea: .... Muslim men are allowed multiple marriages
capped at 4 nia.. Even so, dunno can handle one wife first anot.

[buds]

millan:

So most importantly, REN.....

It's ok to \"ren\" (endure), close eyes and mouth oso,
but when the IL issues ignite arguments between
a husband and wife..... this becomes a problem.

My MIL knows how to play her cards magnificently
well. The talking behind back is done on a regular
basis till it irritates hubs..... until such time he fed
up with his mom but yet takes it out on me.

One incident i vividly remember was when i was
6-7mths preggie with DD1, this was the 1st major
time i was damn bloody pissed off with her... :x

Before i knocked off from work...

On the phone with hubs.

Me : I'll be back a little late today as i need to get some
materials for the centres. I'm bringing 2 of my staff along
to help me carry the stuff we're getting.. shud be quite a
lot lah. After which, we'll have dinner outside & then can
go back. You ok with it anot? If not i gotta do it during the
weekends.. How?

Hubs : Your staff with you i'm ok. Just promise me you MUST
eat and you CANNOT carry heavy things. And come right back
after you're done, cos today i can be back latest by 8pm.

Me : Ok, i promise.

Hubs : Okie, take care then. Can't wait to see you later. Muacks.

Me : Muacks too. Till later...

Bought all the stuff, had dinner and waiting for cab liao..
I received phone call. It was hubs...

Me : Hi baby, watcha doin'... I am..... (was suddenly cut
off by his curt reply)

Hubs : Where the hell are you!!! :x Do you know what's the
time now?

Me : I'm waiting for a cab, there wasn't any when we tried
flagging for one ten minutes ago, so i called. And still waiting..
What's up baby... it's about 8:30pm now. I shud be back by b4
9pm... tops. (My heart was palpitating madly... sensing something
ain't right...)

Hubs : What kind of wife are you!!!!
What kinda wife always stays out so late all the time?
You should be back by now! Earlier in fact! :x (Shouting over
the phone)

Me : :whut: ..... What the heck are you shouting about...?
If this is the way you're gonna be speaking to me.... I'm hanging
up the phone now. It's senseless to talk to you in this temper now.

Hubs : (Silence) Hurry up back will you! I've been waiting!

Click. The phone went dead.

My staff said, \"No need to drop me off lah. You just carry on home..
I dowan to inconvenience you..\" I just replied, \"It's fine dear, it is
along the way, no trouble at all. Don't you worry. It's nothing....\"

My heartbeat was racing nearing the house and a few possibilities
came to mind. I didnt know how to prepare myself for what's to come.

As i unlocked the gate, the door swung open and i was greeted by an
extremely angry man whom i don't remember as my husband... i don't
want to remember him that way... Using much force he grabbed at my
arm and pulled me into the house.

Hubs shouted, \"Get inside!!!\" :x

Me : Hey.. that hurts.. What is wrong with you? My voice breaking...

Hubs : Shut up and go inside the room! NOW!

As i picked up my shoes to place them on the shoe rack, i saw my MIL
walking to her room, before closing the door..... she gave me a wry smile...
almost wickedly and definitely scaring me to bits. As i just placed my shoes,
hubs grabbed my arm again and dragged me to our room. From the corner
of my eyes, i saw her smile with her eyes and her lips pursed together...

Just as we entered...

Hubs pushed me to the bed.

At this, my tears already started rolling off down my cheeks.
I do not know this angry man... this man who grabs me
shouts at me and who is so rough with his mannerism
and body language.. i was sad and scared at the
same time. I said a quick prayer. God... please
help me through this..

With a loud angry voice he said..

Hubs : Do you know that i'm fed up with my mom always asking
how come you're always home after me... never eat with us... no
need to prepare food never mind... at least help serve and sit with
me... your HUSBAND...

