In-law problems?

[3Boys]

Lets be fair. There are many MILs that are genuinely good people. I am blessed with one such. Although she is quite traditional in her outlook and so she and I don’t see eye to eye on quite a few things, she commits a large chunk of her time to managing the babies and maid, and doing a good job at it.


Reading through this thread just makes me feel extra lucky.

As I stated in an earlier post (for which I was soundly lambasted!), sometimes (and I emphasise SOME) its just a generational gap. A bit of live and let live goes some way.

[buds]

tree nymph:

I bawled my eyes out and my heart aches. really cannot forget this...

Who wouldn't??? :x

I bawled my eyes out too when my DD1 came down with bad
bout of bronchitis when she insisted that none of her children
died being around pets, cos her children were asthmatic. But
mine developed immediate sneezing and came back almost
breathless! I actually told hubs to mind the baby for awhile
and already that happened!

I too will never forget all the wicked things she has done to me.
(And boy do i have a whole trilogy of novels for to cover all of it!)
All the untruths she spoke of me. NEVER! One can never under-
stand how unhappy i am living each day of the last few years of
my life with her. FIL and BIL oso has different sets of problems
i don't want to go into. They both personally try their best not to
intervene in this cold war i've since have with MIL. They maintain
neutral stance. Tho' sometimes, FIL does sneak in the occasional
\"intentional\" comment that my hubs is a hen-pecked husband...
always listen to wifey kinda man.. no balls to speak his mind...
blah blah blah.. once or twice he makes it sound funny, i brush
it aside. Once too often, i think he's trying to get on my nerves.
Please... i hardly have a voice in the house.

tree nymph:

and you know what? MIL called my mum up again! this time to complain that i didn't listen to her to bring my DS to see the doc earlier hence he landed in the hospital. She claimed its all my fault cos I'm so head-strong and didn't listen to her advise. said something must be wrong with my breastmilk hence the stomach-flu. etc etc... she even complained to my dad when they met each other at the hospital!

The things they do to seem right. Tsk tsk.. shallow. But unfortunately,
often well orchestrated... so it seemed so believable. :roll:

[auntieM]

Yup, there are nice MILs around but not many people are so fortunate.


My 6year old have asthma too, and my FIL just love to light up right in his face. Like when little one stood there, he will walk over with cigareete in mouth and talk to boy. Lucky my hubby alert enough to rescue the poor boy everytime

[buds]

auntieM:

Surfermom our MILs must have graduated from the same GEP class and are close buddies .

I like you already, auntieM! :rotflmao:

You've got killer humour girl! :rotflmao:

auntieM:

At least u got to see some form of cooking, me not once after giving birth.

Hey, me neither and boy am i soooo not hard up for it. I'd rather do
Burger King or Mac anytime! :lol:

auntieM:

She actually carry your child, play with him and buys him toys! My son only needed for family gathering drama and photo shots.

This part mine got different tactic. It's the must-rock-bb-like-viking for
baby to sleep kind! :shock: And we've trained our DD1 then to self-
soothe and she knows how to roll herself back and forth to sleep.

Once when hubby was outta house to put on his shoes, she lamented
and sighed loudly at me.. \"Poor baby hor. Never get love from your
mummy. So deprived. Poor little thing. Come come i rock you..\" :roll:
No need to mention my DD1 got a headache of it all and later on vomited
a bit of milk in the cab. Then, when we reached home she couldn't sleep,
cried whole nite and i was the one awake to care for her. Hubs was fast
asleep! I went to work the next day with big panda eyes! I was sooo dead
tired and cranky the whole of the next day. Deprived my a**! I was the
one deprived - OF SLEEP!!! I have to care for children in the centre every
day and not having a good rest just doesn't cut it for me to do my magic
with the students. Very frustrating.

auntieM:

Once over dinner my MIL was complaining non stop about her failing eyesight and backache soooo bad she couldnt sleep n having problems moving around... I waited for a while, then casually asked her where she park her car. She replied, together with fine details of how far her majong kakis stay and blah... .... Then I told her I heard another aunt having very good majong luck recently and won lots. She then blah blah blah about the recent 6 rounds they played together...
Poor eyesight hor, bad back har. ...... :stupid:

Very drama indeed wor.. :lol:

[buds]

auntieM:

My 6year old have asthma too, and my FIL just love to light up right in his face. Like when little one stood there, he will walk over with cigareete in mouth and talk to boy. Lucky my hubby alert enough to rescue the poor boy everytime

My FIL & BIL too! :x

I teach my girls how yucky it is
and they really detest the smell
from far away. They also tell him
smoking can kill ya know... but at
least in my case FIL and BIL does
not do it in front of them anymore.
We will literally move away from
where they're seated if we even
sniff one whiff of it. *cough* *cough*

Each time DD1 falls sick the family
doc will ask, anyone smokes in the
house/family? Any pets? :roll:

Cannot hor.. unless you want her
to come here all the time or worse
still develop worse reactions and need
to go hospital. Must remember to keep
her away from all these.. Well, doc...
i can just sigh...

[auntieM]

Thx buds, swear stories all real oki :lol: .


Luckily I am staying with my own parents now.

My FIL said 'oh damn shit' when my hubby told him I am pregnant with a boy. How to forget such incidents?
I am just trying to tell part of my story in a lighter manner, not in anyway trying to make ILs look bad

[auntieM]

I like your Rocker(put baby to sleep) incident, so funny.

My MIL will never waste her time on all these acts. Relevant photo taking moments she then will hug and squeeze lor.

[buds]

auntieM:

Thx buds, swear stories all real oki :lol: .


Luckily I am staying with my own parents now.

My FIL said 'oh damn shit' when my hubby told him I am pregnant with a boy. How to forget such incidents?
I am just trying to tell part of my story in a lighter manner, not in anyway trying to make ILs look bad

OMG! :!:
Can lidat arh? Tsk tsk...

Oh yessss... of course we dowan them to look
bad. We're just ranting to de-stress here right,
so that we can smile thereafter and be the
dutiful DILs that we are, no matter how provoking
the situations can be... at least they're still tolerant
and level headed ones like us who bother to be the
least tolerant and maintain respect cos i know of a
group of some DILs who will lash their tongue out
the very minute they kena from MIL. Hah! That one
is the very straightforward-no-nonsense-cut-the-crap
i'll-tell-you-off-this-instant kinda DIL... No matter how
we complain here, we still got hope kind lah. We're the
more \"ren\" kind.. can give and take or close one eye &
sometimes both eyes...

\"See no evil, hear no evil, so won't succumb to do or say
any evil...\" Chant it, people! Altogether now! :lol:

[surfermom]

Hehe, I’m back…with Boomz, Bangz whatever also can. AuntieM, yes confirmed, same University of OUTLAWS!!! I bet they have PhD and Buds’ Outlaw is Professor there + Head of Faculty!


3Boys, I agree there are MILs who are genuinely nice, I hv also stated that in beginning of my post. True, the rest of us are just not so lucky. You’re indeed very blessed. Actually, my hubby’s aunty is a great MIL to hv…she’s above all a great educator to her grandkids, genuinely caring & selfless. I love to interact with her and I told my cousin-in-law that if I had her as MIL, i’ve no doubt having 2-3kids straightaway and having her to care for them. My aunty-in-law also dislikes my Outlaw (in fact most relatives) cos of her Insensitivity, Tactlessness etc. Like Buds, further issues with my FIL etc (more of their r/p which makes her worse). Unfortunately for me and my fellow long-suffering moms here, I truly know what you mean when you say that they spin stories to their sons, make themselves the victims and accuse of us saying/doing certain things to create trouble. That we r lousy moms and poor children, we just are not taking good care of them. Pretend to be very poor thing, so selfless in front of their own family. Need my son for photo-taking sessions and to show off to mahjong kakis-hey, me too, AuntieM! As for buying presents, her first present to him was on his 2nd birthday which was 2 weeks ago. Better late than never?? I almost fainted out of disbelief!

