Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[hihimummy]

dear all, thank you for your kind words and advise.


We have talk to him about his temper, his family have talk to him. There was once when he perceive some bicyclist knock on his car on purpose and he shouted at the guy and wanted to confront the guy. His parents, Ds were all in the car then and they tried to pull him back.

I think the behaviour is both inherent and grew worst after he come out to work … we knew each since Uni and it was not to this extent though there is some signs of temper. At least not the vulgarities.

autommbronze, agree with you that "Sometimes such characteristics may not be so evident (under control) because he may be trying to maintain a Mr Nice Guy facade " Dh is super good at that. All his friends and my friends and even my family use to thought that he is very nice and helpful. My family only experienced his temper right after we move into our new house and my friends were surprised when I told them things that happened .

I don’t think I love him anymore… most of the time, I feel happier when he is not at home. But on one hand, DS have a good r/s with him and on another, I fear he might do something bad if I try to leave him. I tried to leave him before and he says things like he "may do something criminal" if I leave.

[toddles]

hihimummy


i feel very angry on your behalf after reading your posts. :x

how can he lock you out of the car?

how can he threaten you in front of your son?

at best, he has anger management issues. at worst, he’s a downright hypocrite.

is there a family member he respects who can talk some sense into him? Like his father or an uncle or someone??? They should know the truth and not just the facade he parades.

I am not a patient person and I would given him a taste of his own medicine at the first opportunity. Push him out of the car in the pouring rain for one! And if he turns physically abusive go to the cops.

There is no reason you should suffer in silence like that. :x :x

[auntieM]

I agree with toddles, you should not suffer in silence… …You should know by now there is no way you can predict when his ‘love and patience’ will run out for his son.

He need to seek help, and you need to be firm on this.
Just in case things really don’t turn out well may I suggest you keep some proof of his abusive behaviour, video or sound.


Juz me 2 cents

[Funz]

hihimummy, so sorry to hear that you are in such a predicament.


Unfortunate, unless your DH admits that he has a problem and seeks help, these incidents will just keep repeating themselves. If in your shoes, I will start taking steps to protect myself and my kids. For starters, when heading out, dun leave your belongings in the car, if you drive make sure you have a set of the car keys with you so that you can find an opportunty to drive off if he starts venting on you. Make sure your parents and close friends know your situation so that they are able to help you if need be.

Nobody can tell you whether to divorce or not, that is a decision you have to make yourself.

[tankee]

toddles:

.....I would given him a taste of his own medicine at the first opportunity. Push him out of the car in the pouring rain for one! And if he turns physically abusive go to the cops......

I won't do that to someone that has problem controlling his\\her anger. For all we know, we may not live to call the cops.

[toddles]

tankee:

toddles:

.....I would given him a taste of his own medicine at the first opportunity. Push him out of the car in the pouring rain for one! And if he turns physically abusive go to the cops......

I won't do that to someone that has problem controlling his\\her anger. For all we know, we may not live to call the cops.

tankee, you are very wise. self-preservation first!

[ezmum]

Funz:

hihimummy, so sorry to hear that you are in such a predicament.


Unfortunate, unless your DH admits that he has a problem and seeks help, these incidents will just keep repeating themselves. If in your shoes, I will start taking steps to protect myself and my kids. For starters, when heading out, dun leave your belongings in the car, if you drive make sure you have a set of the car keys with you so that you can find an opportunty to drive off if he starts venting on you. Make sure your parents and close friends know your situation so that they are able to help you if need be.

Nobody can tell you whether to divorce or not, that is a decision you have to make yourself.

it's very stressful to live like this & fend for yourself & your loved ones. You should seek help SOON. Try calling the Samaritans or similar agencies for advice!

[fussyMummy]

hihimummy:

.... and I gave in because of my son. and because he can be extremely nice most of the times.


...He has a good relationship with my son and I am sure most of the people who know us superficially think that he is a good husband and father.

Hi hihimummy,

I feel for you when I read your post..

Due to those, you gave in .. and yet similar incident, keep repeat...

hihimummy:

I don't think I love him anymore.. most of the time, I feel happier when he is not at home. But on one hand, DS have a good r/s with him and on another, I fear he might do something bad if I try to leave him. I tried to leave him before and he says things like he \"may do something criminal\" if I leave.

Just in case things really don't turn out well. Please dont alert him what are you planning to go... and NEVER NEVER bring your son and leave the house when he is around, when you plan to leave him for goodsake....


Try to consult those Helpline or Family Service Centre nearby you to find out more solution....

Take good care of yourself, stay clam... :celebrate:

[3Boys]

hihimummy:

yeah... really wish I can run far far away from him and never have to see him again...

Is it really beyond repair? Perhaps make a stand on big issues like the late homecoming, then make your way up towards him showing you respect by controlling his speech around you. Don't allow him to think he can bully you by threatening to do 'criminal' acts, and call him out on that. he is after all someone you have had a child with, its worth some effort to try an fix if it ain't completely broken. But you gotta stand your ground on respect and standards of behaviour, absolutely.

[Funz]

ezmum:

it's very stressful to live like this & fend for yourself & your loved ones. You should seek help SOON. Try calling the Samaritans or similar agencies for advice!

Well yes it is stressful. But as it is she is living on tenterhooks as anything can set him off. I gather that she is not ready to take the next step, be it to leave the relationship or give him an ultimatum to manage his anger so the next alternative is to be prepared in the event of ugly scenarios.