All About Parenting Teenagers
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jasmine4:
True! This is the age where what parents say means nothing, and what friends say means everything. Unfortunately. Haha. Perhaps parents can look for a family friend, tutor or cousin closer to their teenage kid's age to set a good example?kitty2:
Wonder how to control their mood swing? Sometimes a child can be feeling angry for no reasons and they tend to harm themselves
my friend's gal cut her wrist and the other one will bite herself or stuffs that she can find.At times they also don't feel like eating! One is under weight now.
Very often this kind of behaviour is influenced by peers. They feel that it is the \"in\" thing to do and feel absolutely cool about that. -
Hi, I am facing the same problem with my two DDs (17 yrs old & 13 yr old). When they come home from school, they will be using their handphones for a few hrs before showering & dinner. After dinner, it’s back to handphones & homework. Have tried to involve them in conversations. They are either not keen or give ‘don’t know’ as answers. My husband & I usually end up with one-way conversations. It’s also difficult ask them to go for outings as a family. Have tried to control their handphone usage but to no avail. Would like to know what are the activities you all do with your teenage kids (at home and outdoor). Thank you.
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boinbi:
Hi, I am facing the same problem with my two DDs (17 yrs old & 13 yr old). When they come home from school, they will be using their handphones for a few hrs before showering & dinner. After dinner, it's back to handphones & homework. Have tried to involve them in conversations. They are either not keen or give 'don't know' as answers. My husband & I usually end up with one-way conversations. It's also difficult ask them to go for outings as a family. Have tried to control their handphone usage but to no avail. Would like to know what are the activities you all do with your teenage kids (at home and outdoor). Thank you.
My girls are 14 and 17. Only the younger one has a smartphone (because of all the school whatsapp groups) and she uses it for a few minutes at a time maybe 2-3 times in an evening. The older one is still using a push-button phone and isn't keen to change!
At home - we talk over the dinner table. My younger girl is a chatterer and will tell me all sorts of things when she gets home and at intervals through the evening. My older one hardly says much and has to have info prised out of her, but we get enough to roughly know what's going on in her life. We are a Christian family, so we spend about 30mins on 'devotions' most nights where we also chat a bit. For leisure, we sometimes play board games or watch TV/DVDs together.
Outside - not much since the girls are so busy! Occasionally on a Sunday, my husband and younger girl will go jogging, and I will take a walk with the older one (we can't/won't run!). We try to plan some outings during the school holidays, but as they get older, it gets harder to find time. That will be things like having a meal, shopping, going to a museum or nature park etc.
On getting words out of reluctant talkers - have you tried not using questions that can be answered by yes/no/don't know/fine? I found with my older girl that asking those questions would inevitably get those answers and the conversation would end. Eg. instead of asking \"How was your day?\" (response - \"fine\") I will ask \"What lessons did you have today? What topic was discussed?\". I also refuse to take \"don't know\" as an answer unless they really don't know! Sometimes we have to be a bit devious. -
Thank you everyone for your valuable tips and sharing. Will try to apply some of them.
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All tactics shared are so often heard and tried yet many parents feedback that the result is still the same - their children especially their teens are still not cooperating with them.
My team has come up with a new program to help your teens (including one of my children) to improve their life skills - Secrets to Success for Teens. Would like to invite you to join us for a non-obligated preview.
https://www.facebook.com/sstprogram -
I used to give free tuition this girl in p6 (sec 1 now) as she was very weak in her subjects and her parents were unable to manage her - relationship fraught with difficulties. She was failing most of her subjects and seemed destined for normal tech stream although in reality, she is quite bright but unmotivated and has short attention span. Fortunately she did better than expected and ended up in normal academic stream. After she made it through PSLE, we pretty much left her alone to adjust to secondary school life, keeping in touch just occasionally. Originally she seemed to have adjusted well, despite sometimes posting on FB that she doesn’t like her school. However, recently I received a distressed call from her parents that she has started on a destructive path of self-mutilation. Challenged by some kids in school, she engaged in a self slashing contest and returned home with cuts all over the arm. I am very shocked - this is way out of my depth - anyone has any experience how to help such kids? I honestly don’t know if this is due to immaturity - like those kids engaged in staring contests etc - but its gotta border on some psychological issues for one to self mutilate? Appreciate any advice. Thanks.
