In-law problems?
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hi treenymph,
wah, your story very riveting…I’m waiting for the next instalment. 5 weeks old and in hospital for tummy flu - I would have bawled my eyes out. Lucky you sprang into action. Buds is right, mummies have special attachment to children - do what you feel is right.
Jiayou! -
buds,
i think my MIL and your MIL probaby went to the same school...
she kept telling me that she is very well respected. right from the people in her ex-job (she is retired now) to her nieces and nephews and bros and sis etc. She told me that I;m the only one that doesn't respect her at all... didn't she realize that I'm the one who gets to stay with her while the rest only see once a while? With her emperess dowager attitude, who dares to object whatever she say?
whenever there's an argument, she will and must win it. and she will tell me that how come i'm so strong-willed and that i must win all the arguments? she reminds me that whenever i win i will lose something...
She wants to have the last say on everything - including things pertaining to my kids?? and when i say something about it, she will question me: how come you always must have the last say?? I was like :stupid: hello? they are my kids... why couldn;t i have any say at all? -
3Boys:
auntieM, your posts really make me chuckle...... :lol:
The events didn't seem 'funny' when they took place earlier, luckily I was able to gather my thoughts and deal with it in a lighter manner. I am lucky to have hubby's 'quiet ' support though. She still bullies my parents- verbally that is, whenever she can and I have to take care of my folks...(think Star Wars n lightsaber - I block, I block block) -
hi auntiem,
wow, you are another one I salute to. It’s wonderful that you can see the funny side of it…and describe so aptly.
Good luck and all the best in enhancing your blocking powers…May the force be with you! -
hquek:
hquek, buds,hi treenymph,
wah, your story very riveting....I'm waiting for the next instalment. 5 weeks old and in hospital for tummy flu - I would have bawled my eyes out. Lucky you sprang into action. Buds is right, mummies have special attachment to children - do what you feel is right.
Jiayou!
you are right. 母子连心 i learnt it the hard way and my baby boy suffered becos of that...
I bawled my eyes out and my heart aches. really cannot forget this...
and you know what? MIL called my mum up again! this time to complain that i didn't listen to her to bring my DS to see the doc earlier hence he landed in the hospital. She claimed its all my fault cos I'm so head-strong and didn't listen to her advise. said something must be wrong with my breastmilk hence the stomach-flu. etc etc... she even complained to my dad when they met each other at the hospital! -
tree nymph, you are one VERY PATIENT DIL.
tree nymph:
My IL's have the same issue. My MIL insisted that they should be popo and kongkong since that's what DH calls his gramps. My mum says that that wasn't correct coz they are paternal.Have any one of you have any issues with how the kids address the grandparents? I had. MIL at first wanna be addressed as popo - she said to be the same as SIL's kids. I told her i will let my kids call my mum ah mah, the same as what i've called my maternal and paternal grandmas. then after coming back from her malaysia trip, she has a change of mind and said baby cannot call her popo cos she is the paternal grandma and should addressed her as ah mah. then she said that my boy cannot call my mum ah mah cos she is maternal grandma. must call something else so as not to confuse the baby later on. I told her no. then she asked her sister to pressurize me and then she cried and gave me a scolding and said i was rude and not following her instructions etc.
This happened when DH was not in town. no support from him. my FIL scared of MIL, listened to her and kept saying \"we are the paternal grandparents, we should be addressed ah gong ah mah\"...
I exploded.
I told MIL that no, since you don't have golf only on monday and thursday, then you will look after the baby on these days. the rest of the days, since you are not going to be around full time, i will send the baby to my mum. then on the addressing, i told her that my parents prefered to be addressed as ah gong ah mah, like how i used to call my grandparents. no way around it, she was very angry and called my mum to complain about me, saying how dare me answer her back, so rude and no respect so on and so forth. But she didn't dare to tell my mum that its over the addressing...
Anyway, in my dialect, it's ah kong and ah mah. So my parents were also glad that way. Then, ILs started hearing all the flak from their friends...so when DD1 was about 8 months old, they wanted to change it to kong kong and mama (in Cantonese as DH is Kheh)...I said too confusing for the kids, they also heard from the same friends
that the kids would learn the Chinese term in school - nai nai and ye ye; and my parents wai going and wai po.
So now it is a very mangled version of yeye and nai nai (split between mandarin and cantonese)
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hquek:
I've gone over to the darkest side.... :!: . Will return when my MIL wins her 31st Oscar/ grammy/ star awardshi auntiem,
wow, you are another one I salute to. It's wonderful that you can see the funny side of it....and describe so aptly.
Good luck and all the best in enhancing your blocking powers.....May the force be with you!
Tree nymph be strong! -
Dear all, out of action for quite a while but i managed to update myself once in a while and this thread muz be the most ‘happening’ one…simply cos’ I feel so much for long-suffering moms here.
