In-law problems?
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tree nymph:
I share the same sentiments as you. Just in case i turn out like MIL (CHOY arh!)
2ppaamm,2ppaamm:
Haiz, how come MILs are all so difficult har, Buds?
Why do MILs like to compare? Different generation, different circumstances mah... At one time, my hubby thought I was jealous of his mum. I thought how funny?! She was the one jealous! I'm the one with the education, with the kids, with HER son. The son also became siao :siao: after the stress got into him. :lol: Luckily, now I only see her during CNY, and when I need her help, I yell, she still allows the kids to stay at her house once in a while.
:salute: :rahrah: :ugogirl:
My very first thoughts that come to my mind is that my kids will stay on their own after they got married. i don't want to have episode 2 from staying with in-laws and in case i grow to become a grumpy woman, i don't want my kids and their family to suffer because of me. i will leave them to arrange for childcare, but i will tell them that i will step in if they need me to. I would like to travel once a while, so if its possible we can rotate the schedule. it will be nice if we could go travelling once a while, but i know i can only put it in the wishing list. i really don't know what will become of me - maybe i will die young so no chance to see my kids get married? but if i do have my chance, please help to remind me how i suffered from my DIL days and not let my DIL suffer the same as me...
I mean we'll never know that yet ya see.. My MIL was mistreated and
bullied and she took it out on me. I might take it out on my Son IL who
knows, right? Especially if they aren't nice to my girls. :nunchuk:
I love travelling... make up for soooo much lost time tolerating nonsense
and not being myself... being free... Wah. I like that... freeeeee.
Just saying it feels good. :lol:
I do not want to care for grandchildren just like how i didn't expect my
mum to do it. She has done enough taking care of us three, it's time she
retire from child-raising all over again. They wanna be mothers then they
deal with it. Hahaa! Welcome to my world! But like you i won't mind the
occasional stay overs and stuff like how my parents are doing.. :hugs:
I oso dun mind coaching them Phonics... and guiding them on how to
read! :rotflmao: Provided by then, my methods are still accepted by my
girls and are still valid... and provided they dun oredi know how to read! -
minnie2004:
Me too, minnie. She was fantastic b4 hubs and i tied the knot. Totally cool.
I was very hurt in the beginning as I really wanted to treat her like my own mom as I respected her for bringing up 2 kids without a husband and I thought she was a good person until she showed her true colors and that she'll never never treat me like her own daughter.tree nymph:
i really think MIL does not accept us into their hearts at all. else why are they like that? I want to treat her like how I treat my own mother, but there's also dis-satisfaction in her part. I tell you, I really do think that I treat her better then how her own daughter treats her... but still.... realy :stupid:
i think we should get another place... even if we treat it like our weekend home is better then to live with them 24/7!
Then I just gave up and only hopes she treats like a human being with basic curtousy. But I don't even get that.
But alas it was all a facade.
It's true... tho beyond hope now that she'll
treat me like her own, i now dun care anymore. After her last ill actions
i have just minded my own business. You go about your day, and i will
go about mine albeit in the same house. No fuel no fire mah. So no talking
equals no arguing. Correct? -
buds,
just curious… who is the owner of the house you are staying in?
my case, its my FIL. i can always be chased out of it ya know… -
Shared by them. They got the house months before we got married.
Being her equal property, she will say she doesn't want to sell her
asset. In other words, she doesn't want us to get our own place.
She says it's better for families to stay together. :roll: That's not
what she said when hubs and i stayed at my parents' place.
Double standards. And she told me straight in the face she cannot
figure how it'll be like staying with SIL whom she says is quite the
ice queen. She doesn't like it that SIL can be forthright to her and
may seem mean at times that she gets frustrated enuf to tell me..
and still despite that she doesn't appreciate me who treats her well.
I just dun get it lar.. do you? Kicked out of the house.. ya, she says
it is her house (hubs holds main share) and that i better know my
place. She will not bat an eyelid lah i tell you, if i leave but she wun
let my kids and hubs leave with me. As usual, wants control over
everything, so that she has upper hand over me. Thats why it upsets
her and FIL when it seems to them hubs leaves certain matters up to
my decision. Not man enuf. Hen-pecked. No b***s. Scared of a woman.
Blah blah blah... she says the same thing about BIL too. But dun dare
mention it when he comes over. Back talking as usual. I heck care liao. -
buds:
Yes, that's why we don't talk anymore, not even on the phone. No point making each other unhappy. Life is too short to waste on such kind of people.
Me too, minnie. She was fantastic b4 hubs and i tied the knot. Totally cool.
But alas it was all a facade. It's true... tho beyond hope now that she'll
treat me like her own, i now dun care anymore. After her last ill actions
i have just minded my own business. You go about your day, and i will
go about mine albeit in the same house. No fuel no fire mah. So no talking
equals no arguing. Correct?
The only good MIL I know is my friend's. She told me her MIL was treated badly by her own MIL that's why she doesn't want to do the same to her own DIL. But my friend is also an articulate and laid-back person, unlike me who's more straight forward and doesn't know how to act. On the other hand, my MIL is one of those bitter, untrusting, cynical and suspicious type who can never be pleased. She even suspects her own niece of stealing her things. :roll: -
I’ve had enuf of the shit oredi. I’m up to my neck full.
I just mind my business and my distance with them.
Dowan to quarrel anymore. I’m reali worn out by
these freaking politics. It is supposed to be a home
for God’s sake. Not a battle ground. No one’s a winner
in a family argument. Each episode just fuels up more
animosity amongst everyone in da house making it
uncomfortable a place to stay.
So i back down. Just guai guai shut my mouth up.
That’s unlike me so hubs gets worried. Cos i am
not the type who is quiet. When i’m quiet, something
is not right… I dun even care now when she thinks i
am being awfully rude not responding. Just stoic and
zombie-like around her. No expression. No life kinda
persona… well there is no life to begin with when one
is out to destroy another’s happiness and sanity at all
cost.
I’m already unhappy with my life… thanks to her i
became unhappy with my marriage and my husband
too at times. I told him to divorce me b4 we had kids
so to spare me of all the crap. She doesn’t like me…
I’m fine with it. And i can get out of the marriage… we
were already arguing so much then anyway. So fed up.
So very unhappy. She was a real pain…:x
The cost part i tell next time. That was one of the last
straws i cud take. Beyond my wildest imagination…
G’nite now… somebody tossing and turning liao. -
buds:
That's difficult then as your hubby's $$ is locked-in to the house. Anyway to convince her to buyout your hubby's share so you can buy another of your own? It's good for both parties. But it looks like you're lessor of an evil to her compared to your SILShared by them. They got the house months before we got married.
Being her equal property, she will say she doesn't want to sell her
asset. In other words, she doesn't want us to get our own place.
She says it's better for families to stay together. :roll: That's not
what she said when hubs and i stayed at my parents' place.
Double standards. And she told me straight in the face she cannot
figure how it'll be like staying with SIL whom she says is quite the
ice queen. She doesn't like it that SIL can be forthright to her and
may seem mean at times that she gets frustrated enuf to tell me..
and still despite that she doesn't appreciate me who treats her well.
I just dun get it lar.. do you? Kicked out of the house.. ya, she says
it is her house (hubs holds main share) and that i better know my
place. She will not bat an eyelid lah i tell you, if i leave but she wun
let my kids and hubs leave with me. As usual, wants control over
everything, so that she has upper hand over me. Thats why it upsets
her and FIL when it seems to them hubs leaves certain matters up to
my decision. Not man enuf. Hen-pecked. No b***s. Scared of a woman.
Blah blah blah... she says the same thing about BIL too. But dun dare
mention it when he comes over. Back talking as usual. I heck care liao.
My MIL also has big problems with my SIL, or ex-SIL as she and my BIL are getting a divorce. I believe she plays a major role in destroying their marriage.
Anyway v tired and going to bed too. Goodnite! -
Wah...didn't log on for a day and this thread has blossomed :!: :!:
minnie2004:
minnie2004, I'm beginning to think that MILs on this post have a secret manual. My MIL is suspicious of EVERYONE - her maids for stealing food, her SIL's maid for stealing her clothes (apparently saw HER blouse on teh helper), my 1st maid for stealing her diamonds and insisted that she checked her room in our absence but I told DH and HE insisted that there be a third party and this is done in the maid's presence - and it was :sick: on her part, no mention of it liao....and her classic ME of stealing her precious son!... my MIL is one of those bitter, untrusting, cynical and suspicious type who can never be pleased. She even suspects her own niece of stealing her things. :roll:
Of course, I'd not measure up (in her eyes) to SIL who comes from a \"good\" family. She used to tell DH that I am a HDB dweller, I work in Finance so very :evil: and street smart...but HE knows I'm not that and is as straightforward as it can get! So that's why I don't know how to \"zuo hao ren\" in front of his parents, which SIL can.
Now, MIL likes to complain about SIL and her spoilt nature etc etc to us till DH told her to not bother telling tales about her but rather concentrate on praying for her! :celebrate:
I call that: The Emperor Strikes Back :laugh: -
tree nymph:
\\rugrats_pat,
how are you now? Have you thought about moving out?
Yes
They were very upset but I had a good talk to MIL and promised will come back often.
Which we did cause dd id parked there before going to school. -
minnie2004:
I know what you mean. I would love to have a vacation with them actually BUT I guess I hve thrown out that idea long ago....hi rugrats_pat, I totally understand how you feel. Don't think I can live a single day like that (a 10-day vacation with my MIL was enough to put me into depression for a whole year).
I heard that in China, the most sought after spouse canditates are those \"you lou you che, fu mo shuang wang\" (have property and car, both parents dead). I was shocked at first but I think there's a lot of truth to it.
I have to admit there is some truth in this \"fu mu shuang wang\" but that too late for it right hahahha
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