Any parents of gifted children here ?

[workingmom]

deminc:

Reading - a child can't LEARN to read like an adult. A child can progress quickly to achieve a high reading level, but this cannot be learnt. Reading is a skill of not just word recognition, but also comprehension and understanding of abstract terms. At a higher level, the child needs to understand the context of the given topic, and this context may not be provided for within the text, but for the reader familiar to the topic, is existing knowledge.

And actually highly gifted children CAN teach themselves to read. You can look up Miraca Gross who researches in the area of profoundly gifted children. She keeps many case studies, and her area of interest is friendship for gifted children.

At the same time, some gifted children have learning disability like dyslexia that hinders them, and other gifted children learn to read at much later ages of 8 or 9, but once they start reading, they progress quickly to high-level materials. This is because of existing knowledge that have not been withheld from them simply because they can't read. So an overemphasis on skills such as reading and writing in the early years can actually be detrimental. Every child is unique in his development.

Finally, more pertinently, what do we consider maxmising potential?? Are we talking about SPEED? How early a child can do this, how fast they can do that? OR are we talking about a whole lifetime?

Is life going to be a sprint or a marathon?

Becuase if we're talking about speed, hot-housing is the way. If we're talking about a whole lifetime, we need to look at the whole child, not just what he can do. We need to consider if the child is an extrovert or an introvert. Is the child a creative dreamer, or a hands-on mechanic? We need to look at the child's perfectionistic tendencies and how that translate in an exam-oriented system. We need to understand the things that are limiting them and help them overcome these. We need to see what are the life-skills they need to help them arrive at the destination THEY want to go to.

To me, a child who can go the distance to have a fulfilling, and personally meaningful life, is the child whose potential has been realised.

Deminc

I read this post of yours and I can identify with you on many points. When my elder daughter was 5+, she started \"reading well\" ie. recognise and pronounce words. So, at that time, I decided that I would \"challenge\" her with more difficult books, the type with more words and less pictures. I then realised that even though she could read the passages she did not really understand the content/themes - I think they were too \"adult\" for her or too wordy and could not capture her interest. So she started losing interest in reading....we then switched back to simpler books, magazines with lots of pictures and more little kid-appropriate and now she is back to enjoying her books.

For my elder daughter, we did not really \"teach\" her to read, being a working mom, I didn't have a lot of time to read with her regularly...we did however ensure that she always had access to books, either from the library or some which we bought. Once she turned 5 she surprised us by reading independently...now we are facing a challenge with my younger daughter who just turned 5 and is still learning to read slowly...because we did not have to teach her sister, I am now trying to find out what works best for my younger girl.

For me, I am still learning what's best...its different for each child but I believe the way to go is to try a method that can capture interest. If they have interest, its a whole lot easier..that's why the \"learn thru play\" method is so popular.

Yes, there is a lot of emphasis to \"get-ahead\" in our society...which can result in hot-housing or over-preparation...the other day a family friend of ours told us that if we want to start the children on any musical instrument don't wait too late...their child was at Grade 3 while her friends were at Grade 6...like that...can \"never catch up\"... when discussing swimming lessons someone commented that age 7 is when you should have already completed your bronze...certain standards or \"norms\" have been set and I guess as parents there is an urge for your children \"not to be left behind\".

It's a long road ahead - and we all want what's best for our kids...I want my kids to enjoy what they do and to do what they enjoy....and as their parents to steer them to be become persons of integrity and humility.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Deminc wrote [quote]And actually highly gifted children CAN teach themselves to read. [/quote]
I have my doubts on that. The kid will need to have at least basic resources to start learning how to read. Recognition of alphabet at least & someone reading to the child. From there on, the bright child will be able to proceed to decipher the reading process on his/her own. Of course being gifted/bright, the child does not take long to recogize the alphabet when compared to a normal child.

I'm not advocating for flash card either. When I join KS forum, that is the first time I heard about it. Better not ask how I feel about hot housing a baby. It's an eye opener when I first spot it in this forum.

Tamarind wrote [quote]My hubby teaches her a very wide range of knowledge every night, she listens to everything with polite interest, and seems to remember everything. Sometimes when she encounters something, she is able to link that to facts which she learnt a few months back. That is how we know she understands the concepts. Her Daddy mostly talks and talks (in a way that makes me sleep in 3 seconds ), but she enjoys listening to him, and she will ask him to talk to her every night.

She is interested in astronomy and the world map, and likes to explore these areas further. But she is open to learning anything. But she is most interested to do things with her hands. [/quote]The reason I'm asking is to know if you do take the cue from your daughter. Especially if she is showing great interest when you touch on the topic. Do help her to explore if she shows great interest. I'm sure your daughter will flourish when she is able to share her interest with you.

