I feel yuan wang! I am misunderstood as being snobbish
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Hi Blobbi,
Personally, I do watch it. Some people don't realize the impact of what they say, and there is no ill will on her part.
You are sooo right. Nowadays, I do watch out.I had made few blunders. Which, without the direct response from these recipients (I thank them for letting me know), I wouldn't have known that what I said and how I said it doesn't go down very well on some people.
The blunders that I have so foolishly made are:-
- We (both SAHM) were chatting about household income. She asked me to guess her DH's monthly income. Without thinking, I said \" To be SAHM, think husbands do make at least $12k monthly.\" :stupid: YES!! that was how insensitive I was. I don't know why but believe me, I wasn't in the least trying to be boastful. I just....I really thought her DH and mine are around the same range.
- My friend asked if I have anyone wanting to sell off piano. She said xyz thinking of getting 1 for her ds. I asked her \" Isn't xyz's ds the 1 who is gifted in piano? and that boy is now in grade 2, why didn't she get it for her ds earlier?\" I was geinuinely puzzled cos I thought the mum should have gotten him the piano since he is gifted in that area. My friend said, \"but his family is not well-to-do. can't really afford piano\" :stupid: :stupid: I apologised to my friend profusely for my insensitivity.
- 3 mums from my ds p2 class were chatting about their chinese teacher. I commented that the teacher is really good cos my ds doesn't need to learn his weekly tingxie, the teacher must have drilled them well during lesson. 1 of the mums said flatly \" I don't think the teacher is that great. My ds has to learn his tingxie a week in advance and still get 80+ each week\" I really kicked myself hard. Why? Why?
I can swear to everyone that I don't mean to be boastful and that I am just speaking my mind. But I don't think it is right for me to think that is a valid reason for me to speak my mind so insensitively. I do admit that we should mince our words in certain situation. Not so much about being a hypocrite, but just simply be more sensitive to people. I am now constantly reminding myself. and am glad so far I have not made the same blunder. God Bless! -
BeautifulLife:
Hi Blobbi,
Personally, I do watch it. Some people don't realize the impact of what they say, and there is no ill will on her part.
You are sooo right. Nowadays, I do watch out.I had made few blunders. Which, without the direct response from these recipients (I thank them for letting me know), I wouldn't have known that what I said and how I said it doesn't go down very well on some people.
The blunders that I have so foolishly made are:-
- We (both SAHM) were chatting about household income. She asked me to guess her DH's monthly income. Without thinking, I said \" To be SAHM, think husbands do make at least $12k monthly.\" :stupid: YES!! that was how insensitive I was. I don't know why but believe me, I wasn't in the least trying to be boastful. I just....I really thought her DH and mine are around the same range.
- My friend asked if I have anyone wanting to sell off piano. She said xyz thinking of getting 1 for her ds. I asked her \" Isn't xyz's ds the 1 who is gifted in piano? and that boy is now in grade 2, why didn't she get it for her ds earlier?\" I was geinuinely puzzled cos I thought the mum should have gotten him the piano since he is gifted in that area. My friend said, \"but his family is not well-to-do. can't really afford piano\" :stupid: :stupid: I apologised to my friend profusely for my insensitivity.
- 3 mums from my ds p2 class were chatting about their chinese teacher. I commented that the teacher is really good cos my ds doesn't need to learn his weekly tingxie, the teacher must have drilled them well during lesson. 1 of the mums said flatly \" I don't think the teacher is that great. My ds has to learn his tingxie a week in advance and still get 80+ each week\" I really kicked myself hard. Why? Why?
I can swear to everyone that I don't mean to be boastful and that I am just speaking my mind. But I don't think it is right for me to think that is a valid reason for me to speak my mind so insensitively. I do admit that we should mince our words in certain situation. Not so much about being a hypocrite, but just simply be more sensitive to people. I am now constantly reminding myself. and am glad so far I have not made the same blunder. God Bless!
BeautifulLife,
About the hubby's income yes I agree you shouldn't have said that. If your husband's pay is $12k, i can tell you most men do not even reach 75% of that. But I guess its to do with your social circle. Maybe most of your friend's have hubby's who are doing so well so you kina assumed that its normal for all husbands to have that pay range.
About the piano, I don't blame you. True I would have wondered how the boy managed to get by without one.
As for the chinese teacher bit, don't worry. I don't think the mother would have flared up at you. Perhaps your son could click better with the teacher? -
Kaitlynangelica,
Thanks for believing in me
I feel that no matter what our intentions and reasons are, how our family background is, we do have to spare a thought and be sensible to people around us. My DH is sooo much more tactful and mature than me. He told me to be more aware and sensitive to less well-to-do families around us and not simply speak my mind.
For the 1st blunder that I shared about husands' income, after the lesson learnt, I come to know that there are many SAHM whose husbands do not earn much but yet they choose to be SAHM cos they love spending time and nurturing their kids. I :salute: them cos they are willing to give up the luxury of having more money. -
kaitlynangelica:
...but I don't know where else to rant if not for KSP.
