Extra Marital Affair

[autumnbronze]

ks2me:

3boys, I am trying to understand this dress up for yourself and dress up for your husband, is there a difference physically? I believe when a woman dresses up for herself, she is confident and looks good, it also means dress up for her man.


What Funz is trying to say is also true. People ONLY change because of themselves, hardly because of anyone else. Even if they claim so, those are only temporary changes, never last. Do a self-check, you will find the truth in this. However, the real change is driven by self-love. So Funz is right to point out that the motivation is to perk oneself up, however, all those feasting their eyes on a well-dressed person can all enjoy it together, and the one who enjoys the most could be the hubby. So why the need to split hair over this if outcome is the same? How can someone dressing attractive be only exclusive to one pair of eyes?

Actually if any change, it is the time-slice change, used to be in 2 parts, wife and husband and now slices into broadly 3 parts, wife, husband and children. Woman can continue to dress up, just have more responsibility for children because they are not independent yet, yet man can still find reasons to stray, even they have to time-slice for the children.......perhaps the father who is not so involved in parenting will find more excuses to stray. Hence if you ask me, it is not the dressing up what nots, it is sharing the load with the wife evenly, then she will have more breathing space maintain the similar time-slice share with hubby....is this a more practical way to solve the problem than just expect the woman to dress up etc...? I think both need to work hard at the children to make the marriage blissful.

That said, there is still a species of men who would stray regardless how happy a family he has due to an efficient wife....it stems from discontentment or prey to merely temptation(rich and attract women like bees to honey). This, is all attributed to the weakness of the mind and body. For that matter, such a category also exists in women today, just a smaller sample size only.

ks2me,

Well said ... :celebrate:

[3Boys]

Wah, I swim against the tide hor?


I actually don't think there is a difference, so in fact it is indeed splitting hairs. I was pointing out that if someone dressed up for herself and not her husband, it just seemed a little churlish to me. Like, if I took my wife out for dinner and told her, its actually because I like the restaurant but not because I wanted to give her a treat, I'd get 2 black eyes and deservedly so.

Actually, now that I think about it, if I do dress up, IT IS mainly for the wife, 'coz I don't care what other women think ....8)

[Funz]

3Boys:

C'mon ladies, you know your man, his happiness is really in your hands.

No, his happines is in his own hands. Just as mine is in my own hands.

[3Boys]

Funz:

3Boys:

C'mon ladies, you know your man, his happiness is really in your hands.

No, his happines is in his own hands. Just as mine is in my own hands.

Then that is how you choose to define your relationship.....do you really want him take his happiness into his own hands then? You want no part of it whatsoever?

[blurqueen]

3Boys:

Wah, I swim against the tide hor?


I actually don't think there is a difference, so in fact it is indeed splitting hairs. I was pointing out that if someone dressed up for herself and not her husband, it just seemed a little churlish to me. Like, if I took my wife out for dinner and told her, its actually because I like the restaurant but not because I wanted to give her a treat, I'd get 2 black eyes and deservedly so.

Actually, now that I think about it, if I do dress up, IT IS mainly for the wife, 'coz I don't care what other women think ....8)

Yes, indeed, you're swimming against the tide ... my DH would say, best to keep quiet in such a situation if not will get more than 2 black eyes. :rotflmao:

I read your posts with interest esp since you're just about the only dude brave enough to be here. I have to say, your wife is very blessed and made a wise choice in marrying you. Sadly, many men allow their bodies dictate their actions without much consideration of the consequences. Most would assume they'll not be so unlucky and get caught and thus they play the game \"discreetly\".

Out of 10 guys I know, 7 are willing to cheat on their wives but it's only for non-committed fun. They'll back out the moment the other woman gets sticky. They said, it's boring to eat the same dish everyday, a little variety will help spice up their lives and keep them less frustrated (some are even getting it daily with wives!). I think I need to change my choice of friends here too! :wrongmove:

Some men are able to please both women so well that only the mistress knows of the other's existence. I've already heard of 2 actual cases (2 friends' families) . . . the wive only knew of the mistress during his funeral. The other family turned up with grown kids (post grad even) to pay their last respects. Friend's sis couldn't accept it and became a nun. Other friend's mom was also shocked. Both family loving men came home on time, never spent much time out, weekends are home too . . . how did they find the time to keep a 2nd family?!?!?