Tamarind wrote [quote]How about your son ? I know that boys can become \"obsessed\" with certain topics only, like dinosaurs, and then they will spend a lot time learning about dinosaurs.[/quote]I hope I will not see the \"obsessed\" period that he went through last year ever again. It's too painful & stressful for me to handle.

I'm a working mum, with past history of a dd who was in & out of hospital as if there was no tomorrow. So, when ds went surpassed his milestone earlier than others, honestly speaking I dont notice. Even when someone pointed to me & tell me directly, it just does not sink in. What I have is respecting my kids wants & needs. Years back before he turn 2, he surprises me by memorizing a whole chunk of 3rd language along with English translation which I was teaching my daughter. Teaching my daughter the 3rd language is not meant for higher learning but meant for our spiritual needs. DS who always playing at our side just absorbed it like a sponge. But that does not mean I go running & find the 3rd language course just to maximise his potential. I just think he wants to be included when we learn & we invited him the next time we memorize the verses.

Now, it's still up to him what he wants to do. I have not even started P2 subjects on him yet but will start maybe two weeks before school re-opens. It's school holiday. We are chilling out at the moment. Intend to start swimming class & teach him how to ride a bike. I think that is more important than cramming school work.

[metz]

workingmom:

For my elder daughter, we did not really \"teach\" her to read, being a working mom, I didn't have a lot of time to read with her regularly...we did however ensure that she always had access to books, either from the library or some which we bought.

I suppose when parents say they don't \"teach\" their kids to read, it means that they don't actively sit the child down and get to the child to read word by word?

Neither did I \"teach\" my kids before they turn 2.5 yo. But I do read to them quite a fair bit (though not quite true for my younger girl). Btw, I started reading to them only when they were 9 mths old. But at as early as 15mths old, I found out that my kids can actually read books. Initially, I thought it was only pure memory. But at 2 years old, my son could read a book almost independently after I read to him twice (not the one-three sentence readers). As for my girl, she could read Dora the Explorer's Storytime Collection almost by herself at around the same age. But I attributed this to their ability in sight reading.

Though they are pretty good readers now, like what deminc and workingmom mentioned, they are still far from being able to read like adults. My son finished Charlotte the Web (within hours) twice independently. Each time, he learned something new and would share with me. I could see the contrast of the 2 views with time. The same goes for The Unfortunate Series of Events. With each book, he gets more insightful into the story. Though he has the ability to read such books, I think, for the age, it's still a bit too heavy for him. His preference for books still lies in those books with some cartoons. (En, thanks for the recommendation on Young Scientists. He simply loves them.) Books like Franny K Stein, Magic School Bus etc holds his interest most as they have wacky characters

Honestly, I can never be as hardworking as Tamarind or the mom she mentioned. Even during the period when we homeschooled, we didn't do much. Basically, I don't believe in cramming knowledge as well. But in our society, the pressure to give our kids the headstart is rather scary. Sometimes I do get sucked into the mad rat race too. So, I guess it's difficult to blame parents for trying to do their best to give their kids that headstart.

As for Tamarind's worry abt \"wasting potential\", I suppose if the kid has potential, it'll always be there as long as the right challenge is posed. I'm not sure if my kids have special potential in math, but both picked up numbers extremely fast. 2 months before his 4th birthday, ds could add/subtract (to 5) for numbers ranging between 1 to 100 mentally. He simply has the number line up in his head and it \"jumps\" around as he called it. My gal is displaying similar traits now too. But I'm not rushing her but simply taking it easy.

Sleepy mentioned that [quote]If the child can absorb (be it flash cards, puzzles, lego, drawing, reading, knowledge in science, maths, music, whatever), I don't see what harm can be done?[/quote]I agree with that to a certain extent. While a kid has to the ability to absorb like a sponge, I don't think it's necessary to \"fill\" them up to the maximum at this age. With my son's absorption rate in Math, I should probably start him on mulitplication, division, fractions, percentages etc earlier. But I chose not to. In fact, I simply taught him to skip count by 2,5 and 10 and got him to work the time-tables (1 to 9) by himself early this year. This probably would be an uphill task for him if I try to push it earlier. Interestingly, he's the one who asked me questions like what's 5 x100, 3 x24 (Nope, he hasn't been exposed to such questions yet.) I totally agree with Deminc that learning is more of a marathon and not sprint.

