All About Autism

[Autumnleaf]

Slmkhoo, is your daughter able to manage her time now that’s she’s grown up? As in is she more aware of her sense of time? This is one of my biggest worries for my DS.

[sharonkhoo]

Autumnleaf:

Slmkhoo, is your daughter able to manage her time now that's she's grown up? As in is she more aware of her sense of time? This is one of my biggest worries for my DS.

Not that well, but better than when she was younger! It used to drive me crazy too, but we keep to a fairly set routine, and she has learned to do certain things in certain ways, in a certain order, etc. When things change or are new, she will sometimes need us to advise her again. When she was young, we broke a lot of basic things into discrete steps for her, and used timers to help her keep track of time. We also talk her through how to plan and assess how much time she needs for various things and it does gradually sink in. What particular aspect of time management is the main problem for your son at the moment?

And about her being \"grown up\", well, we've come to terms with the fact that she is much slower in maturing than \"normal\", so we don't expect her to cope like the average 18yo kid. She's more like a 14yo! Her younger sister (15yo) is usually taking the lead, and most people think she is the older one! We have told ourselves that we have to give her time, and maybe she will be like a 21yo when she's 28yo.

[Gifts from Heaven]

Autumnleaf:

Gifts from Heaven, thanks! They have child guidance clinic there too?

I will make some calls this week. Have you been there before?

I am a bit weary of those small phycologists as I found some tend to be more on trying to sell their education enrichment services for the child which then makes me wonder whether they are dodgy or not. So I do prefer at the hospital, just to get an appointment quickly, hence we are willing to pay.

Yes, Thomson Paediatric Centre - Child Development Centre is recommended by my DS's PD. They are at Novena Medical Centre, not at TMC. Google them, must type in the whole string of words, else you will get the TMC one which has no such service.
Yes, we have been there and did our assessment there. Have not been there since the psychologist who seen my DS migrated early last yr though, so not sure how things are now. According to that psychologist, their peak period is usually after exams when results are out cos parents get a shock if their kids did badly and start to seek answers. So, you shld be able to get an appointment rather quickly now since it's just beginning of the year.
They do see kids who are older cos I've seen those kids there when we visited. Just go and get an appointment for consultation first and hear out what the experts suspect of your boy's condition. Don't need to hurry to do assessment on the 1st visit. It may just be parenting style. Sometimes, we suspect this, suspect that cos we have difficulty handling the kid and we have no outlet...no one to talk to abt our problems...and we are at wits' end. We, the parents (or rather the mum), are the ones who need the counselling service. I feel it sometimes on my numerous visits there.
Just know that whatever is the result of the consultation/assessment, you will still need to handle your child regardless and there may or may not be any solution (like a therapy class) for your boy. It is a sad fact that there are fewer such classes as the kids grow older. Best they can suggest for older kids are maybe counselling or some social skills classes targetted at older kids, if it is asd related.
Btw, if you have not read this, maybe you want to read up on TOM (theory of mind). Sometimes, our 'special' kids get into trouble cos of their perspective of things happening around them. Cos their minds are wired differently, they don't see the happenings the same way we see them and do the unexpected (from our perspective).
Sorry for the long rambling. Hope you can get some answers you've been seeking for your questions soon.

[Nebbermind]

tyeogh:

Got a question. Parents of ASD children should be more stressed than normal parents. Do you take time outs to go on a date with your spouse? How often and for how long? Can share?

I think parents with four kids are definitely more stressed...even without ASD kid!

[sharonkhoo]

Gifts from Heaven:

Btw, if you have not read this, maybe you want to read up on TOM (theory of mind). Sometimes, our 'special' kids get into trouble cos of their perspective of things happening around them. Cos their minds are wired differently, they don't see the happenings the same way we see them and do the unexpected (from our perspective).

This is very true. Over the years, I've observed my daughter and can see how differently she understands (or doesn't) the world. I see a lot of my role as being an interpreter of the world for her, and helping her understand other people. In \"The Imitation Game\", Turing said at one point that society is speaking in \"code\" which has to be \"deciphered\". Whether he actually ever said that, I don't know, but that is pretty much what I have had to help my ASD daughter do over the years. The good thing is that after several experiences, it goes into her memory bank for future reference. Reading also helps - I try to get her to read fiction that describes more \"real life\" situations (her preference is fantasy, which doesn't always reflect real life too well), and that also helps.

[lee_yl]

Hi Autumnleaf,


Actually i am going to bring my dd2 to Thomson Paediatric Centre - Child Development Centre later this afternoon for an ADD assessment (no queue). The rest of the private centers i called are only available after CNY. The 1st visits costs $160-$180, the psychologist will assess the child for 1hr+, either discharge on the spot or come back for further assessments (package $1500-$1800, incl 3X2hrs of assessments and incl of today’s 1st visit). You may want to check with Ovspring, this center is quite popular too but expected to queue.

Alternatively,

You can try Health Promotion Board- Child Guidance Clinic, beside SGH but you have to go through Polyclinic to get a referral letter to enjoy subsidies. (1st appt with GP $35, $300+ for every assessment) but 1st appt with a Psychologist expected to queue at least 2 months, follow by assessment test another 3-4mths wait. Depends how many assessments needed, by the time you receive your report, results will be known at least half a year later from now.

[sharonkhoo]

tyeogh:

Got a question. Parents of ASD children should be more stressed than normal parents. Do you take time outs to go on a date with your spouse? How often and for how long? Can share?

While we were overseas, my husband often worked from home, so we had time to spend together during the day, during breaks, over lunch etc. when the kids were napping or at school. I am a SAHM. Being away from home and without home help or family support, we hardly ever had time away from the kids when they were young, but we put them to bed early and had some time in the evenings too. We just got used to \"dating\" at home. The main thing about dating at home is that both must make a point not to be distracted by work, housework, gadgets, TV etc and actually do something together and communicate. Even when we watch TV or DVDs, we will discuss what we see. Very occasionally, like once or twice a year, we would make the effort to have someone watch the kids for us so we could go out together without them. We started leaving them alone at home when my younger girl was about 11yo.

Since you have older NT kids, you can start leaving them at home once the oldest one is responsible enough to keep an eye on the youngest. In many western countries, kids can be left at home alone around 12yo, and can watch younger kids when they are about 14yo. For me, my older one is Asperger's, so we felt that although she was OK to be left alone at home at 12yo, we couldn't ask her to watch the younger one. My younger one, on the other hand, has always quite advanced and responsible for her age. I rely on her common sense more than on her older sister's!

[tyeogh]

Nebbermind:

I think parents with four kids are definitely more stressed...even without ASD kid!

True. LoL. This is why I make it a point to date my wife every Friday night. We go out to paint the town red! No lah. Movies, drinks, that sort of thing.

I came from a broken family. So I thought the best gift to my children will be an un-divorced set of parents. The rest are ancillaries. Just checking market situation.

[tyeogh]

slmkhoo:

tyeogh:

Got a question. Parents of ASD children should be more stressed than normal parents. Do you take time outs to go on a date with your spouse? How often and for how long? Can share?

While we were overseas, my husband often worked from home, so we had time to spend together during the day, during breaks, over lunch etc. when the kids were napping or at school. I am a SAHM. Being away from home and without home help or family support, we hardly ever had time away from the kids when they were young, but we put them to bed early and had some time in the evenings too. We just got used to \"dating\" at home. The main thing about dating at home is that both must make a point not to be distracted by work, housework, gadgets, TV etc and actually do something together and communicate. Even when we watch TV or DVDs, we will discuss what we see. Very occasionally, like once or twice a year, we would make the effort to have someone watch the kids for us so we could go out together without them. We started leaving them alone at home when my younger girl was about 11yo.

Since you have older NT kids, you can start leaving them at home once the oldest one is responsible enough to keep an eye on the youngest. In many western countries, kids can be left at home alone around 12yo, and can watch younger kids when they are about 14yo. For me, my older one is Asperger's, so we felt that although she was OK to be left alone at home at 12yo, we couldn't ask her to watch the younger one. My younger one, on the other hand, has always quite advanced and responsible for her age. I rely on her common sense more than on her older sister's!

Oracle,
Thanks for sharing! Guess its harder to date when one is a SAHM. Good to know it doesn't stop you from dating at home minus housework and gadgets. My SIL has 4 kids too and is a SAHM. When they were posted overseas, she hardly left home. When my family visited and I offered to nanny her brood so that she could go out with her hubby on his birthday, the date didn't materialize. Its so sad that couples lose themselves when the kids come along. Its become more like a partnership than a romance.

Neo

[sharonkhoo]

tyeogh:

slmkhoo:

[quote=\"tyeogh\"]Got a question. Parents of ASD children should be more stressed than normal parents. Do you take time outs to go on a date with your spouse? How often and for how long? Can share?

While we were overseas, my husband often worked from home, so we had time to spend together during the day, during breaks, over lunch etc. when the kids were napping or at school. I am a SAHM. Being away from home and without home help or family support, we hardly ever had time away from the kids when they were young, but we put them to bed early and had some time in the evenings too. We just got used to \"dating\" at home. The main thing about dating at home is that both must make a point not to be distracted by work, housework, gadgets, TV etc and actually do something together and communicate. Even when we watch TV or DVDs, we will discuss what we see. Very occasionally, like once or twice a year, we would make the effort to have someone watch the kids for us so we could go out together without them. We started leaving them alone at home when my younger girl was about 11yo.

Since you have older NT kids, you can start leaving them at home once the oldest one is responsible enough to keep an eye on the youngest. In many western countries, kids can be left at home alone around 12yo, and can watch younger kids when they are about 14yo. For me, my older one is Asperger's, so we felt that although she was OK to be left alone at home at 12yo, we couldn't ask her to watch the younger one. My younger one, on the other hand, has always quite advanced and responsible for her age. I rely on her common sense more than on her older sister's!

Oracle,
Thanks for sharing! Guess its harder to date when one is a SAHM. Good to know it doesn't stop you from dating at home minus housework and gadgets. My SIL has 4 kids too and is a SAHM. When they were posted overseas, she hardly left home. When my family visited and I offered to nanny her brood so that she could go out with her hubby on his birthday, the date didn't materialize. Its so sad that couples lose themselves when the kids come along. Its become more like a partnership than a romance.

Neo[/quote]Agree with that. But dating at home isn't really that grim! Just putting the kids to bed early helps a lot. It depends on what you are used to, I suppose. I'm pretty much a home-body and didn't \"paint the town red\" very much even in my single and pre-kids days. I don't think we've lost ourselves in our kids, and we intentionally left the kids to their own devices quite a lot even when they were young and we were at home. They are quite accustomed to us talking to each other over their heads!