When your child wants this and that...
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CKS wrote[quote]I tried maintaining such a museum too[/quote]
My mum still have my museum. However, my toys are still in it's original boxes, clean & unspoilt. My kids got to play with my toys too :shock: So in a sense, I'm lucky that my kids do not ask for any toys. They got their toys during my good mood, feel like splurging period. Both carry my habit.
How about food? Will parents say no when their child wants something to eat? Err... mine will ask weekly (I can give a long list of restaurants) & branded ice-cream (not the local brand) which will cost at least $xx per tub which can be finished in one seating. -
EN:
I would resist giving in to my kid when he ask for soft drinks when it is a cold day or he is having a cough. I also don't buy him sweets when he asked for it. Think it is the consistency that matters, after a while, the kid will know that there are certain thing I won't get for him. But nonetheless, he will still try to push it :roll:
How about food? Will parents say no when their child wants something to eat? Err... mine will ask weekly (I can give a long list of restaurants) & branded ice-cream (not the local brand) which will cost at least $xx per tub which can be finished in one seating. -
My husband is the one who is in charge of food, especially the controlled feeding of the "unhealthy" kind. If she asks for sweets from me and she hasn’t had any in a while PLUS she is not sick/coughing, I’ll tell her to go look for her "collection" in the fridge. She has stopped asking me to buy them 'cause I’ll always remind her to finish what she has at home first. (It REALLY is piling up, and it’s not all from me too.)
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Whenever I bring my 4 year old out, he will keep pestering me to buy this buy that. even go supermarket also ask me to buy this sweets, buy that biscuits, etc. I know he doesn't want them after I bought, but he just cannot stop asking me to buy and I'm going crazy! :x
if I ignore him, he will throw tandrum to gain attention. what can I do?
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tamarind:
my boy doesn't take NO for an answer. either I explain to him why or I would scream 'NO\" very loudly. but by screaming at him, he will cry even louder and longer.and even if I explain to him, few minutes later, he will back to his usual self. :stupid:I think parents should just practice saying the word \"NO\" to their children.
When I said \"NO\" to my girl, she asked \"Why ?\". My answer is \"Because I am the mommy and I said so\". End of conversation. -
Hi smurf, what my DH and I did once when our DD was still a toddler was let her scream. We were in the supermarket at Ngee Ann City on a weekend and she did the drag body on floor thing too. We left her there and discreetly peered from behind some shelves nearby. In the end, she understood that when we said, \"I don't like to be with you when you are screaming/whining. I like it when you speak nicely and are not rude.\"
NOTE: Never say \"I do not like YOU when you are......\" cos our love for them is unconditional. Instead say \"I do not like IT when you are.....\". Don't think that they are merely children and do not detect the difference. Always treat them the way you would treat an adult (within reason, of course).
I remember once too when she was about that age and I brought her to Popular bookstore to get a book or two for her. She enjoys bookstore trips. Soon after we stepped in, she threw a tantrum because I refused to get her whatever it was she wanted. I put my intended purchase down and led her out of the store. Outside, I got down to her level, looked her in the eye and asked her calmly whether she would like to return home now or whether she would like to continue browsing the bookstore. She chose the bookstore and along with it came the condition that she was to be nice and polite.
We still have the occasional tantrum from her but none so dramatic anymore. So the key is to start young and to have very, very thick skin and a super deadly glare that you can direct to passers-by when they question your parenting skills.
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The problem sometimes stems from the novelty of buying something, rather than eating it. I realize that my DD enjoys buying sweets more than eating them. 8 out of ten sweets she buys actually end up in the bin (expired, mutated in the drawer, etc.).
As for saying no, it depends on the child. I have learned over the years, that with my DD at least, a neutrally voiced, level, firm "NO." is far more effective than a loud one.
smurf, with a 4-yr old boy, maybe things are different. I can’t really judge for you. I’ve never handled a boy before. What I do know is that sometimes when a child cries in this situation, it is not that he is genuinely upset (proven by the fact that he’s back to his normal self 10 mins later) - it is simply a trained reaction. I.e. the more times he gets to do it, the more he’ll do it as a reflexive habit. So you may want to retrain him.
One tip I can offer is that as parents, we should not over-react to the child’s tantrum. He IS trying to get your attention. And if we give in, it proves to him that throwing a tantrum changes the "No" to a "OK", which makes it worse.
I find that the best way to retrain such a child is to make your response as matter-of-fact and cool as possible, then try to change the subject. If you choose to explain why the request is rejected, again, use a matter-of-fact tone rather than a scolding tone. (Which is not to say you should never scold, there are still situations which warrant it). Be as emotionally matter-of-fact as possible. Hopefully, after some time, your boy will learn to respond in the same way.
HAving said all this, I must once again point out that no two kids are alike, so each one behaves differently to different methods. The above is just my experience. -
smurf:
Maybe 3-4 yrs old are capable of such behaviour. My 3 yr + also does the same thing. She WANTS everything in the mall and she would tell me she don't have this and that and she likes it. I always tell her, that it's not possible for her to buy everything so we are not going to get that for that. Eg. she asked for the talking house few mths back. It cost $200+ but god knows how long the interest will sustain.Whenever I bring my 4 year old out, he will keep pestering me to buy this buy that. even go supermarket also ask me to buy this sweets, buy that biscuits, etc. I know he doesn't want them after I bought, but he just cannot stop asking me to buy and I'm going crazy! :x
if I ignore him, he will throw tandrum to gain attention. what can I do? :?:
What my mum is good at is distracting the child. Eg. she said I want this and that, my mum would say oh I didn't bring enough money let's come back another day.... case close. -
MMM:
What my mum is good at is distracting the child. Eg. she said I want this and that, my mum would say oh I didn't bring enough money let's come back another day.... case close.
Then my girl will say, \"Never mind, you can use your card. This card cannot use, can use the other one.\" :roll: -
I like the way sashimi and schellen handled the situation. Firm and in control. We need to show that ,as parents, we are clearly the ones in charge - so never , never give in to the crying and throwing of tantrums.Children can have the power to "manipulate" their parents, so , parents need to stem their authority firmly.
Our kids learn from young that they will never get anything they desire if they don’t ask for it in the proper manner. Even then, what they want to buy is still subject to our approval.
It’s also helpful to talk to the child first before any shopping activities so that the child knows what is expected and required of him in those situations. If it fails, just pick up the crying child and leave the place immediately.
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