Unlike Tamarind's kids, both my hubby and myself are not able to \"teach\" science by just talking about it to our kids. (Of course, if they ask, we'll provide answers.) Neither can we provide explainations as what Chiefkiasu could (your explanation on MP3/CD player is really awesome!). So, we rely on reading up books a lot. My son likes reading Science books together as he needs clarification at times. I won't say he asks a lot of questions but his questions often require me to do some work (I'm not really good at knowledge.) For instance, when we taught him how the earth rotates around the sun, he questioned us on why does the sun seem to \"drop\" into the water. Shouldn't the sun be perceived as moving across the sky? Seriously, I am quite scared of \"teaching\" him. I may end up having to do a lot of research and explanation :oops: But fortunately, there is Internet nowadays :lol: On Science knowledge, he displayed the ability to remember them at around 2. After reading to he on how the digestive system works, he could regurgitate the piece of information easily. Besides, he could identify veterbrates and inverbrates at the age of 2+ too. Again, I wasn't interested in feeding him info and have him regurgitate them. Now as he picks up such knowledge from his own reading, he's able to make better connections. In a way, that's our preferred learning style.

Are my kids are gifted? Frankly, as a mother, I'm proud of my kids. It's immaterial to have them labelled as anything. Am I scared of the word \"gifted\"? Maybe. But not because it's elitist. Rather, it's the negative aspects of it. Gifted kids are often associated with sensitivity, emotional etc issues times bigger than usual kids. While my kids display a certain level of maturity, they do not display such difficulties common amongst Gifted kids. So, they cannot be gifted lah.

Btw, being a SAHM doesn't mean a mother does nothing except \"teach\" or \"nurture\" kids all day long at home. At least, not for my case. We are maidless from the very start with zilch help from anybody. Most of the times, my kids would be doing things on their own, swinging from playing, watching TV to reading on their own. Of course, I would get them to do some seatwork when my time and mood permits it

[jedamum]

EN:

When I join KS forum, that is the first time I heard about it. Better not ask how I feel about hot housing a baby. It's an eye opener when I first spot it in this forum.

EN,
You should go to SGparenting to take a look around. It will really open your eyes to the flashing-card trade/practice . The flashcards discussion here in KSP is considered very very mild in comparison.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Chamonix wrote [quote]Seriously, I am quite scared of \"teaching\" him. I may end up having to do a lot of research and explanation [/quote]
I can emphatize. There quite a number of times when ds ask something & I thought I gave the right answer. Boy, does he come back to haunt me to check if my facts are indeed correct. :oops:

Hmmmm...Have ds hit you with \"obsession\" yet?

Hi jedamum

I got the glimpse of the SGparenting thread that Tamarind provided here. It scares me off but if I ever going to have another child, I will not succumb to the pressure of the society. I grew up as a very happy, independent kid & I hope my children feels the same way too.

[metz]

EN:

Chamonix wrote [quote]Seriously, I am quite scared of \"teaching\" him. I may end up having to do a lot of research and explanation

I can emphatize. There quite a number of times when ds ask something & I thought I gave the right answer. Boy, does he come back to haunt me to check if my facts are indeed correct. :oops:

Hmmmm...Have ds hit you with \"obsession\" yet?
[/quote]That's my nightmare too. Sometimes when I explain or mention something wrongly, he'll be quick to correct me and even cite the book that gives the info... So now my favourite response is \"Let's check the internet. \"
[quote]I got the glimpse of the SGparenting thread that Tamarind provided here. It scares me off but if I ever going to have another child, I will not succumb to the pressure of the society. I grew up as a very happy, independent kid & I hope my children feels the same way too.[/quote]Can't agree more on this.

[metz]

EN:

Hmmmm...Have ds hit you with \"obsession\" yet?

Oops, overlooked the question :oops: He's not obsessed with any topic at the moment. Rather, he's obsessed with the subject - Science. Told me he just more interested in reading Science stuff at the moment, especially Young Scientist Magazines. And now we are reading the Childcraft books and other Science related books together...

How are your experiment sessions with your ds? After much harping from him, I have finally begun doing experiments with him. Our first experiment - growing crystals. Will probably be reading up on crystallization these few days.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

chamonix wrote [quote]How are your experiment sessions with your ds?[/quote]
You might want to refer to jedamum's thread on \"Simple Science Experiment\" & share your experience too. (Sorry. Dont know how to create link. ) If you read it, you know I only done 2 so far. :lol:

chamonix wrote [quote]He's not obsessed with any topic at the moment. Rather, he's obsessed with the subject - Science. Told me he just more interested in reading Science stuff at the moment, especially Young Scientist Magazines.[/quote]As long as you can cope emotionally, physically, intellectually, dont think there's any issue here.

Hi Tamarind

Based on your previous post, I know you have done wonderful jobs interacting & nurturing your kids. I did the baking session with my kids too & they love it. Simple things allow them to learn but I do not want to call it as \"teaching moments\". I would rather call them special moments together. I have an unused digital camera that my dh received. If the weather is sunny tomorrow, we are heading down to the park & they can start clicking away. My kids want to learn how to download picture & post in our family blog.

[metz]

EN:

As long as you can cope emotionally, physically, intellectually, dont think there's any issue here.

:roll: That's something I never have much to talk about... Anyway, he's into Basketball currently. We have finished the entire series of Hot Shot (yup, all 24 chapters) and his dad just bought PS3 NBA 07. So now, both father and son (sister's the spectator) are glued to the game. Rest time for me :lol:

[tamarind]

EN:

I read through the blog & stop short at the caning part. Dont know why there is a need to cram the child with so much at a very young age.

Joshua's mommy wrote :

Btw, Joshua is , like any ordinary child, at this age of misbehaving....at times very challenging for us! We wld use the cane on him. Do u ? He's very afraid of the cane! 1 advise though i am not an expert : when u use the cane, the child must be able to differentiaite btw the 'canner' and the cane - meaning to say taht the child must be afriad of the cane,not the 'canner' ! NEVER NEVER cane out of ANGER and FRUSTRATION. After i cane him, i wld always re-affirm my love for him cuz' i feel tat it's very important for him to hear that from me . I caned him for the wrong actions that he did, not cuz' he's a bad boy. High on my list is giving him unconditional love despite his misbehaviour !

I thought she caned him only when he misbehaved. She was not using the cane in the process of cramming him with knowledge.

EN, I am just curious to know, do you cane your kids ?

I do not cane my kids at all, even when they misbehaved. When my girl was around 18 months to 2 years 6 months old, she liked to test our authority. I never caned her, but I let her know that she could never get her way but throwing tantrums. After 3 years old, she knew the boundaries, and she has been a darling. I am a firm believer of not using the cane, or any means that will cause physical pain on a child. It is not easy to find another parent who thinks the same way.

EN:

The reason I'm asking is to know if you do take the cue from your daughter. Especially if she is showing great interest when you touch on the topic. Do help her to explore if she shows great interest. I'm sure your daughter will flourish when she is able to share her interest with you.

Yes I do take the cue from her. When it comes to knowledge, she seems very willing to listen and absorb any topics that her Daddy tells her. We don't go testing her on how much she can remember. Her Daddy also don't care about teaching her what she will be tested in school later, for example, he was telling her about plate tectonics the last few days.

I want to let her try out all sorts of activities. Last year I wanted to send her to a dance class, but she refused to go, so I canceled it. She loves drawing, and I have been buying books about drawing for her, and I also let her try various drawing classes.

I feel that one very important aspect that many parents ignored, is the development of fine motor skills. I knew a 4 year old boy whose mother told me that he can read, but I observed that he cannot even cut a small piece of scotch tape and paste it properly on a piece of paper. Needless to say he cannot write well. Developing fine motor skills at a young age is very important for writing, isn't learning to write as important as reading ? I have not heard about any other child who is highly developed at fine motor skills before the age of 5.

Baking is a good way of developing a child's motor skills, and also the ability to follow instructions. The act of scooping flour/sugar without spilling is not easy for very young children. Even cracking eggs require practice. Baking for me is a form of teaching. Our special moments together, are like sometimes taking long MRT rides together (from Boon Lay to Changi Airport), or simply lying in bed and talking to each other every night.

As a full time working mom, I am out of the house from 7am to 7pm, 5 days a week. I can never be as hardworking as SAHMs.

I do not want to maximize my girl's potential. But I feel very guilty if I did nothing at all. Doing nothing for a child who has a high ability to learn at a very young age, is \"wasting potential\". There are many full time working mommies who do not even have a chance to talk to their kids during the weekdays at all.

chamonix:

As for Tamarind's worry abt \"wasting potential\", I suppose if the kid has potential, it'll always be there as long as the right challenge is posed.

It is not easy to \"pose the right challenge\". A lot of thoughts and preparation are required.

All definitions of a gifted individual use words like \"may\", \"some\", \"often\", etc. My understanding is that a child does not have to fit into all those characteristics in order to be identified as gifted.

I am not trying to label some kids as gifted, and other kids as not gifted. I am just trying to provide a platform, where mommies who think that their kids have some or most of the characteristics of gifted children, can meet and talk freely about their kids and their development.

It is absolutely fine whatever term anyone choose to use.

I have never told my girl that she is \"gifted\". In fact, I told her that there are many children in this world who are more clever than her, and that she can always learn from any of her friends and classmates. I think that helps, because she gets along well with kids of all ages.