In-law problems?
-
winth:
But you guys have gone through at least 2 '7 years itch' in the marriage. And I believe your kids are quite grown up. So your relationship with MIL should somehow ease.
Well, my own father went astray after 26 years of marriage. What does that tell you? We must constantly work on the relationship no matter how long we've been married. There are just too many temptations out there for both men and women nowadays. We must resolute to work hard, very hard.
Also the media and movies are giving all the wrong signals about family lives. Single mothers, single fathers. They make a joke out of everything. But the reality is, kids from such families will invariably have a scar in their lives, no matter which generation you come from. If you do a search on Obama's speeches, you will see that even the most powerful man on earth yearns for a father's love, and a complete family.
The fortunate thing is, the MIL is no longer in the picture, except during CNY. So life is a lot more peaceful these days. I am actually enjoying myself quite a lot nowadays compared to my younger days. So those of you who are still suffering, be still and work another few more years. You will be out of the shit hole soon.
If you give up now, you'll have to start all over again in a new situation, new family perhaps, totally alone even. What can be worse? I used to plan around the problems, by going out of the country a lot with DH, and we spent a lot of time overseas as a family, just to getaway.
Getaway now and then, but come back to reality and handle the bull by the horns. The good thing is, tomorrow will certainly be better. I promise. -
tree nymph:
:goodpost:
:oops: :thankyou: -
2ppaamm:
I agree with you totally. So the best actually is too keep low profile. Just nod the head and keep quiet.
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill. -
rugrats_pat:
rugats_pat,
I agree with you totally. So the best actually is too keep low profile. Just nod the head and keep quiet.2ppaamm:
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill.
is it? i don't think i can do that anymore, i can't give in to her any longer and kow tow to her any more... -
tree nymph:
rugats_pat,
I agree with you totally. So the best actually is too keep low profile. Just nod the head and keep quiet.rugrats_pat:
[quote=\"2ppaamm\"]
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill.
is it? i don't think i can do that anymore, i can't give in to her any longer and kow tow to her any more...[/quote]I can't do the nodding anymore.. neck aching too much liao over the years
but i now do the stoic zombie kinda quiet. That stance alone is chilling enuf
for someone who knows the cheerful and vibrant me.. HER included. :lol: -
This thing about sharing property with their children so that the parents could legitimately stay with them when they get married is really scary.
His parents did that to him too but we 'escaped' in time. I told him that I would rather not marry if I have to stay together with her bec I told him, very matter-of-factly, that I don't think I can live together with his parents. I told him in his bedroom, with a door ajar. To my surprise, she was just sitting right outside his bedroom listening. I was :shock: when I opened the door to go to toilet, cos she was really peeping in and listening with great intent.
We quickly saw the house, expressed interest and paid deposit for it before they could do anything else. Dh's name was inside the property (it was done to get a lower HDB loan due to their parents age at the time of buying the property) and we were darn lucky that they took his name just weeks before our first appointment with HDB. His sis's name was used in DH's place for the HDB loan approval.
Now when I think back, I might really have landed in a situation like buds and tree nymph if I ever, ever stay there. My earlier years of marriage, she did dictate our every action and decision, plus our weekends too. Can't image. -
So, you did good for yourself, winth dear... and in the nick of time too!
At the very least, it is comforting to know that your hubs is supportive
and understands how you feel. Lucky you.. no need to get tangled in
any mess like me now..
And little that i know the first good impression i had was actually the
only impression i had of the good side of it all.. even that i now dun
credit to be genuine, since right after honeymoon... reality sank in
really fast and deep for me... to a downward spiral of the whirl pool. -
After reading all your stories, mine may look trivial but would still like share with you:
1) Told my DH that I'm \"ke fu\" (bad luck to husband) because my little finger is too short :stupid: The reality is, I'm totally \"wang fu\" as DH's fortune turned around after we got married - found a good job that he finally likes and suits him (was b/t jobs for quite a while), paid off all debt (student loans), have 2 lovely kids. In fact she's the one who has a typical ke fu face, I checked those fortune teller books.
2) Looked at my DD's ears and said, \"how come none of your kids got your ears\" (she thinks DH has good ears which are flat and close to the face), implying they got those ears from me. I wanted to say how come none of my kids got my eyes then (I have big eyes but my DH has narrow ones), but i didn't say anything.
3) Always wants me to eat the unhealthy food that she cooks although she’s the one who’s always talking about how to eat healthy (i think she's only telling me that so I can cook healthy food for his son). E.g. Once she cooked fatty pork and asked me to eat (but didn't ask his own sons to eat). When I said I didn't eat fatty pork ever since I was a little kid and I always feel sick if I eat the fat, she accused me behind my back later to his 2 sons of being ungrateful and distorted my words into “I’ll vomit eating the food she cooks”.
4) Her favorite activity during those few occasions when we went on family vacation together was to sit on the side and monitor everything I do/eat and criticize at any opportunity. E.g. when she saw me eating an apple she asked me if I had any for the kids (my BIL's kids, their mom was not there. She was smart enough to always find some excuses not to join these kind of vacations). Then I told her it’s the last apple and a rotten one. Then she’s silent. When she saw me eating some whole-wheat bread while the other kids (again BIL's kids) are eating white bread for breakfast, she asked me why I’m not sharing my bread with the others. I said I don’t eat white bread and I thought the kids only likes to eat white bread. Then she said the kids will be curious if I’m eating something different. :siao:
5. Plays favoritism. She always favors my BIL's kids more as they were her first grandchildren. During a dinner, in front of everyone, she complemented BIL's kids (11, 9, and 7 years olds) for being kind, good kids. Then she turned to our kids (then 2 and 4) with a straight face and said they need to learn.
In a word, she doesn't treat me a bit as a family member, who'd always think of the best interest of that person. In fact she treats me worse than a stranger. Of course I could care less at this point. -
tree nymph:
You know i still try and am still trying. I gather I just have to keep my mouth shut and ignore her so she will auto talk /nage /comment less to merugats_pat,
is it? i don't think i can do that anymore, i can't give in to her any longer and kow tow to her any more... -
buds:
Actually for you (from my opinion) you really have to move out. I think I have become a person staying out now. Somehow MIL manages to bring the DEVIL in me. I am always agitated, edgy and angry so easily. It was a wise move moving out by 8 years late. Well better late than never....I can't do the nodding anymore.. neck aching too much liao over the years
but i now do the stoic zombie kinda quiet. That stance alone is chilling enuf
for someone who knows the cheerful and vibrant me.. HER included. :lol:
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