[corneyAmber]

3Boys:

Wah, I swim against the tide hor?


I actually don't think there is a difference, so in fact it is indeed splitting hairs. I was pointing out that if someone dressed up for herself and not her husband, it just seemed a little churlish to me. Like, if I took my wife out for dinner and told her, its actually because I like the restaurant but not because I wanted to give her a treat, I'd get 2 black eyes and deservedly so.

Actually, now that I think about it, if I do dress up, IT IS mainly for the wife, 'coz I don't care what other women think ....8)

:celebrate: buds :celebrate: autumnbronze.

3boys, you are not swimming against the tide, just that you are from Mars and we from Venus, we see things from different perspective. But you know what? If we are stand in the middle, Earth...then perhaps we see it both ways! :lol: Sorry back to serious discussion.

As for the example of the restaurant, I think I will say it differently from you. I will say to my hubby because I like the restaurant and has done my homework beforehand, so I am now bringing him there to have a great experience. I mean I will touch my heart to speak what I love to hear from myself about what I am passionate about and not say things that my hubby wants to hear only to be politically right. That, is patronising and not love to me. If you get 2 black eyes, that is because you are not telling the truth of how you feel.. Your wife's instinct would have told her so and she is a 21st century woman, not Empress Dowager. *cough*

Ok for the sake of discussion and trying to let you see why \"dressing for yourself is more important\", 3boys, consider the following scenario:
Andy places so much emphasis on doing something for his wife's sake, even in dressing. Now *touchwood* hor, one day for some reasons valid(sickness) or invalid(stray), she drops out of his life, will he stop dressing up? Will he stop shaving, stop changing his underwear, stop putting on cologne, stop exercising and binge on food because there is no \"someone\" to dress up for now? You know this way of thinking is a bit dangerous because one beloved thing lost can crash a person's normal life such as dressing up. So before one can really claim to love, love oneself first by taking care of one's mental well-being. To start with, never revolve one's life around just another person but around an entity like a family is fine....the horizons gotta be wider than that.

All said and done, 3boys, I fully respect you for your steadfast ways to your marriage and think your wife is lucky to have you whose beliefs are strong and sound. Just that, you need to be aware, you are the rare species, not the other way round. So please don't let the reality change you. :celebrate:

[3Boys]

ks2me,

we are of similar minds lar, Mars and Venus notwithstanding. I don't split hairs with you okie :celebrate:

I am vulnerable like any other man. Insight is half the battle though, and I pray that the good Lord (and my DW's rolling pin) keep me strong against temptation.....

[Funz]

Actually 3boys, I agree with you to a large extent except for the alluded ‘so that your spouse will be faithful to you part’


I agree that we should take care of our partner’s emotions and ego and we should make the effort to fan our partner’s flame etc. But I do not agree that that should be a condition for keeping the other party faithful.

So long as one accepts that the other party has a role to play to keep him/her faithful, one has given himself/herself the key to stray.

I might sound idealistic or naive but being faithful to your spouse should be non negotiable, non conditional. It is my responsibility to stay faithful to my husband for I have given him my promise when we exchanged our vows.

As for the dressing up part, shall we agree to disagree? If DH dresses up, I want him to be wearing stuff that makes him feel good about himself and be totally comfortable in them. No point dressing up and ending up feeling totally awkward and uncomfortable. Again, I am saying this with the assumption that we are all decent dressers and not slobs.

I say his happiness is in his own hands. He is the one who makes the decision to stay faithful or to stray. To work through whatever issues we have or to seek solace in another’s arms. He makes the decision. If he thinks that his happiness is down the path that says stray then I definitely will not be a part of that.

[3Boys]

Funz, we agree far more than disagree, sorry I didn't see that. I also don't split hairs with you okie :celebrate:

[Funz]

3Boys:

Funz, we agree far more than disagree, sorry I didn't see that. I also don't split hairs with you okie :celebrate:

I'll drink to that. :celebrate: