Difficult Relationship with Parents

[autumnbronze]

sakura_2009:

Thank you very much for starting this thread, Autumnbronze.


I know every child have their own kind of relationship with their parents (mum and dad) but like you, my r/s with my mum has really become 'superficial'. We simply can't seem to 'connect' anymore, apart from the fact that I still call her mum...she too, has become too 'steeped' in her way of thinking...she, as the mother, is always RIGHT, and me, as the daughter, should ALWAYS be the one to give way to her etc... sorry for the rant here ...

Hi sakura_2009,

Don't apologise. This is what this thread is for.

For many many years I have kept this to myself. I only opened up to my DH abt it. No one could seem to understand, maybe because they had an ideal r/s with their parents or worse still, are not able to accept the fact that their parents are 'like that'.

That said, superficial or not, I do try my very best to do my part as a daughter. And also because I do not want my DS to grow up in a 'negatively perceived' environment with regards to my mom, therefore I try to bring him down to see her once a week, though it is increasingly becoming difficult due to ferrying him to his classes and household responsibilities. It also doesn't help that she refuses to compromise and come down and visit, for her grandchild. But sad to say, in time, he will be able to see with his own eyes and compare the fact that my ILs are more giving and loving towards him. What do I do then?? That is the question that I am trying to sort out now :?

[sakura_2009]

autumnbronze:

Hi sakura_2009,


Don't apologise. This is what this thread is for.

For many many years I have kept this to myself. I only opened up to my DH abt it. No one could seem to understand, maybe because they had an ideal r/s with their parents or worse still, are not able to accept the fact that their parents are 'like that'.

That said, superficial or not, I do try my very best to do my part as a daughter. And also because I do not want my DS to grow up in a 'negatively perceived' environment with regards to my mom, therefore I try to bring him down to see her once a week, though it is increasingly becoming difficult due to ferrying him to his classes and household responsibilities. It also doesn't help that she refuses to compromise and come down and visit, for her grandchild. But sad to say, in time, he will be able to see with his own eyes and compare the fact that my ILs are more giving and loving towards him. What do I do then?? That is the question that I am trying to sort out now :?

Thank you once again Autumnbronze

In the past, I used to go down every weekend without fail (after I got married) to visit my parents. When I had DS, it was the same routine. However, as he grows older, it becomes much more difficult coz he started to have a lot of other activities - enricnment + tuition etc. The visits become once every 2 weeks, and that's where she started to 'make noise' abt the visitation. As the daughter, I should make time and effort to go down every week regardless of my busy schedule (I'm a FTWM) and the rants and complains floated to my other siblings as well...

Of course its not just simply about the visitation issues but there are others as well but I think we all agreed that if we keep talking abt the 'negative' aspects, it wouldn't really help in improving the r/s, isn't it? :roll:

[mummy of 2]

Mine is worse. I only see my mother every other week and that is too often for me. That is how bad our r/s is


I do not like to bring my kids to her house as she and my father are always quarrelling. Can hear it the minute we step out of the lift. My kids get scared and ask me why they are so loud. I just want to :siam:

That kind of environment is very different from our own family at home, and I hate showing this other side of my parents to my kids.

[sakura_2009]

lovekidsverymuch:

sakura_2009:

I think we all agreed that if we keep talking abt the 'negative' aspects, it wouldn't really help in improving the r/s, isn't it? :roll:

But before those positive thoughts come in u need to pour all the negativity out here so that wat u have is just positivity

Thanks! That gives me every excuse to pour all all the negative aspects

[mummy of 2]

Sometimes we just need to vent, and get the negative emtions out of the way. Hopefully that can help us start on new note and put the past behind, as much as possible, anyway.


But I very much doubt I can do that with my mother.

[sakura_2009]

mummy of 2:

Mine is worse. I only see my mother every other week and that is too often for me. That is how bad our r/s is


I do not like to bring my kids to her house as she and my father are always quarrelling. Can hear it the minute we step out of the lift. My kids get scared and ask me why they are so loud. I just want to :siam:

That kind of environment is very different from our own family at home, and I hate showing this other side of my parents to my kids.

geezz..mummy of 2 - when you speak of your mum, it really sounds as though you are talking about MY mum :? During one of the weekend visitation, (as usual), my mum was shouting at my dad (quarelling over a lunch issue, as far as I'm aware). My mum continue shouting at my dad, who unfortunately has some hearing problem, when my son suddently shouted at my mum \" Stop it! Stop it! Grandma!! Why are you shouting like that??\" My DS was just 5 years old that time

[sakura_2009]

mummy of 2:

Mine is worse. I only see my mother every other week and that is too often for me. That is how bad our r/s is


I do not like to bring my kids to her house as she and my father are always quarrelling. Can hear it the minute we step out of the lift. My kids get scared and ask me why they are so loud. I just want to :siam:

That kind of environment is very different from our own family at home, and I hate showing this other side of my parents to my kids.

geezz..mummy of 2 - when you speak of your mum, it really sounds as though you are talking about MY mum :? During one of the weekend visitation, (as usual), my mum was shouting at my dad (quarelling over a lunch issue, as far as I'm aware). My mum continue shouting at my dad, who unfortunately has some hearing problem, when my son suddently shouted at my mum \" Stop it! Stop it! Grandma!! Why are you shouting like that??\" My DS was just 5 years old that time

[mummy of 2]

Gosh sakura_2009,what you described could have happened at my mum’s place. DS1 (who was about 3) covered his ears to shut out the shouting. Yet they continued shouting at each other.

[autumnbronze]

lovekidsverymuch:

sakura_2009:

I think we all agreed that if we keep talking abt the 'negative' aspects, it wouldn't really help in improving the r/s, isn't it? :roll:

But before those positive thoughts come in u need to pour all the negativity out here so that wat u have is just positivity

Agree with LKVM.

Lets PURGE all this negativity here :sick: so that we can kind of start afresh and move on ... :grphug:

[mummy of 2]

It shows that we have a lot to vent. I guess venting about MIL is common, and sorta accepted but saying bad things about our own mother is totally different. So it's all bottled up