Extra Marital Affair
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3Boys:
I agree most men take their marriages seriously but in a different light from your idea. Men would never want to walk out on a marriage and will hang on as their dear life to an existing marriage even if they love the idea of venturing into a side dish but that remains a side dish. That is the plain selfishness of men I have seen often, want to have his cake and eat it. It happened to people close to me unfortunately, they all want to eat out once in a while but they still love the home-cooked meal on a regular basis, so you think they are not serious about the marriage if 90% of the time they prefer it at home? :roll:
I would venture to say that they are in the minority. Most men take their marriages seriously.cfan:
In my line of work, I have encountered so many men who openly brings the mistress out and pays for stuff in cash so that no bills were sent to the house. As to why we know they were mistresses, it's because before they bought stuff for the mistress, they have already bought something for the wife and the wife was also here.
Sigh.... sorry to pour greviances over here.... just wanted to share that alot of things are not so rosy as we thought they would be....
Also partly because men are made differently, having a dish outside to them is not out of love, it can be a separate entity to them. They will insist they seriously love the family and only lust the side dish, so are they not serious?
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A close male friend once told me. There were times when he wished his wife can be more like me. But he also knew that if I were to be his wife, he will feel very insecure. Asked him why insecure. He said he will feel very unneeded cos I can handle everything on my own. Earn as much as hubby, can handle the kids on my own, can even be a general repairman fixing leaky sinks, faulty bulbs, etc. He won't be surprised if he sees me changing the tyres of my car myself. Told him no lah, for that I will call AA.
He told me acting a little helpless sometimes will not kill me. He said that as much as most men like the fact that an independant woman means lesser stress for them on the monetary front, they still like to feel that their women need them to look after them. Told him have what, I need DH whenever I see a cockroach, need him to kill it and dispose of it. Too bad, DH himself oso scared of cockroach so he gladly pass the role to our helper. Hahah.
Anyways I got the gist of what he was trying to tell me and started to let DH handle some of the stuff instead of the past 'handle everything myself mode'. I still don't know how to 'teh', simply not in me at all. But these days, when a bulb blows, DH will be changing the bulb while I am his 1 person 'la la dui'. :love: -
Oh ks2me… how you worded it perfectly.
Yes, sad as it may seem there are men
who are perfect husbands, perfect fathers
best of friends with their spouses, comes
back early to spend time with the family…
does not reali like to hang out with their
friends outside of work… the typical family
man… but yet, they have these secret side
dishes that they have to take… like a vitamin
and there will never be a reason to leave their
main dish cos the main dish is his staple… The
side dish can vary, hence doesn’t hafta make it
an extra marital affair… but instead just the once
in a weekly vitamin of the flavour of the month kinda
side dish. Nothin’ prolonged and emotionally attached
just the current flavour that can whet his appetite for
that week. -
Yeah buds, I have seen enough suffering around me, see men justifying their actions, but in the end I see my girlfriends and the children having to live with the outcome of the mistakes made by their men. *sigh*
In fact there was one case I tried to help prevent it but in vain...what can I say?
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actually this brings to mind a topic that was on discussion last week on Class 95 morning show. It was about men straying. And during the show, thousands of smses poured in, and these from regular men. There were comments like it is nature, men are built this way. Or my wife could not satisfy me so I look elsewhere, it is a physical need, blah blah blah. One even gave an analogy of being able to afford 2 cars one for weekday and one for weekend so why not.
The multitude of justifications for their straying that poured in were just mind boggling and I cannot help but wonder if most men think that way. -
Funz:
I would think 3boys is more of the exception than the norm...actually this brings to mind a topic that was on discussion last week on Class 95 morning show. It was about men straying. And during the show, thousands of smses poured in, and these from regular men. There were comments like it is nature, men are built this way. Or my wife could not satisfy me so I look elsewhere, it is a physical need, blah blah blah. One even gave an analogy of being able to afford 2 cars one for weekday and one for weekend so why not.
The multitude of justifications for their straying that poured in were just mind boggling and I cannot help but wonder if most men think that way.
And I believe this is happening because of diminishing emphasis and quality on value education with the hectic lifestyle. In fact I read recently in a ST article, singles these days even consider the idea of having f-buddies, why bother to engage in a relationship? :faint: -
Andaiz:
Yes, it takes 2 to clap. But male ego is such that it needs stroking once a while.
Like we oso don't need it, huh sista..
It's an unspoken treatment that should be two-ways,
aye? Just that men can be such babies when it comes
to that.... And when they have someone else that comes
along happily wanting to stroke it, they oso happily take it...
momentarily forgetting their vows and priorities.
There is so much talk about communication paving the way for
couples but this is one thing men don't like to talk abt fearing it
may make them sound like the babies they can be...
A friend shared that during her marriage counselling, she was
darn surprised that there were minute and puny things like from
the deep big ocean sands embedded below which came our from
her husband. Most were petty and some were quite ridiculous but
somehow was supposed to justify his wrongdoings...
ie. cos the wife made me... or else i wouldn't have...
the wife drove me to do those things. :roll: :roll: :roll:Andaiz:
Yeah, that too. That's why kampong (village) girls are quite the cake.Read some time back about a baron in the UK who left his wife of many years for someone the same age, and not very good looking too
...and the reason is that the mistress \"made him feel needed\".
