All About Autism
-
Hi Mashy,
You son progressed so well in main stream，any suggestions for us who will go to P1 next year ? Thanks in advance! -
scang:
Appreciate the different view. Wrong person to tell to though. LoL. For something as important as parenting, I do not go by logic or opinions. I go by the word of God. The Creator's instruction manual.
Just a different view, or another view.
All kids are different, esp. the defiant ones, who tends to end up being rebellious if use the hard/tough approach, esp. in the long term.
Usually, the soft and reasoning approach will help to manage their behaviour, and reduce their defiance in the teenage years.
It is all the more tougher for special needs children, who has even more challenges, and although they may be compliant when they are young, smaller size, and not able to \"fight back\", or even forced to behave or \"give in\" due to fear of the punishment, when they have to with the hard/tough approach.
In the long term, the inner pent up resentment, defiant behaviour and negative thoughts etc may give rise to the rebellious behaviour and problems esp. in the teenage years, and even adult life. It may lead to a much tougher, negative and defiance person.
Lots of patience and the soft, reasoning but firm approach may be a better choice in the long term for the development of the child.
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
It is quite explicit. A father who does not cane is viewed as one who hates his son.
I don't agree with the \"pent up resentment, defiant behavior and negative thoughts\" in the long term. That's human logic. Not in my instruction manual.
In my instruction manual, it says when a child is trained in the way he should go, he will not depart from it when he gets older.
In this case, it so happens that a culture with 5,000 years history agrees too. Here is the 3 Word Classic.
养不教,
父之过,
教不严,
师之惰。
子不学,
非所宜,
幼不学,
老何为。
玉不琢,
不成器,
人不学,
不知义。
Basically, it means it is the father's responsibility to be strict in teaching a child. Else the child will not learn righteousness when he is older (Chinese version of a good upbringing).
Both bible and Chinese wisdom agree a disciplined child will not deviate when older. Both are time tested. There must be some truth.
I have 2 elder NT daughters. Both were caned. Both are prefects now. One won a MOE Edusave Character Award, given to the top 2% in each cohort. She is the only one in her school at her level to get it. I remembered she had to be interviewed by her Principal, VP and a panel in the final round. They assessed her character and upbringing, and found it tops.
My other NT boy is also turning out to be a fine gentleman.
You may have wrongly pictured a naggy mother chasing after her child caning him unreasonably, or a parent being always angry at the child. I show my kids a lot of affection, play with them often and hug them to sleep every night. But when it comes to discipline, my cane is non-negotiable. They know it.
So nope. It's still the cane for me. Proven, tested, working. Others here may appreciate your view. Thanks for sharing. -
I think if after the doctor's assessment that our kids can go mainstream, we should just go. Even if they say no, they can't, there have been so many cases that they are wrong. Eg Jacob Barnett.
For me, I didn't treat him any differently. He is to me, my son. ASD is just a part of him.
In P1, I watched over him more closely since there are so much more adjustments to be done. After the first 2 weeks, I met up with the AED and form teacher. We discussed about his condition, how they could help, his pet peeves and everything the occupational therapist had advised on. Eg for him to sit near the teacher, tap him if he starts dreaming etc. I'm also in close contact with the teachers to address any issues.
I PVed in school for the first 2 years so that I could get to know his classmates and his classmates' parents who are PVs. Having a network of parents allows me to know what's happening in class from more vocal kids and even something as simple as what to bring for art class.
For recess, I packed for him. Coz he's so slow eating and doesn't talk much. Packing his recess food helps skip this extra hurdle he needs to overcome. When he became more confident in p2, I let him have 1 day a week to buy food from the canteen. In p3, it became 2 days and now in p4, we give him a weekly allowance and he buys food in school for recess and a lunch before CCA.
He requested to join CCA in p3 but it wasn't such a good experience, so in p4, I asked him to change his CCA. He did and he's very happy in his new CCA.
In p1, he faced a bully in class and was hurt a few times. After many consultations, the school changed the bully's class in p2. His other classmates were very protective of him, so I'm very thankful for that. During birthdays and sports day etc, remember to 'bribe' them. Hehehe.
Acad wise, we had few probs with maths and science. It's mainly compo and compre. He handed in only 3 sentences for his first compo exam.
it's coz he couldn't decide how to name his characters. So we had to work on that. Compre wise also practice and practice. Glad that he is now able to finish writing a whole compo and can pass his comprehension. His ST also helped him for his compo and compre.
I think it's so important to have good teachers. I'm very glad and thankful that my son had met the best teachers for the last few years. It's important to build a good rapport with them. Be nice to them.
He is now exempted from Chinese and it helped raise his overall results. So if yours isn't proficient in it, just drop it. A lot less stressful that way. He still attends Chinese class but happily now.
He is still one messy boy with messy handwriting. But all in all, he has improved tremendously. Academically and socially. He has friends now!
He also has a goal now and we helped him along. He can lose focus frequently and we will then bring him back. Otherwise, he is just like any other boy. His teacher is also happy and congratulated me that he has overcome a lot. He talks a lot more and shares with me some things he learned in school.
Most importantly, he has to want that for himself. Without the inner motivation to overcome his weaknesses, there's only so much we can do. I've been frustrated frequently when he didn't seem to care. But once he is back on track and he gets the acknowledgement when he does well, he gets more motivated.
I'm sure your children can do so too, if not better. A lot of things are trial and error just like other kids. What works for one may not work for others. So just keep on trying until you get the right formula. With the love you have for your children, I'm sure they will be perform even better than what the doctors predicted. -
tyeogh:
Same. Agree with you. I cane too. I'm afraid it is unavoidable. Discipline and boundaries are important.
Appreciate the different view. Wrong person to tell to though. LoL. For something as important as parenting, I do not go by logic or opinions. I go by the word of God. The Creator's instruction manual.scang:
Just a different view, or another view.
All kids are different, esp. the defiant ones, who tends to end up being rebellious if use the hard/tough approach, esp. in the long term.
Usually, the soft and reasoning approach will help to manage their behaviour, and reduce their defiance in the teenage years.
It is all the more tougher for special needs children, who has even more challenges, and although they may be compliant when they are young, smaller size, and not able to \"fight back\", or even forced to behave or \"give in\" due to fear of the punishment, when they have to with the hard/tough approach.
In the long term, the inner pent up resentment, defiant behaviour and negative thoughts etc may give rise to the rebellious behaviour and problems esp. in the teenage years, and even adult life. It may lead to a much tougher, negative and defiance person.
Lots of patience and the soft, reasoning but firm approach may be a better choice in the long term for the development of the child.
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
It is quite explicit. A father who does not cane is viewed as one who hates his son.
I don't agree with the \"pent up resentment, defiant behavior and negative thoughts\" in the long term. That's human logic. Not in my instruction manual.
In my instruction manual, it says when a child is trained in the way he should go, he will not depart from it when he gets older.
In this case, it so happens that a culture with 5,000 years history agrees too. Here is the 3 Word Classic.
养不教,
父之过,
教不严,
师之惰。
子不学,
非所宜,
幼不学,
老何为。
玉不琢,
不成器,
人不学,
不知义。
Basically, it means it is the father's responsibility to be strict in teaching a child. Else the child will not learn righteousness when he is older (Chinese version of a good upbringing).
Both bible and Chinese wisdom agree a disciplined child will not deviate when older. Both are time tested. There must be some truth.
I have 2 elder NT daughters. Both were caned. Both are prefects now. One won a MOE Edusave Character Award, given to the top 2% in each cohort. She is the only one in her school at her level to get it. I remembered she had to be interviewed by her Principal, VP and a panel in the final round. They assessed her character and upbringing, and found it tops.
My other NT boy is also turning out to be a fine gentleman.
You may have wrongly pictured a naggy mother chasing after her child caning him unreasonably, or a parent being always angry at the child. I show my kids a lot of affection, play with them often and hug them to sleep every night. But when it comes to discipline, my cane is non-negotiable. They know it.
So nope. It's still the cane for me. Proven, tested, working. Others here may appreciate your view. Thanks for sharing. -
mashy:
:goodpost: Excellent sharing and approach to parenting a ASD child!!I think if after the doctor's assessment that our kids can go mainstream, we should just go. Even if they say no, they can't, there have been so many cases that they are wrong. Eg Jacob Barnett.
For me, I didn't treat him any differently. He is to me, my son. ASD is just a part of him.
In P1, I watched over him more closely since there are so much more adjustments to be done. After the first 2 weeks, I met up with the AED and form teacher. We discussed about his condition, how they could help, his pet peeves and everything the occupational therapist had advised on. Eg for him to sit near the teacher, tap him if he starts dreaming etc. I'm also in close contact with the teachers to address any issues.
I PVed in school for the first 2 years so that I could get to know his classmates and his classmates' parents who are PVs. Having a network of parents allows me to know what's happening in class from more vocal kids and even something as simple as what to bring for art class.
For recess, I packed for him. Coz he's so slow eating and doesn't talk much. Packing his recess food helps skip this extra hurdle he needs to overcome. When he became more confident in p2, I let him have 1 day a week to buy food from the canteen. In p3, it became 2 days and now in p4, we give him a weekly allowance and he buys food in school for recess and a lunch before CCA.
He requested to join CCA in p3 but it wasn't such a good experience, so in p4, I asked him to change his CCA. He did and he's very happy in his new CCA.
In p1, he faced a bully in class and was hurt a few times. After many consultations, the school changed the bully's class in p2. His other classmates were very protective of him, so I'm very thankful for that. During birthdays and sports day etc, remember to 'bribe' them. Hehehe.
Acad wise, we had few probs with maths and science. It's mainly compo and compre. He handed in only 3 sentences for his first compo exam. it's coz he couldn't decide how to name his characters. So we had to work on that. Compre wise also practice and practice. Glad that he is now able to finish writing a whole compo and can pass his comprehension. His ST also helped him for his compo and compre.
I think it's so important to have good teachers. I'm very glad and thankful that my son had met the best teachers for the last few years. It's important to build a good rapport with them. Be nice to them.
He is now exempted from Chinese and it helped raise his overall results. So if yours isn't proficient in it, just drop it. A lot less stressful that way. He still attends Chinese class but happily now.
He is still one messy boy with messy handwriting. But all in all, he has improved tremendously. Academically and socially. He has friends now! He also has a goal now and we helped him along. He can lose focus frequently and we will then bring him back. Otherwise, he is just like any other boy. His teacher is also happy and congratulated me that he has overcome a lot. He talks a lot more and shares with me some things he learned in school.
Most importantly, he has to want that for himself. Without the inner motivation to overcome his weaknesses, there's only so much we can do. I've been frustrated frequently when he didn't seem to care. But once he is back on track and he gets the acknowledgement when he does well, he gets more motivated.
I'm sure your children can do so too, if not better. A lot of things are trial and error just like other kids. What works for one may not work for others. So just keep on trying until you get the right formula. With the love you have for your children, I'm sure they will be perform even better than what the doctors predicted.
This is a fantastic example of what one can look forward to in mainstream. A role model parent. :udawoman:
Feel like kicking that bully though.... -
tyeogh:
Haha, me too. And his parents too. His parents thought that it's no big deal that his son hit mine. Said it's what boys do.
:goodpost: Excellent sharing and approach to parenting a ASD child!!mashy:
I think if after the doctor's assessment that our kids can go mainstream, we should just go. Even if they say no, they can't, there have been so many cases that they are wrong. Eg Jacob Barnett.
For me, I didn't treat him any differently. He is to me, my son. ASD is just a part of him.
In P1, I watched over him more closely since there are so much more adjustments to be done. After the first 2 weeks, I met up with the AED and form teacher. We discussed about his condition, how they could help, his pet peeves and everything the occupational therapist had advised on. Eg for him to sit near the teacher, tap him if he starts dreaming etc. I'm also in close contact with the teachers to address any issues.
I PVed in school for the first 2 years so that I could get to know his classmates and his classmates' parents who are PVs. Having a network of parents allows me to know what's happening in class from more vocal kids and even something as simple as what to bring for art class.
For recess, I packed for him. Coz he's so slow eating and doesn't talk much. Packing his recess food helps skip this extra hurdle he needs to overcome. When he became more confident in p2, I let him have 1 day a week to buy food from the canteen. In p3, it became 2 days and now in p4, we give him a weekly allowance and he buys food in school for recess and a lunch before CCA.
He requested to join CCA in p3 but it wasn't such a good experience, so in p4, I asked him to change his CCA. He did and he's very happy in his new CCA.
In p1, he faced a bully in class and was hurt a few times. After many consultations, the school changed the bully's class in p2. His other classmates were very protective of him, so I'm very thankful for that. During birthdays and sports day etc, remember to 'bribe' them. Hehehe.
Acad wise, we had few probs with maths and science. It's mainly compo and compre. He handed in only 3 sentences for his first compo exam. it's coz he couldn't decide how to name his characters. So we had to work on that. Compre wise also practice and practice. Glad that he is now able to finish writing a whole compo and can pass his comprehension. His ST also helped him for his compo and compre.
I think it's so important to have good teachers. I'm very glad and thankful that my son had met the best teachers for the last few years. It's important to build a good rapport with them. Be nice to them.
He is now exempted from Chinese and it helped raise his overall results. So if yours isn't proficient in it, just drop it. A lot less stressful that way. He still attends Chinese class but happily now.