Me : I've to stop you right there... (I said softly)
I've been working here for years even before we got married. You
know how my work is. I lock up after everyone leaves, i go to the bank,
i tally the accounts and check all the rooms are tidy and ready for the next
day... materials, books, worksheets, teaching aides, everything... this is not
something new... as for tonight i called you... You were fine earlier... so
loving and that was the YOU i was talking to... we were smsing each other
as well in the course of the evening... you were still lovey dovey too.... then
suddenly..... this .... this.... person i hear shouting over the phone like the
man i do not know.... and now i see him in front of me... who is this, baby?
What's really the matter? What's bothering you actually....

Hubs mallowed down....

Hubs : I'm fed up with my mum nagging me everyday about your working
hours. About you not being here... about you not knowing how to take care
of yourself which indirectly means not taking good care of the baby in you...
Why i'm always waiting... Why i've no control over your movements, etc..
I'm tired from work and i just want to relax when i'm home. Yes, i know how
your work is like, but can you at least be early some days so that she does
not nag at me like that all the time?

Me : When you're calm and telling me this.... asking me nicely.... discussing
this issue at hand.... this is the person i can speak with right now, not the
angry monster.... please baby... you scared me tonight... with that phone
call.... the grabbing my arm bit... the pushing me on the bed... (tears started
to well up again....) please don't be like that again... please baby... don't...

Hubs : (Huggin me) I'm sorry baby... i didn't know what came over me... i
just felt so provoked... I didn't realise... I just ..... I'm just sorry.... baby...
sorry.... sorrry... forgive me....

We just continued being in each other's embrace, both of us crying...

I knew that more was yet to come.

Now.... close mouth, i did.. (never talk back)
Watch my manners, i did... (basic respect)
Close one eye, i also did...
So, want me to close both eyes....

I don't think so.

Yup, there was more to come.

Never underestimate the interference of in-laws.

[hquek]

hi buds,


Been catching this thread on/off. Wow…I feel so bad for you. If my hubby dared to do this, I would have given him the mother of rows. It really takes somebody very strong to be able to sit down quietly and talk it through. Somemore when you were preggy, thank goodness nothing bad came out of it.

Nothing I can add, except ‘Jia you!’, ‘Jia you’.

(and I cannot help but add: 天有眼)

[hquek]

MIL stays nearby but not with us. Even then, I managed to get into her bad books once when all of a sudden I kena the freeze treatment.


I had absolutely NO clue what was going on, until hubby 'fessed up and told me his mum was mad at me - but he couldn’t tell me explain what was the problem. I was super angry with him for not defending me when his mum complained to him about me (apparently with tears in her eyes), and even more angry with her - she can tahan her kids screaming at her, but I cannot raise my voice in my own home? (that I supposed was the problem she had with me).

Anyway, post cold war, she’s nice to me again. but I cannot forget the past hurt - so am maintaining really really cool relations with her. Bad of me I know, but I really hate when I was condemned without knowing why.

[buds]

That's what i thought when i heard of friends' husbands...

But when it came to my own experience, it was just... i dunno...
Not that easy lah.. guess when it truly happens to you, you hafta
deal with it as it comes along. Nooo... i'm not that strong. Without
strong family support, (esp daddie)... i wouldn't have held out this
long... actually i oso dunno how much longer now... heh. :lol:

I'm just re-capping what transpired years ago. That incident not
recent at all, but nevertheless forgiving mebbe possible, forgetting
mebbe not. :politebleah: Cos \"ren\" is truly a subjective action to diff
situations / circumstances in each individual's lives. While it may not
always be greener on the other side of the grass... there have been
success stories... of triumph... a happy MIL-DIL ending... there have
been progress in the making... then there's also progress in the faking
too... :rotflmao: ... Aniwaes.... (big sigh) ... this is life as we know it. Live
and let live? \"ai\" you live.... \"mai\" you die lor... (die in strength & spirit sense).

Yes, thank heavens for that.. only good came out from it. My eyes open
wider. :lol: I learn to watch my back more. I learn to watch for signs and
body language more.. I didn't use to... Just thought everything was fine.
At least i thought it was... Cheh... One-sided nia... I too naive. Hahaa.
Too green in the IL area. Too trusting. Too believing. Come to think of it..
too nice oso. :rotflmao:

Tks, hquek. Your added support will add to my strength. :hugs: I sincerely
appreciate it. See ya around..