Angry with son's form teacher

[autumnbronze]

KoalaMummy:

mmm... after one night of cooling down...i was just thinking if i should write an email to the teacher and tell her how i felt, and arrange to meet her and the P (before she arrange, i initiate first). what do you all think?

I feel that you could just write a simple email to arrange for a meeting and then when you see her, just discuss abt your DS's issue first and when that is sorted out with, then you can talk abt her attitude towards you over the phone, as well as the fact that you too have to deal with a child who is a smart aleck, which can be challenging. This will achieve 4 things:

1. You would both be working together to sort DS's issue which is the first priority.

2. There won't be any awkwardness bet you and the teacher during the discussion and also you can better assess her character during the conversation. For all you know, she might even acknowledege her tone towards you and apologise.

3. The teacher would be able to have a further insight abt your DS's personality, unless she already has.

4. It would be a win win situation cuz the teacher would have achieved her objective and so would you. In fact, yours is a double win cuz hopefully you would have come up with some solutions with regards to your DS's work and tell her how you feel amicably.

Again, just my 2 cents

[KoalaMummy]

Point noted, Autumnbronze. will think about it and see what to do next.

[autumnbronze]

KoalaMummy:

Point noted, Autumnbronze. will think about it and see what to do next.

No worries

As I have mentioned before, you will be the best person ultimately, to decide how to resolve this situation.

BTW, nice avatar

[Blobbi]

autumnbronze:

I feel that you could just write a simple email to arrange for a meeting and then when you see her, just discuss abt your DS's issue first and when that is sorted out with, then you can talk abt her attitude towards you over the phone, as well as the fact that you too have to deal with a child who is a smart aleck, which can be challenging. This will achieve 4 things:

1. You would both be working together to sort DS's issue which is the first priority.

2. There won't be any awkwardness bet you and the teacher during the discussion and also you can better assess her character during the conversation. For all you know, she might even acknowledege her tone towards you and apologise.

3. The teacher would be able to have a further insight abt your DS's personality, unless she already has.

4. It would be a win win situation cuz the teacher would have achieved her objective and so would you. In fact, yours is a double win cuz hopefully you would have come up with some solutions with regards to your DS's work and tell her how you feel amicably.

Again, just my 2 cents

Tks for this, Autumnbronze. I just had a recent experience and I think that I was justified in being angry, like Koalamummy. But I jumped the gun and cc'd the principal.

In short, the teacher responded in a very positive manner, changed her behaviour (it was undeniable - she was in the wrong), and I wrote her a thank you note. But it just didn't feel right to cc the principal on the improvement, which is why this sort of communication cannot be symmetrical. Looking back, perhaps I should have spoken to her first rather than (in our case) do nothing for 2 mths until I burst. Everything would have been resolved in a more even manner.

I learn everyday. :oops:

[vlim]

lately I am also very unhappy about one of my ds teacher accusation of my son .... now I xin li bu pin heng..... yu ku nan yen...

[KoalaMummy]

Hi Blobbi & autumnbronze,


i was thinking of cc’d the principal with the email too.

Blobbi, u mentioned :…which is why this sort of communication cannot be symmetrical. Looking back, perhaps I should have spoken to her first rather than (in our case) do nothing for 2 mths until I burst. Everything would have been resolved in a more even manner.

What do you mean by this?? can share your experience so that we also can learn from you??

[KoalaMummy]

actually, now to think about it, this is the 2nd time the teacher called me. and both times, her attitude was very bad. i think i ever post that first time she called me when she mentioned that my son is "not ready for primary school" and i was also very mad at her. so we met up, but blur me, didn’t confront her that time. so i thought this time i would email her so that at least my thoughts are in ‘the proper order’ cos, sometime i panicked or forgot what i want to see when it’s face to face.

[LOLMum]

KoalaMummy:

that first time she called me when she mentioned that my son is \"not ready for primary school\"

:? is she implying that your son's p1, p2 and p3 teachers were all doing a lousy job and suka suka promoted him to the next level?

tell her you would speak to all those teachers who have taught him.

i can understand if she said the child might not be suitable for this particular class but to say \"not ready for primary school\" is downright mean and rude. :x

[Blobbi]

KoalaMummy:

Hi Blobbi & autumnbronze,


i was thinking of cc'd the principal with the email too.

Blobbi, u mentioned :....which is why this sort of communication cannot be symmetrical. Looking back, perhaps I should have spoken to her first rather than (in our case) do nothing for 2 mths until I burst. Everything would have been resolved in a more even manner.

What do you mean by this?? can share your experience so that we also can learn from you??

Hi Koalamummy,

This is what happened. My son loves to ask questions. Apparently the first day of school, he asked some questions that maloo'd her. After that day, he persisted in asking questions - he's clueless like that, but aiya, only P1. Her response was to throw his book on the floor down for him to pick up when she returned the assignments, complaining furiously that he'd forgotten this or that segment, or that he did some wrongly. This happened very often. I found out later that she didn't throw it down the floor for other kids when they got it wrong, so it was obviously \"revenge\". I knew about this for 2 months, but I wasn't sure what to do because teachers during our time were fierce too. I'm also new to school as a parent. I kept telling him - maybe try not to get work wrong? Just don't ask so many questions in her class?

Then there was this poetry recital where, to cut the long story short, she penalized anyone who volunteered and got it wrong. My son ah, insisted on trying repeatedly. :roll: He was the only volunteer after awhile! The final straw was, he stumbled, she took away grp points and made him apologize to his classmates to humiliate him. That's when I :x cos, how can anyone discourage kids from trying?

Anyway, the upshot was, she changed her methods and started organizing one or two activities that encouraged trying. I was really very happy that she was so responsive. And she stopped throwing his books on the floor.

By symmetrical, I meant that I cc'd the principal on the complaint, but I didn't cc him on the thank you note so he gets to hear one side of the unfolding story, because that has usually reached serious levels.

In contrast, one of my son's classmate's mummy is super - she emails the teacher on anything she doesn't understand. The teacher explains and all is well. Everything is nipped in the bud. The teacher is aware that the mother is on the ball and, because there is an ongoing conversation, the teacher is less likely to take things out on the son. I still don't email often. But next time I hear about something that sounds off, I'll email to ask politely, \"why\". I won't let my anger build up.

Koalamummy, I know you're angry, and now it seems this is not her only time too! But you may want to meet her and make sure you bring up these incidents because no parent appreciates being scolded. She may give you some crap reason (mine did), but once she knows you're on to her, she may change her attitude anyway. If you're still unhappy with her response, then it's definitely not too late to press all the buttons and alert the principal. The principal can see that you've tried to give her a chance, so this will lend even more support to your case if it comes to that.

Good luck!!!

[autumnbronze]

Hi koalamummy,


I just re-read your first post. Here’s another perspective … and I am assuming here.

Some schs have this practice - every end/beginning of term, teachers would review pupils’ work progress previously, with their mgt, and discuss whose parents need to be informed (because child is not maximizing his/her potential), apart from the usual progress card procedure etc …

Okie, if the FT indicated to you to talk to the P if your DS’s work doesn’t improve, then it may be highly probable that both the HOD and the P are in the loop abt this.

Do you know what she meant by saying that "your son is not ready for pri sch?" Its a pretty strong statement to make for a child at Pri 4. I really think that you need to find out what is it that the teacher wants out of your DS, and assess whether you agree with her, and perhaps work together to achieve that or arrive at some form of compromise.

Now, its already established that the FT was wrong to have used such a tone with you. But you did mention that the FT is the concern type, that is why I am suggesting that you try one last time (since in your latest post you mentioned that this is not the first time the teacher has shown ‘bad attitude’) b4 going to the P. And I refer to Blobbi’s rationale to this in the last para of her post.