He is still one messy boy with messy handwriting. But all in all, he has improved tremendously. Academically and socially. He has friends now! He also has a goal now and we helped him along. He can lose focus frequently and we will then bring him back. Otherwise, he is just like any other boy. His teacher is also happy and congratulated me that he has overcome a lot. He talks a lot more and shares with me some things he learned in school.
Most importantly, he has to want that for himself. Without the inner motivation to overcome his weaknesses, there's only so much we can do. I've been frustrated frequently when he didn't seem to care. But once he is back on track and he gets the acknowledgement when he does well, he gets more motivated.
I'm sure your children can do so too, if not better. A lot of things are trial and error just like other kids. What works for one may not work for others. So just keep on trying until you get the right formula. With the love you have for your children, I'm sure they will be perform even better than what the doctors predicted.
This is a fantastic example of what one can look forward to in mainstream. A role model parent. :udawoman:
Feel like kicking that bully though.... -
mashy:
Seriously?! Got such parents?! Then let me spend 1 minute with their son. I am a boy too. Just 1 minute will do. :mad:
Haha, me too. And his parents too. His parents thought that it's no big deal that his son hit mine. Said it's what boys do. -
tyeogh:
Mashy
Seriously?! Got such parents?! Then let me spend 1 minute with their son. I am a boy too. Just 1 minute will do. :mad:mashy:
Haha, me too. And his parents too. His parents thought that it's no big deal that his son hit mine. Said it's what boys do.
Thanks for the sharing , very useful and true about bribing! My fren also thought me that. I have been doing it since my son is in Kindy.
Yah, the bully and the parents need to be taught a lesson!. If the son is ignorant, I can understand cos still a kid, but the parents? tsk tsk tsk!! -
mashy:
Same. Agree with you. I cane too. I'm afraid it is unavoidable. Discipline and boundaries are important.[/quote]Me too. Cane ! because sometimes talking to them just won't help. To me , they need to know the consequence of their misbehaving, be it cane or other type of punishment such as sitting in the naughty corner until they are allowed to leave.
Appreciate the different view. Wrong person to tell to though. LoL. For something as important as parenting, I do not go by logic or opinions. I go by the word of God. The Creator's instruction manual.tyeogh:
[quote=\"scang\"]
Just a different view, or another view.
All kids are different, esp. the defiant ones, who tends to end up being rebellious if use the hard/tough approach, esp. in the long term.
Usually, the soft and reasoning approach will help to manage their behaviour, and reduce their defiance in the teenage years.
It is all the more tougher for special needs children, who has even more challenges, and although they may be compliant when they are young, smaller size, and not able to \"fight back\", or even forced to behave or \"give in\" due to fear of the punishment, when they have to with the hard/tough approach.
In the long term, the inner pent up resentment, defiant behaviour and negative thoughts etc may give rise to the rebellious behaviour and problems esp. in the teenage years, and even adult life. It may lead to a much tougher, negative and defiance person.
Lots of patience and the soft, reasoning but firm approach may be a better choice in the long term for the development of the child.
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
It is quite explicit. A father who does not cane is viewed as one who hates his son.
I don't agree with the \"pent up resentment, defiant behavior and negative thoughts\" in the long term. That's human logic. Not in my instruction manual.
In my instruction manual, it says when a child is trained in the way he should go, he will not depart from it when he gets older.
In this case, it so happens that a culture with 5,000 years history agrees too. Here is the 3 Word Classic.
养不教,
父之过,
教不严,
师之惰。
子不学,
非所宜,
幼不学,
老何为。
玉不琢,
不成器,
人不学,
不知义。
Basically, it means it is the father's responsibility to be strict in teaching a child. Else the child will not learn righteousness when he is older (Chinese version of a good upbringing).
Both bible and Chinese wisdom agree a disciplined child will not deviate when older. Both are time tested. There must be some truth.
I have 2 elder NT daughters. Both were caned. Both are prefects now. One won a MOE Edusave Character Award, given to the top 2% in each cohort. She is the only one in her school at her level to get it. I remembered she had to be interviewed by her Principal, VP and a panel in the final round. They assessed her character and upbringing, and found it tops.
My other NT boy is also turning out to be a fine gentleman.
You may have wrongly pictured a naggy mother chasing after her child caning him unreasonably, or a parent being always angry at the child. I show my kids a lot of affection, play with them often and hug them to sleep every night. But when it comes to discipline, my cane is non-negotiable. They know it.
So nope. It's still the cane for me. Proven, tested, working. Others here may appreciate your view. Thanks for sharing. -
Hi Marshy,
Thanks for sharing! Talking about bully, this is the what I am worrying. I definitely will join the PSG hope can go in during recess time and any events. I like to do anything to make his life a bit more smooth.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login