AuntieM, ya that really wasn’t nice to say. It’s like cursing the baby (choy!). My OUTLAW claims that I was the one who doesn’t want baby, waited so many years to hv baby. Actual fact is that my hubby did not want bb and i persuaded him. Juz cos i’m very outdoorish, sporty and ‘happening-looking’ doesn’t mean I am. My hubby is much fairer but just as crazy in windsurfing but hey, sons will never suffer wrongs, they will always be right in mom’s eyes. All the blame on me. Once at a gathering, she proudly proclaims to her sisters that my son inherits my daddy’s good looks and unfortunately inherited my ‘dark skin’. She’s always been repulsed by my tanned skin & the fact that I’m totally into sports. She thinks all women shd be fair as porcelain, into dancing, shopping & facials. What use is there to defend myself or my son, that it’s due to his swimming & being on the beach everyday (of cos he’s not dark as we put sunblock on him, just a bit more tanned than most indoor kids). In short, all good genes are from daddy and all bad genes are from mommy. This is how it has been all these while. My son’s good nature genes fr daddy and when he throws tantrums, must be ME! She doesn’t even try to say it tactfully, she just lets go as a matter-of-factly. The most amazing thing is my hubby never notices such things. To him, it’s ok or normal for his mom to say. He also doesn’t defend me.

She also kept saying I make my son "go to work" at such a young age & threatens to babysit him since my son doesn’t like her so much & allow her to carry him. She tends to think I instigate my hubby for everything negative to her. Don’t u agree with me that we can never explain enough that these are either joint decisions or hubby’s opinion. I’ve made a stand to hv hubby tell her, anything that comes from my mouth is seen to be MY decision & that hubby is forced to listen to wife. I’ve learnt to totally keep my mouth shut. If she calls to ask why i’m not eating dinner etc, I’ll tell her to call hubby as it is HIM who has program, not me and to ask him, not ask me. It’s really amazing why Outlaws always think our men have no opinions and listen to wives for everything. It’s hardly true at all. Right, Buds?

Actually, I’m the straight-forward-lash-it-out kinda DIL…I try to, tactfully…but because I say it as tactfully as I can but firmly, (i have to cos my hubby doesn’t defend me), it makes my Outlaw hold her horses & realise that she cannot climb over my head. I actually don’t hv many opportunities to rant & destress abt Outlaw issues, so to reduce friction, I meet as little as possible, keep my mouth shut, don’t talk to her, don’t share anything abt our lives unless she asks abt baby. Yes, I try to ‘ren’ but I cannot close both eyes. If I do, they will kidnap my son & dunno do what rubbish to him. I am occasionally sarcastic to counter her comments. Such as "he’s not sick, what’s the point of being ‘white’ (fair?)". Use poison to counter poison (yi du gong du). hahaha. The fact that I dare to stand up to her actually does frighten her a little, I think. Not sure abt the rest of u, perhaps we need to assert ourselves? Will this help your situations? I’m sure in most of yr situations, they won’t listen and just make themselves the most pitiful victims. I can totally imagine that. Heh.

[auntieM]

Hi there comrade surfermom

Reckon if we two serving army or become POW sure same camp .

Must not fall into their trap and strain relationship with hubby. Sometimes stand up for your right, sometimes play blur.... .. I can only stay 'sane' this way.
MIL doesn't get much support from son cause brought up by nanny and my hubby very bochap. Sometimes when MIL order food that he doesn't like he literally camp outside restaurant with handphone.
Oh yes ,present! I am not expecting big Lego sets or expensive toys. Even story book also jardi right? No No... my son got a $7.50 Ringgit remote control car meant for toddlers when he was six. I really had a good laugh :roll: