How do you deal with arrogant/how lian people around you?
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ks2me:
Disclaimer ah: JMOHO, for the sake of discussion okie, pls ...
I have to agree with you. I think mum's role is mainly to provide all the basic needs well and no worries, just like what our mums used to do. And if we outsource, the teachers should inspire and motivate in their area of expertise. Mother is not goddess...jedamum:
i beg to differ.
personally, inspiring son to study is a tutor's job, if not i pay for tutor for what? might as well give him tons of assessment and ask him to do. a mother's job is not to inspire son to study. it is to feed them, clothe them, love them and inspire them to do their best and to some kids, studying is not what they are best at. it is then the tutor's job to inspire these kids while the mum give support. do i make sense? eg no matter how i coax, ds1 refused to converse in mandarin with me, but whenever he stepped into Berries classroom, he'll be a mini chatterbox, 'bugging' his teacher in mandarin - that, is inspiration that i cannot give.
jmho.
ks2me, I refer to your statement highlighted in blue - That is precisely what the tutor's job is ... to focus in her 'area of expertise' - only.
BUT
To me, a mother's role is bigger than providing 'basic needs'. But then again, times have changed. In the past, with single income, I am sure many parents could not afford to provide tuition etc.. for their kids, does that mean that the kids were not inspired to study then? I also am aware that some parents may not have taken such an active part in their child's studies in the past, compared to now, but for those who did, they had to find ways and means to do it. Be it thru telling their kids their humble life story, reminding them the importance of studying etc ..... in the hopes of inspiring them to study and have a better life.
My MIL personally inspired her 3 sons academically by picking up what they were learning when they were in pri sch so that SHE could teach them, even second lang, which she was not good at. Just to give you a personal example, I am v rusty in my CL and btw, that is not my mother tongue, but I have/am taking baby steps to inspire my DS to speak and read in it ie reading to him, singing, speaking. I know there will be a time when I won't be able to do that and that I will have to get a tutor to continue where I stop. (I am hopeful that I am going in the rite path in my teaching, thx to Tamarind's blog and other forummer's suggestions). But by then, I am hopeful too that my DS would be inspired to do well in the subject because he has seen me making an effort to teach him and that I will continue to learn along with him and find out how he is doing in that subj. (sorri if I sound how lian here
:D)
Btw, jedamum, as a form of sharing ... My DS, when at home, sings at his heart's content and in his loudest voice, the Mandarin nursery songs that I play/sing for/with him. But come Mandain playgrp or Berries, he becomes v v shy. Esp Berries as its not parent accompanied. For the former, only in recent times, that I can barely hear him whisper some words in Mandarin when they are singing. As for speaking, he has to be prompted. And sometimes, he deliberately mispronounces words - thats how cheeky he is.
Ok, what I am saying is that there could be a myriad of underlying reasons why your DS does not speak to you in Mandarin. Of course you know your DS best ... I can only speculate? assume? offer suggestions? It could be that he feels more comfortable in the setting as he has his frds there. It could be his teacher is not so critical if he speaks broken Mandarin (as parents, we can get overtly critical). And you mention you 'coax' him ... Have you tried other methods? Is he like that with your DH and other members of the family?? I don't know how long this has been going on, but it could be a phase that he is going thru too.
Another analogy - the lahs, lors, hors that I use in this forum ... I will NEVER use them in normal conversations with colleagues or friends. I do it here cuz I feel a certain sense of belonging and of course, there is this shroud of annoymity lah. Most importantly, I am a trained Lit/EL teacher, so imagine if I spoke like that to my pupils or parents :!: Obviously, I see the situation and adapt accordingly.
(I am not trying to insinuate this to anyone in particular here, again JMOHO) If a parent's r/s with a child is problem free ie positive, then I don't see why there would be any obstacles in the mother/parent trying to inspire the child to study (and the word study is used generically here which is what I perceive, hence my response to the earlier post by Janet_lee88). To conclude, I am not against parents/mothers outsourcing. But that doesn't mean that mothers shd leave the entire burden to the tutor. The latter can only manage the academic aspect, but the it should be the mother that STILL has to ensure that the child's emotional well-being is taken care of during this period. And that also doesn't mean that the mother cannot try to participate in the child's studies by asking questions about what he has learnt, and encouraging and offering opinions and showing some form of related interest.
Mothers are certainly not goddesses, because the latter are perfect. BUT, in this imperfect world, mothers can strive to be positive role models for their kids ... which as it is, is a v v difficult thing to do as they are humans to. But I feel that that is what we shd be looking at - trying to be a positive role model. If it means adapting our way of doing things or thoughts, so be it. -
This is not a joke ok, but what is Peter and Jane books?
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Autumnbronze, I totally agree with what you have written, parents should be role models is definitely true. I say that in jest for the real truth is a child needs to be influenced from all perspective to complete his/her learning process holistically. To me, a parent’s role in moral support is given, i.e. there is no 2 ways about it as parents can never be subject matter expert in everything. So I won’t go into the lengths of what a parent need to do.