You can count on my ears, hon!! :snuggles:
BeautifulLife, now that you mentioned it, I remember that of course I've had my fair share, aiyo. :oops: :oops: But we all still have our respective friends, so maybe we aren't doing too badly :celebrate: . -
Blobbi,
Really? So it is common to make such blunders? I feel more 'phew' knowing that. I felt real bad and do wonder why I can be so insensitive at times.
And yes, I have a few wonderful friends who really know me inside-out and they believe I am not the 'how-lian' type
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Blobbi:
True.........But as the years go by, the number of friends get less and less. Actually after this incident.I think I have learnt a lesson. To put it bluntly, 'rich and poor' cannot go together. BeautifulLife, since your husband is doing so well, better for you to hang around ppl with whose husbands are in the same pay range so that you can discuss similar things and don't have to keep on thinking twice about everything u say.kaitlynangelica:
...but I don't know where else to rant if not for KSP.
You can count on my ears, hon!! :snuggles:
BeautifulLife, now that you mentioned it, I remember that of course I've had my fair share, aiyo. :oops: :oops: But we all still have our respective friends, so maybe we aren't doing too badly :celebrate: . -
If the person has a chip on his/her shoulder, most things that you say or do may be construed as being snobbish or hao lian.
I have been in these situations many times. If you answer truthfully, they say so boastful, if you give non-committal answers they say why pretend to be so qian xu, if you bluff and eventually the truth comes out, they say you insult them. No winning.
Think in one of my other posts I mentioned that I unknowingly offended my sis with a comment about how I get irritated when I see kids wearing grossly oversized uniforms. The retort I got was not everyone can afford a new set of uniform for their kids every 6mths ok. You think everyone like you ah, buy clothes that fits your kids now, wear once or twice, cannot wear give away. On and on she went.
My advise to my younger sis to do a complete reno of her new house instead of bare minimum first to save cost and trouble did not sit too well with her. Her reply was I am not like you hor, money lying around to do major reno. My offer to lend her money for her reno so she doesn’t have to incurr interest also got rebuffed. Her reply, this bit of interest she can afford.
Even with family, I blunder into such situations. What more with friends. My solution, when their hackles are raised, I’ll just keep quiet. After the emotions are settled then I will tell them I did not mean to offend them and that their reaction was hurtful. But sometimes my hotheadedness will rise and I will tell them off right in their faces. -
Kaitlynangelica,
Actually after this incident.I think I have learnt a lesson. To put it bluntly, 'rich and poor' cannot go together. BeautifulLife, since your husband is doing so well, better for you to hang around ppl with whose husbands are in the same pay range so that you can discuss similar things and don't have to keep on thinking twice about everything u say.[/quote]
:shock: My circle of friends (all SAHM) are made up of different background. My DH makes 17k monthly, I have friends whose DH make more than 20k, 10k, 6k and below 3k. I do not see any problem mixing with either group. I mean, friends are friends cos we have certain chemistry isn't it? I guess it is simply about how we can be more sensitive so as not to let any party feel being put down. Of course the topics that we talk about differs. With the group of friends that are doing quite well, we discuss about the latest bag that we have and the places we would like to visit during the holidays. With the group that are doing just decently, we do not touch on the same topics. I really do not think it matters. There are definitely more things that we look out for when befriending people.
I can sense that you really feel wronged. Guess I do understand how you feel. What about you put yourself into your friend's shoes? There she is struggling quite a bit with her life whilst listening to you sharing with her how well things are over your side. Definitely no wrong on your part. It is just that it may not go down well on her at this very moment. Since you mentioned she is a close friend of yours, I think we must have the faith that she does feel happy for you that things are looking bright over your side. It is just that she may be totally drained off by her problems at this moment. Does it help you to feel better? -
[quote]I can sense that you really feel wronged. Guess I do understand how you feel. What about you put yourself into your friend's shoes? There she is struggling quite a bit with her life whilst listening to you sharing with her how well things are over your side. Definitely no wrong on your part. It is just that it may not go down well on her at this very moment. Since you mentioned she is a close friend of yours, I think we must have the faith that she does feel happy for you that things are looking bright over your side. It is just that she may be totally drained off by her problems at this moment. Does it help you to feel better?[/quote]
Guess I feel wronged because I feel that my integrity is being questioned. She is definitely not living in poverty la. In fact, she is rather unusual in that she is very simple, not interested in career progression but at the same time hopes to give the best to her kids. At the same time, she doesn't want to be stressed at work in order to command a higher pay. So when we talk about kid's enrichment ( that was what triggered the whole thing ), she feels threatened and it comes across as braggy. Oh well, will just stay out of her way for a while then. -
Hi kaitlynangelica,
To answer your questions....
She's jealous cause my DH is more successful than hers.
She wanted to try putting her DS in a better school together with her Taitai friends but her hubby said no.....now those taitai :siam: her.
She left her kids to the 2 maids at home and they turn out kinda problematic.....Thus having problem at school.
So my son having fun at P1 didn't go well with her...
It's good to be able to rant here
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