Neither borrowers nor lenders nor both be ....

[autumnbronze]

Just wanted to start this off with a tongue-in-cheek title :idea:


Neither borrowers nor lenders, nor guarantors (as suggested by hquek :D) be
This is what was drilled in me when young.... with regards to money.

Okie, pretty easy to subscribe to the former part of the philosophy. And I try v v hard to. But the latter ... hmm sometimes a bit tough, esp when someone you know v v well is facing some genuine hard times and asks you for monetary help.

What would/did you do??? Was it an easy decision to make?? What motivated you to arrive at the decision??

I once had to turn away someone's request to borrow money to pay off certain % of the loan, due to overspending via credit cards etc .., subtly. Despite the problems, that person refused to tone down the lifestyle ie refused to sell off 2nd car (as it would be sold in a loss) and some other factors. So to me, that wasn't a genuine case. Sorry.

But hey, this thread is not only restricted to money, it can refer to things too. For instance, what irks me is when someone requests to borrow something from me and never returns it. Or returns it aft much reminding, or if it's not returned in the original condition (that doesn't apply if there's a valid reason lah, I'm quite understanding ya know :D). I used to teach and I had colleagues coming up to me to borrow stuff. Some returned it/them with thanks ... some did not but left it/them lying on my table... :roll:

So, do you have an experience to share?? It could be you being the lender, the borrower or both. However, if you fall under none of the categories, perhaps you could relate an episode that someone else experienced that you were privy to?? Or maybe just share your thoughts on this issue


Afterthought:
This thought just came to me ...

As parents, what/how do you tell/teach your kids with regards to this topic. I am sure at one point of time or the other, they may have also borrowed/lent money/stuff from frds etc ...

I am afraid I can't share as DS is only 2 and a half ....

[cluelessmom]

For me, when and if I decide to lend someone $ or any items, I always make a mental preparation tat I might not get the $ or items back or in the same condition so I dun get upset when tat happens which they will from past experiences. So, it was always an assessment of the value of the relationship over the value of $ & items. An amount or item which I can afford and comfortable to loose for this friend or relative.....and if the item is too dear or $$$$ too much tat it wld potentially sour the relationship if not returned, I wld flatly refused. :? Nt sure if tis approach is right bt so far so good

[tankee]

cluelessmom:

For me, when and if I decide to lend someone $ or any items, I always make a mental preparation tat I might not get the $ or items back or in the same condition so I dun get upset when tat happens which they will from past experiences. So, it was always an assessment of the value of the relationship over the value of $ & items. An amount or item which I can afford and comfortable to loose for this friend or relative.....and if the item is too dear or $$$$ too much tat it wld potentially sour the relationship if not returned, I wld flatly refused. :? Nt sure if tis approach is right bt so far so good

same same :celebrate:

[ooptimizer]

cluelessmom:

For me, when and if I decide to lend someone $ or any items, I always make a mental preparation tat I might not get the $ or items back or in the same condition so I dun get upset when tat happens which they will from past experiences. So, it was always an assessment of the value of the relationship over the value of $ & items. An amount or item which I can afford and comfortable to loose for this friend or relative.....and if the item is too dear or $$$$ too much tat it wld potentially sour the relationship if not returned, I wld flatly refused. :? Nt sure if tis approach is right bt so far so good

I fully agree!

[cluelessmom]

Hey, we all think alike so does that = we all have great minds?? kekeke

[ooptimizer]

Don't forget - fools seldom differ also!

[Blobbi]

ooptimizer:

cluelessmom:

For me, when and if I decide to lend someone $ or any items, I always make a mental preparation tat I might not get the $ or items back or in the same condition so I dun get upset when tat happens which they will from past experiences. So, it was always an assessment of the value of the relationship over the value of $ & items. An amount or item which I can afford and comfortable to loose for this friend or relative.....and if the item is too dear or $$$$ too much tat it wld potentially sour the relationship if not returned, I wld flatly refused. :? Nt sure if tis approach is right bt so far so good

I fully agree!

Yalah. I ever directed a friend to the bank before, cos she wanted to borrow money for renovations :!: . At least can use the flat (paid up) as backing mah.

Very sad to lose a friend over $$.

[hquek]

autumnbronze:

Neither borrowers nor lenders be

I think should add also, \"Nor a guarantor be\".

Heard too many cases where guarantors were held liable after the ones who borrowed money ran away...not talking about loan shark case, but even legal cases that were featured in papers.

[ooptimizer]

Blobbi:

Yalah. I ever directed a friend to the bank before, cos she wanted to borrow money for renovations :!: . At least can use the flat (paid up) as backing mah.


Very sad to lose a friend over $$.

The problem with lending money to these friends it that:
1. It will only encourage them to pester you for more money, or.
2. They will avoid you like sharks to avoid paying you back.

So in the end, you will still lose this type of friends no matter what you do. So the better option is not to lend at all. Then you will only lose your friend, and not your money as well.

[autumnbronze]

ooptimizer:

Don't forget - fools seldom differ also!

Wahhh, ooptimizer, I like this dis one liner - short and to the point