Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce
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hihimummy
So sorry to hear your predicament. Hmmm…I’m just wondering. With the divorce, will your dh comes back to haunt you back at ever opportunity? Or vent his anger to anyone that is close to you just to spike back at if he can’t get you? Does he after his outburst apologizes for his behaviour or he is adamant that he is still right?
Even with divorce, the stigma will impact your child. But then, without divorce, letting your child witness you being verbally abuse by your husband has a negative impact as well. Kid learns from their parents behaviour.
I know it is a difficult situation you are facing. Will it be possible when he is in a better mood, to have a long talk to him about how his mood impacts you and your relationship with him? How you can help to ease his anger when it hits. I’m sure your dh knows what are the things that will make him hit the roof. I hope by talking it out, the number of outburst will reduce. -
EN:
..... With the divorce, will your dh comes back to haunt you back at ever opportunity? Or vent his anger to anyone that is close to you just to spike back at if he can't get you? Does he after his outburst apologizes for his behaviour or he is adamant that he is still right?
......
very good point ! -
hihimummy
It is not easy to have such an encounter, especially when it is from someone so close within a home.
Usually these will happen when a man:
- have other "better" woman that they would use to compare with
- encounter extreme stress from work, yet have to "behave", so when he need to outpour that stress, he do it to someone he have known for long…may not be the wife, even own parent, siblings…
- want to show that he is still in control…even after he did a whole of mistake (i.e. get caught red-handed)
What you can do:
A wife is always the best maker when it come to a "home", so do what you usually do for a house, take good care of it…and everything in it (i.e. your children)
If the man wants to stay at "your" home, he better behave, if he does not:
- Simply ignore him, he goes left, you goes right.
- As long as he do not step onto your boundary, make him "invisible"
- Act as though nothing have happen
- If he happen to speak to you…answer in a short and firm voice. no long speech…for a while
Sorry for the long message…actually have much more to say…but guess thats all for now -
dicoyote:
disagreehihimummy
If the man wants to stay at \"your\" home, he better behave, if he does not:
- Simply ignore him, he goes left, you goes right.
- As long as he do not step onto your boundary, make him \"invisible\"
- Act as though nothing have happen
- If he happen to speak to you...answer in a short and firm voice. no long speech...for a while
Sorry for the long message...actually have much more to say...but guess thats all for now -
3Boys:
:? the 'man' above is 'husband' or 'ex-husband'??
disagreedicoyote:
hihimummy
If the man wants to stay at \"your\" home, he better behave, if he does not:
- Simply ignore him, he goes left, you goes right.
- As long as he do not step onto your boundary, make him \"invisible\"
- Act as though nothing have happen
- If he happen to speak to you...answer in a short and firm voice. no long speech...for a while
Sorry for the long message...actually have much more to say...but guess thats all for now -
jedamum:
3Boys,3Boys:
disagree
:? the 'man' above is 'husband' or 'ex-husband'??
share your thought?
jedamum,
husband...cause there should be more thing that can be done then to simply give up and divorce, this is not for long term though...patience count, and of coz in the end is to work towards \"capturing\" the husband back
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dicoyote:
I find the tactic of 'deep freeze' as a behaviour modification tool to be immature and unproductive. If I do that to my wife, she couldn't care less and vice-versa. In my view, it is also pretty destructive to a relationship to turn on cold feelings to each other. Much better to be up front about issues and have them thrashed out in the open.3Boys,
share your thought?
Further, although I believe a woman is well within her rights to set certain rules of behaviour for her husband, and indeed, is probably obliged to do so in order to cultivate a healthy, mutually respectful relationship, the husband is not some immature child to 'beaten' into shape by 'denial of service' attacks.
In short, in a difficult situation, the key to resolution is communication, and non-communication is recipe for a downward spiral in a relationship.
Just my view. -
3Boys:
Well put 3Boys. Ditto.I find the tactic of 'deep freeze' as a behaviour modification tool to be immature and unproductive. If I do that to my wife, she couldn't care less and vice-versa. In my view, it is also pretty destructive to a relationship to turn on cold feelings to each other. Much better to be up front about issues and have them thrashed out in the open.
Further, although I believe a woman is well within her rights to set certain rules of behaviour for her husband, and indeed, is probably obliged to do so in order to cultivate a healthy, mutually respectful relationship, the husband is not some immature child to 'beaten' into shape by 'denial of service' attacks.
In short, in a difficult situation, the key to resolution is communication, and non-communication is recipe for a downward spiral in a relationship.
Just my view. -
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each Other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, He would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM And he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
The bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.
Totally agreed with you 3boys - the above didn't work -
Eagle-Ladybird:
:rotflmao: So childish hor?The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each Other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, He would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM And he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
The bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.
Totally agreed with you 3boys - the above didn't work
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