To all who shared, wow, my hats off to u! I totally understand when u all shared about your MILs. I’ve never ranted in a forum b4 but I need to, now.
I don’t stay with my ILs, thankfully, so my suffering is very little compared to those who have to stay with ILs. However, EVERY contact is fraught with unhappiness & bitterness in me.
My MIL thinks she owns my son (sorry, I’m not used to the acronyms i.e. DH, DD…i don’t know what they literally stand for) and that her son’s house, well, is hers too. Unfortunately, she has a set of our keys (unfortunately started some years ago due to an incident and guess what, those keys shall forever remain with her) and she will do whatever she wants in my hse. She is the type who doesn’t see the need or even THINK of ‘asking’ (doesn’t even tell, let alone ask) me things pertaining to my son. For e.g. 2 weeks ago I was very busy organizing a competition so I left my son with my helper at home for those 3 days. Hubby asked MIL to come over to help play with him so my helper can do housework. 1st day: fine; 2nd day: she decided to cut his hair; asked my helper to grab him while she cuts his hair (fringe, side, back); 3rd day: together with FIL, tried to kidnap him back to their hse (their car has no babyseat). Thankfully, my son cried, kicked a big fuss & resisted them. No one told me abt this till I found out thru’ missing DVDs (i traced the story: they took his fav DVDs back to play to him but since he refused to follow them, they forgot and brot the DVDs home & returned the next day). My helper dared not tell me until I asked her in detail.
On the day I was discharged from hospital, we were all in the lift. Out of the blue, she pointed at my ‘still-loose’ tummy, laughed loudly and said ‘Wah, so FAT!’. She’s a self-indulgent tai tai-mahjong, ballroom dancing, cruises and shopping are her favs. She has no qualms spending thousands of $ every month on her face, clothes, dancing but on my son’s 1st month, 1st year birthday, and actually until he was 2 yrs old, she never bought him a gift. She did buy a "3 for $10" babysuits once when he was abt 6mths old and announced triumphantly to me ‘so cheap’. She bought some rattles to entertain him when we go over once a week. Other than that, nothing.
Apart for the minority grp of MIL who really care for their DIL, never allow it if they insist ‘No Confinement Lady’. My MIL also said she will take care of my child after I give birth and she had nagged at me umpteen times when I wanted a CL. I never gave in and hired a CL. Thankfully I did otherwise I’ll be eating instant noodles. I’ve never come across someone as stingy as her. Once, she cooked a tiny little pot of ginger pork soup (well, the Confinement standard soup), brought it over and told my CL that after we eat, we have to return it to them as they’re eating it for dinner as well. Mind you, there’s only 3-4 tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for a total-breastfeeding mom (i get hungry in the first 6mths of 100% nursing). I was so angry I told my CL to return the tiny pot to her, say thanks, we can cook our own.
Every day, she will come and criticise my CL for not doing a good job, why I make my hubby spend this sort of $ and i’m wasting his $ etc. Truth be told, she wishes me to suffer and it’s a sin to try to take care of my health. Like many of u, my MIL also ALWAYS emphasise that she’s so experienced in childcare (but she did not bring up her 2 sons-that’s why my hubby not close to her), her salt more than the rice i’ve eaten etc. Yet when my baby was barely 1 day old (i just gave birth), she insisted muz feed baby water. She proceeded to take the glass and spoon in the room and fed my baby water. I told her no need to feed water as i’m breastfeeding him totally…all on deaf ears. The ‘experienced’ MIL wins each time, right? I forgot to state that the spoon was not sterilised.
None of her actions reflected her experience with babies, but DILs can never convince others of this. If she says she is, she is. Once, she even hurt my baby’s head with her huge gold bracelet on her wrist. My baby cried as she put his tender head on her wrist. I screamed at her! No need to guess, before my 1st mth was up, I made up my mind to take care of my baby myself 100% no matter what it takes. I made a mistake of allowing her to babysit him on Saturdays for a few mths. Enough was enough of her lousy babysitting, I stopped it just before he turned 1 and never again is she ever babysitting him again.
After my recent experience of her cutting his hair and trying to bring him home, haha, I’m not ever asking her to come over to ‘play’ with my son again. Simply negative EQ, she’s simply seeking love fr my son instead of giving him love. My son is ‘scared’ of her, I’m pretty sure he can feel the negative vibes. Haha. -
surfermom:
Dear all, out of action for quite a while but i managed to update myself once in a while and this thread muz be the most 'happening' one...simply cos' I feel so much for long-suffering moms here...
Great to have you back, surfermom! -
Heyya surfermom, back with one big bang, aye! :evil:
Or issit back with one big boomz? :rotflmao:
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