How do you deal with arrogant/how lian people around you?

[2ppaamm]

ks2me:

Hee Hee....I will first get an update on them to see what has changed..

Very smart. For example, if this GEP kid has always done very well, and then suddenly got disillusioned, and then go off-track. When we talk about my kids who are on track, they will feel that I how lian.

Your suggestion is good. The next time, before I speak, I'll not answer their questions of how DS or DD are doing first. I'll ask them first to gauge where they are.

Ha ha! Thanks for the great tips!

[corneyAmber]

2ppaamm:

Very smart. For example, if this GEP kid has always done very well, and then suddenly got disillusioned, and then go off-track. When we talk about my kids who are on track, they will feel that I how lian.


Your suggestion is good. The next time, before I speak, I'll not answer their questions of how DS or DD are doing first. I'll ask them first to gauge where they are.

Ha ha! Thanks for the great tips!

Not sure if it is smart or :stupid: head too often gotta draw some lessons... :lol: :lol: :lol:

[autumnbronze]

ks2me:

2ppaamm:

Don't want to be branded how lian. One thing I must learn is how to speak so people don't think I am. Because, I really don't think I am anything big deal. Just a human who has been forgiven, that's all.

If I have figured it out correctly, one way not to sound \"out of the spectrum\" is to speak with like-minded people, i.e. background, children's abilities, interest etc... From time to time also need to do a check to see if they remain like-minded or not. This can avoid some blunders.

Yes, agree with you ks2me and 2ppaamm. Another one of life's lessons learnt along the way... *BIG sigh*

[corneyAmber]

autumnbronze:

Yes, agree with you ks2me and 2ppaamm. Another one of life's lessons learnt along the way... *BIG sigh*

It's ok, life is in fact a journey of lessons, once we stop learning, we stop living... :celebrate:

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

[quote]If I have figured it out correctly, one way not to sound \"out of the spectrum\" is to speak with like-minded people, i.e. background, children's abilities, interest etc... From time to time also need to do a check to see if they remain like-minded or not. This can avoid some blunders.[/quote]
Sometime it is not possible to just speak with like minded people. In neighbourhood school, the students come from different walk of life. If you only talk to like minded people, then other parents will also think you as how lian too. When I attended PTC, I chatted with a parent who is a mother of a struggling kid & ds classmate.

I would have guess based on the talk, this child does not come from an educated family. What I have done is to listen, just nod, smile, add comment here and there. When the PTC was over, she simply presumes I am working as a secretary, so I just gave her a smile. I don't think it is necessary to correct her presumption. I'll talk to anyone but I will definitely set my tone & my sharing to the same level as the person I am talking to.

But in the case of sharing in a forum, since the audience are varied, I'll just share things as it is. To ascertain the audience, I gauge by the topic but definitely some will still label me as how lian just because our mind doesn't click.

[2ppaamm]

EN:

[quote]If I have figured it out correctly, one way not to sound \"out of the spectrum\" is to speak with like-minded people, i.e. background, children's abilities, interest etc... From time to time also need to do a check to see if they remain like-minded or not. This can avoid some blunders.

Sometime it is not possible to just speak with like minded people. In neighbourhood school, the students come from different walk of life. If you only talk to like minded people, then other parents will also think you as how lian too. When I attended PTC, I chatted with a parent who is a mother of a struggling kid & ds classmate.

I would have guess based on the talk, this child does not come from an educated family. What I have done is to listen, just nod, smile, add comment here and there. When the PTC was over, she simply presumes I am working as a secretary, so I just gave her a smile. I don't think it is necessary to correct her presumption. I'll talk to anyone but I will definitely set my tone & my sharing to the same level as the person I am talking to.

But in the case of sharing in a forum, since the audience are varied, I'll just share things as it is. To ascertain the audience, I gauge by the topic but definitely some will still label me as how lian just because our mind doesn't click.[/quote]I agree wholeheartedly! :celebrate:

[corneyAmber]

EN:

Sometime it is not possible to just speak with like minded people. In neighbourhood school, the students come from different walk of life. If you only talk to like minded people, then other parents will also think you as how lian too. When I attended PTC, I chatted with a parent who is a mother of a struggling kid & ds classmate.

I would have guess based on the talk, this child does not come from an educated family. What I have done is to listen, just nod, smile, add comment here and there. When the PTC was over, she simply presumes I am working as a secretary, so I just gave her a smile. I don't think it is necessary to correct her presumption. I'll talk to anyone but I will definitely set my tone & my sharing to the same level as the person I am talking to.

But in the case of sharing in a forum, since the audience are varied, I'll just share things as it is. To ascertain the audience, I gauge by the topic but definitely some will still label me as how lian just because our mind doesn't click.

Actually En, we are still like-minded in our thinking in this case.
When I say speak to like-minded, I mean you can share more about yourself. However, of course, in reality, we have to speak to people of all levels and once it is identified not 'like-minded', then sharing is held-back and listening kicks in. So our ideas are similar, just that I only share one part of the story because we are talking about how to prevent ourselves from sounding 'how lian'. When I meet people so completely different, chances of me sharing is super slim, I am better as a listener. So :celebrate:

[csc]

This thread is getting very interesting. :lol:


Personally, I only share my blessings with a close-knitted group of friends and relatives who will rejoice over our successes and achievements. We don't judge or compare.
We celebrate and give thanks. :celebrate:

[2ppaamm]

csc:

This thread is getting very interesting. :lol:


Personally, I only share my blessings with a close-knitted group of friends and relatives who will rejoice over our successes and achievements. We don't judge or compare.
We celebrate and give thanks. :celebrate:

I agree with this to a large extent. But sometimes, even your closest relatives and friends also like to compare. Nowadays, I don't even dare tell my sister much about my kids. I haven't told her my son is in the uni already. My mum said she will be very jealous and angry, so I avoid that topic about how our kids are doing in school. And, to think that my son is already in 2nd year.

My hubby also tell me not to mention anything. I can empathise why she feels this way. She has 4 kids, but she got overshadowed by me, I have 5. So when we meet relatives, they always talk about how I cope, actually, I know it is also very hard to cope with 4, too. Relative lah.

Nowadays, I look for things she has and I do not, and talk about them more. Jealousy is something very hard to handle. When someone is jealous, you will always appear how lian. If that someone is family, it is so difficult.

Friends are much easier. You can choose them. I do hang around folks who don't compare. To each his own ma, in any case, this life is a journey, we don't know who is really successful yet, until the day we lay dead.

[Blobbi]

csc:

This thread is getting very interesting. :lol:


Personally, I only share my blessings with a close-knitted group of friends and relatives who will rejoice over our successes and achievements. We don't judge or compare.
We celebrate and give thanks. :celebrate:

:celebrate: :celebrate:

Me too!! Some of my friends say, \"Who cares. People will think what they think. We'll just be ourselves\". But my skin is quite thin, plus kena so badly until become so scared to say much. Plus I really have no great pearls of wisdom to share. A lot of things happen cos they do- sometimes, I feel like a spectator only :shock: .

Anyway, I enjoy listening to other people and feeling really happy for them. Sometimes, it's just a cheeky joke that some kid made without any special implication of being so smart/whatever our society values. These are the loveliest thoughts to carry in our minds.