They showcase the seemingly virginal saints they are.. coy.. good at
\"teh\"-ing.. & never seem tired of it.. :roll: .. and display constant need
to be dependent on the men.. like damsels who always needs taking care
of... which to me is smotheringly suffocating.Andaiz:
Yup. Long sigh..:roll:That's the bane of our modern lifestyle, ain't it? :roll:
Andaiz:
Yeah. We are expected to be quite the superwoman. :roll:Women are expected to help bring in the bacon, make decisions about the house...yet make the guy feel needed??!?!
And when all goes well cos we learn to be independent and not trouble
the men over nitty-gritties so that they can focus on scaling up their
career ladder... focus on being happier husbands and daddies that
we like them to be... they come to that thinking that such an
independent being doesn't need storking, cos we seemingly
do everything so well that we don't need anything to keep
us going. Not even appreciation for some.
Though, at times at our genuine intentions to be quite the problem-free
wives to our husbands they take it that we forgot how to be \"the-wife\"
to them.
Now, commenting on this from a stay home wife and mother's point of
view... the wife made it her sacrifice to stay home to nurture her family
values and always the one to be there for anything... husband doesn't
have to worry about taking leave when children fall sick, doesn't have
to worry about chores or not having nicely pressed shirts to wear to
work, or not to worry about not having warm home-cooked meals each
time he gets back from work, or the occasional massage to his feet and
body from a hard day's work that is automatically offered cos the wife
appreciates his sole income to sustain this lifestyle... never forgetting to
provide that welcome home hug from the wife who missed him all day,
yet agn wives who make this sacrifice for the family in the first place, will
appear that they lost their appeal as someone interesting cos they're not
working.. doesn't need to wear nice clothes or make up like working
ladies.. and doesn't seem to know the life of the social network outside
as she's always home.. these wives appear they have lost the lustre of
a capable woman. When temptations set in, staying home with the best
of intentions can be a reason for what seems to be construed as not
being capable enough.
Yet what was hoped for was only the good things for the family.. -
ks2me:
Yes. Religion can also play a part in an honest relationship,
I would think 3boys is more of the exception than the norm...Funz:
actually this brings to mind a topic that was on discussion last week on Class 95 morning show. It was about men straying. And during the show, thousands of smses poured in, and these from regular men. There were comments like it is nature, men are built this way. Or my wife could not satisfy me so I look elsewhere, it is a physical need, blah blah blah. One even gave an analogy of being able to afford 2 cars one for weekday and one for weekend so why not.
The multitude of justifications for their straying that poured in were just mind boggling and I cannot help but wonder if most men think that way.
And I believe this is happening because of diminishing emphasis and quality on value education with the hectic lifestyle. In fact I read recently in a ST article, singles these days even consider the idea of having f-buddies, why bother to engage in a relationship? :faint:
if one does believe in the higher being..
Being spiritually bound as a family is stronger in a way.
It also helps restrain the need for the urge of developing
a secret life to the one that he already happily owns... -
3Boys:
I have whole-heartedly agreed with you on that thread the first time..Perhaps refer some of you ladies back to this thread? --> http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3258
To me, no matter what, spouse comes first. If you don't look after your marriage, you put the family (and that includes the kids) at risk.
We need to take a long term view and not get swamped by the multitudes of things that can come with child minding. Will DD or DS really suffer if he didn't take up that extra music enrichment or MT tuition that needs you shuttling him around? Possibly, but he will suffer far more if the Daddy drops out from the scene due to neglect.
I keep my children's programmes as straightforward as possible. Anything over and above the absolutely necessary is not considered.
Don't let your time with your children completely swamp your time with your spouse.
and here i affirm that agreement once again here. I do honestly think
that you are one of the few exceptions of man who are fast growing
extinct.
God and family are most important to you and you make it a special
priority in ensuring the best way you can, that they will always revolve
around your life first.... then comes other things. Not many men are as
thoughtful and committed as your good self in always reminding them-
selves and in your case also caring to remind others the need to have
a solid and firm grounding of what matters in our lives.
Your spouse and boys are very fortunate to have you.
A thoughtful and loving husband. A very involved father
and a guiding role model to them. Your sharings touch me
on a personal level and i'm grateful for it. Your perspectives
offer a different kind of comfort to me in that, if we really want
for things to be better, we can. We always can. We always have
choices.. and the choices we make or will make, have the power
to make things better or worse depending on how we make it
happen. -
Funz:
The multitude of justifications for their straying that poured in were just mind boggling and I cannot help but wonder if most men think that way.
Yeah.. and if the situation were reverse.. ie. women the ones straying...
i can already come up with a hundred and one names that they will label
us with.. not inclusive of those that the mothers in law would come up with
as well.
Justified cos being men they can, and being women we're not supposed to? :faint:
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