My son says i dont love him

[KoalaMummy]

last night, my 10yo ds says i don't love him. says i love his 2 younger siblings but not him. i'm so sad. how can i show him i love him, he being my first-born son. :heartbroken:

[mummy of 2]

You must be so sad when he said that. Did you ask him why he said that?

[KoalaMummy]

mummy of 2:

You must be so sad when he said that. Did you ask him why he said that?

yes, i was very very . cried myself to sleep. he says i love his other 2 younger siblings more. Cos he's the eldest, i have more expectation of him and tends to 'sayang' the youngest one better. cos he's just so \"cute\" - my 5 yo son. i know i kind of 'neglect' him, so now i want to 'make-up\". hope it's not too late.

[KoalaMummy]

lovekidsverymuch:

Yes Even i am the eldest sibling and I too felt sometimes when I was young that mom-dad dont love me it was cause the younger ones are pampered as they younger then the elder one feel lonely

cos' i'm the youngest, always get pampered by parents and sibling and just don't understand how eldest felt..

[mathsparks]

hi koalamummy, never too late to make up…how abt picking him up from school and having lunch with him…just the 2 of you, listen to him and reassure him that you love all 3 kids the same…just that the younger ones need more encouragement from mummy.


I try as much as possible to have 1-1 weekly lunch dates with my kids if possible. With the older girl, its quite difficult now with her busy schedule.

If it’s any comfort, I think it’s fairly common for kids to say that at 1 point or another in their life. Both of mine definitely had said so before; but it does keep us on our toes…to be mindful of their feelings.

[jedamum]

whenever he is moody (or when i scolded ds1 for fault that was clearly his :roll: ), ds1 likes to use emotional blackmail and used to say i love ds2 more than him - i told him that i don't want to hear him saying it cos it is totally untrue. if i do not love him, i will not bother about him, will not nag at him and let him learn all the bad habits and eat all the junk food etc without regards for his future or health. giving him privileges that his bro does not get (eg going out on late night ice cream treats with his dad and mum) and getting him first priority to choose dining places etc do make a difference as i can use these examples to highlight that different siblings get different treatment at different times.


sometimes he can even turn moody and said i love his dad more than him... :roll:

[mummy of 2]

KoalaMummy:

mummy of 2:

You must be so sad when he said that. Did you ask him why he said that?

yes, i was very very . cried myself to sleep. he says i love his other 2 younger siblings more. Cos he's the eldest, i have more expectation of him and tends to 'sayang' the youngest one better. cos he's just so \"cute\" - my 5 yo son. i know i kind of 'neglect' him, so now i want to 'make-up\". hope it's not too late.

I sure hope DS1 won't say this to me. I also tend to have higher expectations of him. Having said that, I do tend to bring him out more than DD2, cos it's easier to bring him out. Think have to let them know that we love them in different ways. Sometimes he will ask if I bought any clothes for him when I come back with lots of clothes for DD2 (can't help it - girls' clothes are just so much nicer). Will explain to him that i did not buy for him as could not find any nice clothes for him.

[KoalaMummy]

lovekidsverymuch:

U need tackle properly else this sadness will become jealousy later on..

i know, so i'm working on it...

[tankee]

perhaps have some 1-to-1 bonding time?

[KoalaMummy]

mathsparks:

hi koalamummy, never too late to make up..how abt picking him up from school and having lunch with him..just the 2 of you, listen to him and reassure him that you love all 3 kids the same...just that the younger ones need more encouragement from mummy.

ya, this can be done. will try. :thankyou: for the suggestions. :hugs:

mathsparks:

If it's any comfort, I think it's fairly common for kids to say that at 1 point or another in their life. Both of mine definitely had said so before; but it does keep us on our toes..to be mindful of their feelings.

REally, oh, that's such a comfort to know that i'm not alone in this. :thankyou: