Little Monster

[Cartoon]

Two years different between the sibling.


He is active and can speak well.

[winth]

Why don’t you ask him, when you guys are in a much calmer environment, why he wants to do things to upset people?


1. Why do you like to e.g. push people?
2. What did that e.g. boy do to you?
3. Do you know that that e.g. pushing people is not good?

Objective: ask questions so that you get an insight as to why he does things this way. That way, he knows you’re listening to him. For all you know, it might not be entirely his fault.

Children do that to get negative attention or when he feels that no matter what he does, he’s always WRONG, so he doesn’t care.

Sometimes, you might want to make him feel that you are on HIS side before you reprimand him. You need to make him know that you’re there to care and protect him. That might mean lots of pep talk with him to ‘brain wash’ him.

The huge clue to what you’ve mentioned is the key that he actually plays/behaves well when he is alone. It might be also that he does not interact well with his peers. Or there might be a certain playmate that he doesn’t like. Or maybe he makes faces because someone was rude to him, in the first place? And that’s the only way for a 4-year old to get back at that someone?

You’ve got a find a way to pull him out from this cyclical effect of bad behaviour -> punishment -> worse behaviour -> worse punishment. You can out-brutal force him now, but it will not work when he reaches schooling/juvenile age. We get older, our children get stronger. There is a reason why he’s doing all these things that he’s doing.

I remembered myself as being very quiet and unpopular in front of my relatives becos I overheard my relative’s comments about me in front of my parents and my mother did nothing to defend me. And I sulk whenever I had to meet them. This creates a cyclical effect. I can’t out-talk them and anyway, whatever I say, my parents will just agree with my relatives. So, why should I obey my parents who do not stand up for me?

Relative’s comments as this girl is not likeable (next time can’t get bf or get married as soon as my cousin) & my cousin can speak so well and so talented in art -> I Sulk -> More negative comments on me -> I Cry -> Comments that I’m weak and cry for no reason -> I don’t greet them -> I become a rude girl -> Parents force me to greet them -> Rebelliance and giving black face to my relatives, bec I don’t think it’s correct for them to pass bad comments about me in the first place etc etc

I remembered that I stared fiercely at my aunt for being extremely rude to my mum (who is the elder sister), it was my way of showing my support for my mum. But guess what, I was scolded for being rude… :x

Comments became worse when I become a teenager, but all thanks to such comments that made me strive hard to prove them all wrong and earn a status of where I am now. My cousin… still floating around…

[winth]

No offence.

But the title ‘Little Monster’ already tells me what you think of your boy.

And if you think of him as a ‘Little Monster’, he will grow to be ‘The Monster’ that you want him to be. Children are actually a reflection of their parent’s impression.

My 2 cents worth.
No offence, really.

[heutistmeintag]

Cartoon, maybe you can get someone whom your son trust and has good relation with to talk to. For example, my son seldom shares his thoughts with me coz I am stricter with him and it's similar situation for my daughter with my wife.


I think it will be very enligthening to hear his thoughts on his actions. He sounded like an intelligent boy who sometimes couldnt manage his actions and/or emotions. Dont give up nor give in to your emotions - it can become a vicious cycle as Winth said. BTW, I used to call my kids monsters too. :oops:

[Cartoon]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


He admit that those behaviours are bad and he promise that he will not do it again if i do not punish him this round but he did it again say the next day or a few days later.

Do you think he just want to prove to the others that he is strong and mighty like those cartoon characters in the tv program?

[winth]

Hi Cartoon,


Glad to know that you’ve spoken to him.
Did you ask him why he wants to do that? You should try to be as specific as possible by stating only 1 action that he did, say why did he make that face to this uncle. Don’t confuse him with general statements like why do you like making faces at people? Keep probing but don’t provide answers for him to nod on (e.g. Is it bec this so and so did this and this to you?)

Cartoons might be a cause too. Children tend to show things that they have been exposed to. That’s why I expose my boys to very limited programs. Now that I’ve thrown away my television, we end up having more time for discussions and game-creating.

[schellen]

You should talk to him as quickly as you can after the act has occurred. If you take too long, he may not remember or get confused and it’s not because he’s lying. Young children are a bit like pets; you need to catch them in the act and administer "corrective action" ASAP after, preferably in private and in a clam manner, of course.

[riccsal]

hi cartoon


Most impt you must still continue to shower your love

And continuously to teach him be it using punishment or rewards

And verx impt is to have patient and continue to have fun and enjoy the relationship


Regards

[Cartoon]

Hi


Thanks for all the comments. I guess i will have to put in more effort and to be more patient with him. Afterall he is still a little boy. Thanks again!

[Addoil]

Hi Cartoon


Finally found someone kids similar with me…

My 4 yrs old boy also do such things which is make me very headache, after read through this forum, understand that caning is not the way ( a lot of ppl advise that should use cane ) ya, but this only can control awhile, and the behaviour still there, will be come out on and off…
anyway, he is still a little boy, which we need to put in extra effort on it.

Really thks for all the sharing.