In-law problems?

[buds]

Dearest MMM, nice to hear a different perspective.


Rest assured i am not the least bit angry. What i
said in my first post today was recap… of what has
been said and done. I am calmer than i have been in
soooo many years. I may have exploded before during
the occasions where i was totally blindsided. However,
today typing that i am at peace.

It’s no longer just about the ILs now. Hubs has added
to the long standing issue. As for me being labelled as
pecking husband is totally untrue. This i got to stand up
for myself. I have been the sacrificial wife… giving up my
job so hubs can carve the career and climb the corporate
ladder without having to worry about how the children are
cared for. I’ve been a SAHM 7yrs now. Hubs has climbed his
ladder and achieved a good status in his company and also
well respected.

I am not the screaming at husband type. I’m the sarcastic
joker. I try to make light of things so there won’t be unnecessary
tension but jokers have bad days and on those days i reflect and
do not respond. Things happen for a reason sometimes ain’t it… i
am respectful of hubs just for the reason that he is my husband &
i try to be beyond my respectful self with his family. But his family
has taken advantage of this respect that i give and also given me
many many many problems emotional, spiritual and physical things
that can be seen. I cannot expect them to change but hell i did conform.
Even when i knew it would not necessarily make things better. Remember
being bullied and not responding in kind or firm enuf may make one appear
weak though they’re not.

It’s not a war i seek. It’s a peaceful amicable settlement where the
difference is this time after 10yrs, i want what i want and will strive
for it. To speak for myself. To stand up for myself. Both my girls have
also made their stand and spoken for themselves. I’m proud of my
girls and I now know i have done well as a mother.

As a wife, i have fulfilled beyond what i have ever imagined i was capable
of doing. Yes. No one can understand what i have endured being a loyal
and faithful wife for the last 10yrs.

I thank you once again for providing me with the avenue to once again
reflect on things and myself. I stand by my decision and let’s see how it
moves on from here.

I cannot keep giving chances and opportunities which do not bear any
significant result. Actions speak louder than words and all the many
empty promises.

[buds]

EN:

Buds, I don't know what other comfort words to say to you. All I can give is a big warm hug and a little prayer.

That prayer will go a long way, EN.

As they say the good and the bad comes from HIM
and it's how we make of it that counts.. :hugs:

Thanks, EN.

[MMM]

Hi Buds,


I believe your hub is also a KSP forumner and by reading your posting in this area. Unless he :siam: , he would know exactly how you feel about things.

Yes, the only thing we can do is to that you can find wisdom in whatever decision you will make. Good luck :hugs:

[auntieM]

Hi Buds,


:snuggles: ...

[hquek]

hey buds,


To all that insults etc that others heaped, to that I say please look at self first. A bit off topic, but what I want to say is, eg, I hear hubbies who complain wife don’t take care of self etc…but are their hubbies Mr Universe? Mr Richest Man in the World? pui pui pui.

You have done your part as a wife, a mother, a carer. Where pp would NEVER EVER think of living with ILs, you have been doing for so many years. For that, already I think you should have enough medals to adorn a wall.

Sorry, I dunno what to say or what to advise - but I hope you find your happiness near.

[autumnbronze]

Hey buds,


Listen to your gals and esp also to your inner voice.

Whatever your decision, if it will restore your peace of mind, balance of equilibrium and sanity ... then take the step and never look back.

As I have said this before, so shall I say it again:

Things ALWAYS have a way of working out ....

Take care, sista. All the best .... :hugs: :hugs:

[buds]

tree nymph:

....... indecisive and procrastinating!

This is truly one area where it reali matters.
You are spot on here, tree nymph. Again...
your quiet understanding means a lot to me.

[buds]

MMM:

..... he would know exactly how you feel about things.

1stly, he doesn't like me coming here.. to the forum and what more to
this particular thread. After a while he just said if it makes me trash
things out and feel better he doesn't care anymore if i come here. :lol:

The other thing is... knowing about how i feel is only half the battle won.
He knows exactly what's going on with the ILs and all other issues btwn
the both of us.

Not doing anything about it... or doing something and yet still undecided..
promising the world of changes and a better life, place and future but yet
to see any movement... sigh.