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TravelMummy:
I used to give free tuition this girl in p6 (sec 1 now) as she was very weak in her subjects and her parents were unable to manage her - relationship fraught with difficulties. She was failing most of her subjects and seemed destined for normal tech stream although in reality, she is quite bright but unmotivated and has short attention span. Fortunately she did better than expected and ended up in normal academic stream. After she made it through PSLE, we pretty much left her alone to adjust to secondary school life, keeping in touch just occasionally. Originally she seemed to have adjusted well, despite sometimes posting on FB that she doesn't like her school. However, recently I received a distressed call from her parents that she has started on a destructive path of self-mutilation. Challenged by some kids in school, she engaged in a self slashing contest and returned home with cuts all over the arm. I am very shocked - this is way out of my depth - anyone has any experience how to help such kids? I honestly don't know if this is due to immaturity - like those kids engaged in staring contests etc - but its gotta border on some psychological issues for one to self mutilate? Appreciate any advice. Thanks.
I think this is serious enough that she should be taken to a counsellor or psychiatrist for evaluation. I have no experience about this either, but I did once attend a talk which mentioned slashing, and it is something that should be attended to immediately. It is often a cry for help or attention. -
slmkhoo:
I think this is serious enough that she should be taken to a counsellor or psychiatrist for evaluation. I have no experience about this either, but I did once attend a talk which mentioned slashing, and it is something that should be attended to immediately. It is often a cry for help or attention.[/quote]
Thank you for your advice. She has already been sent to the school counsellor. Not sure if she needs to go to a specialist psychiatrist - there was no recommendation to do so. The thing is that she did this not out of any upset but because she was challenged in a bravery contest by another student and she felt she needed to prove herself. So parents are torn between making it an even bigger deal than it is vs giving the Incident the right level of attention it deserves. Sigh...so confusing, disappointing & worrisome. Why are kids so unpredictable & emotional? Its scary parenting such teenagers.... -
TravelMummy:
TravelMummy,
Thank you for your advice. She has already been sent to the school counsellor. Not sure if she needs to go to a specialist psychiatrist - there was no recommendation to do so. The thing is that she did this not out of any upset but because she was challenged in a bravery contest by another student and she felt she needed to prove herself. So parents are torn between making it an even bigger deal than it is vs giving the Incident the right level of attention it deserves. Sigh...so confusing, disappointing & worrisome. Why are kids so unpredictable & emotional? Its scary parenting such teenagers....slmkhoo:
I think this is serious enough that she should be taken to a counsellor or psychiatrist for evaluation. I have no experience about this either, but I did once attend a talk which mentioned slashing, and it is something that should be attended to immediately. It is often a cry for help or attention.
Maybe this orgn - CARE.sg, might be able to help.
CARE is a registered charity and youth development agency established in 1997. As a premier agency in psychosocial risk prevention for youths in Singapore, CARE’s research and practice- based approach, focus and contribution are specifically designed to fulfil the purpose of helping youths succeed.
Approach
CARE adopts an upstream preventive approach because “It is far easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” In short, prevention is better, cheaper and wiser than cure. Youths who go astray incur high social costs. CARE’s work of diverting youths from crime or self-harm, and helping them.
Focus
CARE specialises in helping challenging youths turn their lives around. Working closely with primary and secondary schools, we target youths at risk of academic failure, behaviour problems, emotional maladjustment, self-harm or delinquency. We redirect and prevent youths from adopting destructive lifestyles by motivating, training and providing them with necessary life skills.
http://www.care.sg/?page_id=4 -
TravelMummy:
If she felt the need to 'prove' herself, it seems to indicate that she needs to feel the approval of her peers? Could it be a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem? Maybe her parents need to convince her that she is fine in her own right and need not seek after her peers' affirmation. For parents to do this, it should be by spending time with her and affirming that they enjoy her presence and value their relationship with her, not just telling her. For kids, they need the time and attention from parents to build that relationship.
Thank you for your advice. She has already been sent to the school counsellor. Not sure if she needs to go to a specialist psychiatrist - there was no recommendation to do so. The thing is that she did this not out of any upset but because she was challenged in a bravery contest by another student and she felt she needed to prove herself. So parents are torn between making it an even bigger deal than it is vs giving the Incident the right level of attention it deserves. Sigh...so confusing, disappointing & worrisome. Why are kids so unpredictable & emotional? Its scary parenting such teenagers....slmkhoo:
I think this is serious enough that she should be taken to a counsellor or psychiatrist for evaluation. I have no experience about this either, but I did once attend a talk which mentioned slashing, and it is something that should be attended to immediately. It is often a cry for help or attention.
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