Sibling Rivalry

[smurf]

hmm...tough...character problem? :?

[Andaiz]

smurf:

they are not. not scare of anyone...they are scare only when someone wave the cane and beat...but after that, back to square 1.

smurf, could it be that they're afraid of the beating, and not really aware of the consequence of their action?

My 3 gals hit and scratch but once someone gets injured, it would stop. I hate shouting at them but this year has been explosive for both DH and I (i.e., shouting at them to stop) and surprisingly, it works .

We're trying to be consistent now coz I think in the past, we've been really laxed. It's worked so far for 2010.

Smurf, don't give up hope...here's something another parent shared with me and do give it a try:

My friend pointed out to me the analogy of a wide field - when we run through this, it's hard to tell where it starts and where it ends...increasingly, we'd try and test these...and get tired out.

In a case where we are allowed to run through the field, but this time with a clearly defined boundary of barbed wires, then we know where it starts and ends. No need to get unfazed by it all; and in fact, we know when to stop (i.e., when you reached barbed wires) or injuries and unpleasantness (electrocution) would occur.

Kids probably need to know this and their limits too

[MJ2010]

My kids in their teens fight at home. But discipline themselves in school. Normal.

[smurf]

Hi Andaiz,

thanks for sharing.

I think my kids are scare of caning, BUT they will return to square 1 after I caned them. Yup, I use cane, cos if I dun, I can't control them at all. talking, nagging, shouting, distracting dun work. can u imagine they dun even listen to what said??


I hate caning, but I dun have a choice...I use separation, but after maybe about 5 mins...they will be back to playing and then fightin. :x

[millan]

smurf:

Quite sure that there is a topic about sibling rivalry, but I just can't find it. :?


Do your children fight? and what do you do when they are fighting? Do you continue letting them fight and 'solve' their 'problem' or do you intervene? :?

I hv 4 kids. This is a daily affair. My phone will be ringing when they can't resolve and my MIL simply can't do anything abt them but hv to get them call me. This is disturbing to my work. I can't do anything abt it.

The word they all fail to learn is ' tui yi bu, hai kuo tian kong'.

They are all outspoken kids and they will speak up for their actions becasue of the fact other siblings had done that manner before and they are just redoing the same.

It is not possible not to step in, unless I use threatening mtd \" if you dun resolve , then all will get non or all will get ban..

But the cheeky one iss till happy bec all cannot play...
:x

[Cool nurse]

Hi parents!👋🏻...Is sibling rivalry in academics normal?🤔...or is it just a phase? My son and daughter stopped communicating totally because of this, to the extent when if one comes out to the living room, the other will go to the room. My daughter is in Primary 6 at RGPS and my son is Secondary 1 in RI. Both of my children are extremely competitive and when I ask my daughter why she wants to score 280 (which is 1 mark more than her brother) for PSLE, she says she just wants to score more than her brother. This has been going on for months already. Even when my daughter got shortlisted by RGS for interview for DSA, my son just said, \"Huh, they shortlist you?, Impossible, you sure it is not a mistake?\" and that just spoilt the whole mood...at this point, I am so done with all this fights, I have tried all kinds of way that I possibly can think of, but that rivalry does not seem to go...Have any of you gone through this...how did you deal with this?...I need urgent advice at this point, they have not been talking for months. Please advice...Thanks in advance!!!😘

[zac's mum]

Sure it’s normal. My younger brother just had to best my PSLE score. Of course I hated him for it.


Same with one of my colleagues and his younger sister. It never ends, even in adulthood!

Have never done the “not talking” thing though. We aren’t close and don’t talk much ever since teen years that’s for sure.

Maybe it’s a boy-girl sibling thing.

[Cool nurse]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"1989518\" time=\"1596625120\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=1989518 time=1596625120 user_id=53606]
Sure it’s normal. My younger brother just *had* to best my PSLE score. Of course I hated him for it.

Same with one of my colleagues and his younger sister. It never ends, even in adulthood!

Have never done the “not talking” thing though. We aren’t close and don’t talk much ever since teen years that’s for sure.

Maybe it’s a boy-girl sibling thing.[/quote]

That is why I am worried too...I had sibling rivalry with my brother too...but we never ever stopped talking because of it. I am trying to figure out what I should do to stop it but despite doing a lot, the rivalry is not stopping...If they have physical fights, I will not mind!😂...but they are not even talking...last time I checked both of them blocked each other on WhatsApp...Haizzz, I dont know what will I do with these kids lah!🤦‍️

[zac's mum]

Just let her focus on her PSLE? It’s healthy competition spurring her to study hard at this point anyway.


Then maybe after the exams, organize some mutual family activities for them to let down their hair together. They might thaw out the Cold War Eg if u bring them out for ice cream or escape room team building kinda thing? Avoid sports or board games which may veer into competition again lolz.

[Cool nurse]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"1989539\" time=\"1596629675\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=1989539 time=1596629675 user_id=53606]
Just let her focus on her PSLE? It’s healthy competition spurring her to study hard at this point anyway.

Then maybe after the exams, organize some mutual family activities for them to let down their hair together. They might thaw out the Cold War Eg if u bring them out for ice cream or escape room team building kinda thing? Avoid sports or board games which may veer into competition again lolz.[/quote]

Yes...I should do that...Thank you a lot for the advice...!😘