Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[auntieM]

I agree with toddles, you should not suffer in silence… …You should know by now there is no way you can predict when his ‘love and patience’ will run out for his son.

He need to seek help, and you need to be firm on this.
Just in case things really don’t turn out well may I suggest you keep some proof of his abusive behaviour, video or sound.


Juz me 2 cents

[Funz]

hihimummy, so sorry to hear that you are in such a predicament.


Unfortunate, unless your DH admits that he has a problem and seeks help, these incidents will just keep repeating themselves. If in your shoes, I will start taking steps to protect myself and my kids. For starters, when heading out, dun leave your belongings in the car, if you drive make sure you have a set of the car keys with you so that you can find an opportunty to drive off if he starts venting on you. Make sure your parents and close friends know your situation so that they are able to help you if need be.

Nobody can tell you whether to divorce or not, that is a decision you have to make yourself.

[tankee]

toddles:

.....I would given him a taste of his own medicine at the first opportunity. Push him out of the car in the pouring rain for one! And if he turns physically abusive go to the cops......

I won't do that to someone that has problem controlling his\\her anger. For all we know, we may not live to call the cops.

[toddles]

tankee:

toddles:

.....I would given him a taste of his own medicine at the first opportunity. Push him out of the car in the pouring rain for one! And if he turns physically abusive go to the cops......

I won't do that to someone that has problem controlling his\\her anger. For all we know, we may not live to call the cops.

tankee, you are very wise. self-preservation first!

[ezmum]

Funz:

hihimummy, so sorry to hear that you are in such a predicament.


Unfortunate, unless your DH admits that he has a problem and seeks help, these incidents will just keep repeating themselves. If in your shoes, I will start taking steps to protect myself and my kids. For starters, when heading out, dun leave your belongings in the car, if you drive make sure you have a set of the car keys with you so that you can find an opportunty to drive off if he starts venting on you. Make sure your parents and close friends know your situation so that they are able to help you if need be.

Nobody can tell you whether to divorce or not, that is a decision you have to make yourself.

it's very stressful to live like this & fend for yourself & your loved ones. You should seek help SOON. Try calling the Samaritans or similar agencies for advice!

[fussyMummy]

hihimummy:

.... and I gave in because of my son. and because he can be extremely nice most of the times.


...He has a good relationship with my son and I am sure most of the people who know us superficially think that he is a good husband and father.

Hi hihimummy,

I feel for you when I read your post..

Due to those, you gave in .. and yet similar incident, keep repeat...

hihimummy:

I don't think I love him anymore.. most of the time, I feel happier when he is not at home. But on one hand, DS have a good r/s with him and on another, I fear he might do something bad if I try to leave him. I tried to leave him before and he says things like he \"may do something criminal\" if I leave.

Just in case things really don't turn out well. Please dont alert him what are you planning to go... and NEVER NEVER bring your son and leave the house when he is around, when you plan to leave him for goodsake....


Try to consult those Helpline or Family Service Centre nearby you to find out more solution....

Take good care of yourself, stay clam... :celebrate:

[3Boys]

hihimummy:

yeah... really wish I can run far far away from him and never have to see him again...

Is it really beyond repair? Perhaps make a stand on big issues like the late homecoming, then make your way up towards him showing you respect by controlling his speech around you. Don't allow him to think he can bully you by threatening to do 'criminal' acts, and call him out on that. he is after all someone you have had a child with, its worth some effort to try an fix if it ain't completely broken. But you gotta stand your ground on respect and standards of behaviour, absolutely.

[Funz]

ezmum:

it's very stressful to live like this & fend for yourself & your loved ones. You should seek help SOON. Try calling the Samaritans or similar agencies for advice!

Well yes it is stressful. But as it is she is living on tenterhooks as anything can set him off. I gather that she is not ready to take the next step, be it to leave the relationship or give him an ultimatum to manage his anger so the next alternative is to be prepared in the event of ugly scenarios.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

hihimummy


So sorry to hear your predicament. Hmmm…I’m just wondering. With the divorce, will your dh comes back to haunt you back at ever opportunity? Or vent his anger to anyone that is close to you just to spike back at if he can’t get you? Does he after his outburst apologizes for his behaviour or he is adamant that he is still right?

Even with divorce, the stigma will impact your child. But then, without divorce, letting your child witness you being verbally abuse by your husband has a negative impact as well. Kid learns from their parents behaviour.

I know it is a difficult situation you are facing. Will it be possible when he is in a better mood, to have a long talk to him about how his mood impacts you and your relationship with him? How you can help to ease his anger when it hits. I’m sure your dh knows what are the things that will make him hit the roof. I hope by talking it out, the number of outburst will reduce.

[tankee]

EN:

..... With the divorce, will your dh comes back to haunt you back at ever opportunity? Or vent his anger to anyone that is close to you just to spike back at if he can't get you? Does he after his outburst apologizes for his behaviour or he is adamant that he is still right?

......

very good point !