Opportunities which are given and not made full use of are called wasted
chances. I cannot keep giving chances indefinitely just so he can stall for
time. His time is running out..

He does not come in here much or i think mebbe not anymore.. but then
again, i sorta can't hold anymore. I'm sorry.

No one in the real world knows cept one friend and my immediate family.
The rest are you here in cyber world whom i hope are mature enough to
know and understand what i'm going through. Just like i said, my episodes
are enuf to enlighten all never to underestimate the damage some ILs
can do to a marriage. Only the spouse & their solid understanding btwn
one another can make the difference. In my case, it's only one hand that
definitely can't do the clapping.

MMM:

..... Yes, the only thing we can do is to that you can find wisdom in whatever decision you will make. Good luck :hugs:

Wisdom i may not have much, but experience and support i do have
and blessed with. Thanks for lending your voice. I appreciate it much.
:hugs:

[buds]

auntieM:

Hi Buds,


:snuggles: ...

Hug you back, auntieM. :hugs:

[buds]

hquek:

hey buds,


To all that insults etc that others heaped, to that I say please look at self first. A bit off topic, but what I want to say is, eg, I hear hubbies who complain wife don't take care of self etc...but are their hubbies Mr Universe? Mr Richest Man in the World? pui pui pui.

I am :rotflmao: rolling all over the floor (in my mind) at the pui pui pui part!
Wuahahahahahaaaa! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

The first step when doing reflections is to honestly admit where our
mistakes or issues lie. For myself, i admit i was fat to the point even
after losing weight i still feel i'm fat. Guess it makes me think harder
before chowing down that cheese burger or that cheese cake or erm
anything really other than air and water... :rotflmao: Well, living things
need air, food and water to survive mah. Suffice to say that i'm akin to
a plant so i don't need that much food. :laugh: Of course i am kidding!
I'm slurping ice blended drink with triple pearl as i'm typing this...
dangerously adding to the already many layers down there. :politebleah:

So with that whale term... with decreased interest from hubs fo awhile, i
lost some bit of weight i was never disciplined enough to lose. But i did
eventually and not without risks too, since i am not without health issues
especially at this age.

However the whale that i am... it is justified if the interest isn't as hawt
as before the weight gain because hubs is my Mr Universe.. ermm.. :idea:
more like Hercules come to think of it now. He makes it a point to look gd
to feel good. And he is determined with his routine. Mebbe it's mid life
crisis or mebbe it's his own personal crisis.. to each his own. But he looks
very good.

Just at last week's piano lesson when i was asked whether i ate my b'fast
already, i replied that i wasn't so much a breakfast person but i will eat a
light lunch. My DD1 broke out that i was trying to lose weight. At that the
administrator at the piano school said i dunno what fat reali is... she said
fat wud be if i had three times the size of my current thigh. She said i was
charming.. and nicely shaped. Wow. Coming from a fellow lady i appreciated
the wholehearted compliment and nevertheless i looked much the goof
that i am, brimming with a silly smile across my face the whole day. :lol:

hquek:

You have done your part as a wife, a mother, a carer.

I agree with you on this, hquek. Thanks for the affirmation.

hquek:

Where pp would NEVER EVER think of living with ILs, you have been doing for so many years.

Oh gawd.. you know this too? Yes yes.. that's what i've been told. Where
many have siam-ed :siam:... no need to look so far lar hor... my BIL & SIL
is oredi living proof... i have not. In fact, i embraced the idea even if i do
hafta admit i wasn't into it 100%. I sorta thought it was a totally bad idea
during the 1st few screenings of my MIL's drama... but hey now into season
4 oredi.. i'm still standing here. Albeit still alive and kicking... but not a very
happy joker. :politebleah:

hquek:

For that, already I think you should have enough medals to adorn a wall.

Thank you.. Thank you.. I dedicate my medals to my MIL and hubs who
helped to show me, who helped me uncover that through all adversities..
i am stronger than i think i was, but i am. For that alone, thank you. :please:

hquek:

Sorry, I dunno what to say or what to advise - but I hope you find your happiness near.

To happiness it is, dear! :celebrate:

:hugs: