Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[daisyt]

fussymummy, don't know you have gone through such tough route. I am glad you insisted for your children's custody. Children are still children, they would never understand why parents divorce and ditch them. They only know the fact is, the parents ditch them. This is exactly happened my brothers. The feeling of my mum ditched them are always in their heart, even after we have explained to them the true side of the story, but yet, there is still this \"ditch thing\" there in their heart.

[fussyMummy]

Everybody do make mistakes.\t

\t\t\t
Not all the time, we are able to choose what we want.\t\t\t\t
Under certain circumstance, beyond our control, we need to give up something, for continue to survive.. move on or ... !?\t\t\t\t\t
Those old sores only can be cured by了解 ..... 体谅.... then perhaps from there can be forgive and forget......

Some of my friends do said I am stupid indeed to be a single mother.. of course till now I still struggling on.... Both of my children are my motivation.

I do believe : While there is life there is hope :celebrate:

[thrice]

Take heart, fussyMummy

I do applaud your courage in moving out of a bad situation. I deeply believe that you are showing your children what it means to be strong and independent.

[kiddo]

fussyMummy:

..


I choose to have my children custody and take & control, as I really cant bear to leave them behind...

Only last week, my mum said I look happier nowadays and she feel relieved as I am doing well for kids and myself :celebrate:

U done well FussyMummy.....your child will be your biggest rewards in time to come .....keep going ...Take care

[auntieM]

Hi fussyMummy,


:salute: to you and do stay positive always...
Remember you have a group of KSP kakis here for moral
support

[sleepylula]

Hi all,


I come from a broken family. My parent divorced when I was 5yrs old.

I often heard or read abt how couple should try to stay in marriage or salvage their marriage for the sake of their children. I have 2 kids age 7 and 4. And I am thinking of "D".

My case is my husband travels very often. So often that now i got used to being alone with the kids. When he’s home I find that I have to re-adjust my life again and when he travels i have to be go back to my "macho-one-woman-show" life.

A part from that, recently i found that I have problem communicating wt him. He has become very MCP. Little little things i have to ask him and justify my case to him before he agrees. For e.g, little things like getting a new curtain. He preferred those black out type cos he too used to staying in hotels. I preferred easy maintainance. Cos I am those lazy type that will not deligently take down the curtain and bring it for laundry services. And after a week or two go back for collection. So I have to reason with him before he gives in. Talking to him becomes very tiring.

The fact that I am the one managing the housewhole yet I have to justify and convince him why I prefer this and that and so on. Imagine if I got those black out curtains, so who will be the one travelling to and fro the laudry service when he’s always not at home???!!

As I come from a broken family, i seriously do not know what are the negative impacts that will cause to the children. One thing for sure, I always find that I am more independent and mature than my peers during my growing up time.

Any advice?

[Funz]

sleepylula:

Any advice?

Think about how you are going to explain to your children honestly why daddy and mummy are not together anymore.

And I want to stress the word honestly. Not make up some excuses.

The example you have given is something that most married couples will experience. I also understand what you mean about having to change mode when DH is around and not around. My DH travels a lot too. And sometimes I feel that when he is around, aside from just having to handle the kids, I have to cater to him as well. And there will be times when I feel less stressed when he is away. But divorce never crossed my mind. Maybe because I come from a 2 parent family.

[fussyMummy]

Hi Sleeplula,


Perhaps I dont have any right to talk about \"how to maintain a happy marriage life\".... :oops:


Each individual do has his/her own preference....even just a kid....


家家有本难念的经 ...and it need a lot of communication, caring, mutual understanding....... 体谅...

As an outsider, we cant 100% understand the whole situation...

Dont keep think about \"D\"...

\"D\" is not the key word to solve all those household problem, in fact it do create more problem which unexpected...


生活不是完美的...but we can always create happiness.. for family... :celebrate:

[toddles]

sleepylula:

As I come from a broken family, i seriously do not know what are the negative impacts that will cause to the children. One thing for sure, I always find that I am more independent and mature than my peers during my growing up time.

Any advice?

You are one of the very fortunate ones who have survived parents' divorce, none the worse for wear.

I know of kids like you who have grown up very well-balanced even though their parents divorced, though i attribute it mainly to excellent mothering and support from the extended family. And these cases are extremely rare.

Most friends I have with divorced parents will say it had an indelible negative impact on them, regardless of how old they were when their parents decided to split (even if they were adults by then).

So overall, most times the kids suffer when the parents split, so I would say do try all means to revive the marriage before giving up...

[sleepylula]

The example i quote is just an example to illustrate how difficult to communicate with him nowadays. Off cos I have other reasons ....... one of them is MIL issue, ha !


I dun understand why stay in an unhappy marriage in order not to affect the kids. Can list me what are the negative impacts?

Tho I came from a broken family, I grew up normal (i hope to think so....), my studies & career are ok ....... I dun yearn for father's love during my growing up years. Then oni thing i could think of is I can take D easily since I have seen my mum survived it with 4 kids.

Off cause I will not rush to end it. I am trying to understand what hurts will I cause to my kids.