As for tutors, where one teaches to make a living or extra, one can easily get into a job "frame of mind". So I just wanted to emphasize that a tutor/teacher is not only to do it as a job but inspiring a child to learn is just as important in their own field of expertise otherwise even knowledge transfer can fail. -
2ppaamm:
This is not a joke ok, but what is Peter and Jane books?
It is a ladybird reading series to help young children learn reading like this:
http://www.ladybird.co.uk/ladybirdworldwide/keywords.html -
ks2me:
ks2me,To me, a parent's role in moral support is given, i.e. there is no 2 ways about it as parents can never be subject matter expert in everything. So I won't go into the lengths of what a parent need to do.
As for tutors, where one teaches to make a living or extra, one can easily get into a job \"frame of mind\". So I just wanted to emphasize that a tutor/teacher is not only to do it as a job but inspiring a child to learn is just as important in their own field of expertise otherwise even knowledge transfer can fail.
you have spoken for me.
personally, there is a difference in tutors who inspired students to take responsibllities for their own progress and those who only focuses that the kid understands the concept (KPI etc); students of the former one will look forward to every tuition while the students of the latter will dread tuition. jmho.
anyway, we digress already...k, back to the topic.
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ks2me:
:thankyou: Looks like I missed out a good series of books, my kids are too old for those already...2ppaamm:
This is not a joke ok, but what is Peter and Jane books?
It is a ladybird reading series to help young children learn reading like this:
http://www.ladybird.co.uk/ladybirdworldwide/keywords.html -
jedamum:
Okie, agree back to topic.
ks2me,ks2me:
To me, a parent's role in moral support is given, i.e. there is no 2 ways about it as parents can never be subject matter expert in everything. So I won't go into the lengths of what a parent need to do.
As for tutors, where one teaches to make a living or extra, one can easily get into a job \"frame of mind\". So I just wanted to emphasize that a tutor/teacher is not only to do it as a job but inspiring a child to learn is just as important in their own field of expertise otherwise even knowledge transfer can fail.
you have spoken for me.
personally, there is a difference in tutors who inspired students to take responsibllities for their own progress and those who only focuses that the kid understands the concept (KPI etc); students of the former one will look forward to every tuition while the students of the latter will dread tuition. jmho.
anyway, we digress already...k, back to the topic.
Just wanted to add that I have experienced personally and seen cases where because the teacher/tutor is SO inspiring that the parent/mother end(s) up relying on the tutor to extent of the latter becoming a 'surrogate' mother so to speak. That is what I suppose I was trying to say, but perhaps didn't come across clearly. And this shd never be the case. -
Quite a few of my students give tuition. They tell me that their job is mainly to babysit the kid, and ensure that they do homework. Isn’t that the kids’ own responsibility?
I often wonder if I have given my kids a disadvantage not giving them tuition, but if tuition = babysitting, then I’d rather do something else with the money. -
tankee:
Agree with tankee ... only because PILS are like that with my DS. Can't help it. Only grandson mah ... though I do admit I tend to cringe inwardly when this happens when I am w/i hearing range.25hourmaid:
There is another category of how lian people that I cannot stand - a doting grandparent boasting how 'good/smart' their grandchild is.
There is this old lady I know in Church and her precious one and only granddaughter (only son and also only granddaughter) is in the same school, same standard as my elder boy.
First when the PSLE results were released, she went .... \"actually MY S**** (mind you, it is always MY S**** this and MY S**** that) wanted XXX and YYY (the two top all girls' IP schools) but miss by one mark to these schools, so she's now in ZZZ school (my son's school) and that's her 3rd choice. She's now waiting for a transfer to either XXX or YYY schools.\" But the thing is now, 3 years on, her S**** is still in my son's school.
When she first found out that my son is in the same school as her S****, she went .... \"oh so you are also from ZZZ school? Do you know who MY S**** is? Have you met her? Which class are you in etc? MY S**** is in such and such a class and she won such and such an award, so you definitely must know who MY S**** is and must have seen her!\"
Goodness me, :faint: she talks as if her S**** is the one and only student in ZZZ school and EVERYONE must know who her S**** is or how smart her S**** is! :roll:
Now when my son sees her in Church, he turns around 180Deg and :siam: :lol: I do the same too! :lol:
I will cut old folk's some slack ... perhaps this granddaughter is really her pride and her joy. I will entertain her as long as she don't belittle others.
Yup, should not go to the extent of belittling ... thats REALLY not nice. -
ks2me:
:!: Why ah???? :faint: What kind of lesson is the child learning? Another form of hao lian is cannot lose face?
I also do not understand what's the point of saving face and spoiling the kid.
I remember a friend who was about 18 years old when we met years ago. She was taking a bus to NUS every morning, even though she was not attending class there. She had lied to her boyfriend that she was a student in NUS. :!:
I lost contact with this person. But how would she have continued her lies and how would she explain why she lied that she took her 'A' levels, etc. She did not even pass her 'O' levels. I seriously think these folks have some kind of 'sickness' or 'lie addiction'. Something like theft addiction. Pathetic.
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