When your child wants this and that...

[mintcc]

smurf:

this tactic hor, sometime it works for him, sometime it doesn't. if the thing is not really want he wants and all he wants is attention, then hugging him is enough.but if he really wants, for example, ice cream, hugging him and saying no to him will result in screaming leh. :!:

hee, I try to distract rather than say no out right. for ice cream... I volunteer to buy a box of 12 mini for him and he gets to eat when he is good or when I want to give him a treat. So when he wants ice cream outside, I will go like, \"okay lets go home to eat ice cream!\" and he is happy with that. by the time we get home, some times he forgets he wanted ice cream hee hee .

[buds]

Heyya smurf,


Heyya smurf,

I apply similar discipline tact with sashimi & schellen..
My kiddies one 7yrs and the other 5 yrs old.
It works for me the same..

I do not really experience major disciplinary issues with the
kiddies even now that they're bigger. I suppose parents have to
perservere thru' a fixed disciplinary measure to ensure children
know whose the boss. Meaning that, say.. we have first decided the time
out method (at home), to deal with childrens' petty tantrums, we gotta
follow through.. stick to it till we see some form of concrete response.
It takes time to cultivate the disciplinary measures, but if started from
young... eventually god willing it will be automatic.

If say... we decide to not use the time out for one occasion cos we
were tied up with something and offer him say... a candy to quickly
shush child down, child will know that somehow something had
worked that made us not use it. The child will then try similar
tactics to test market. It may be occasions when we were busy
cooking, or talking on the phone, and heck... just give it a quick
fix so we can get back to what we were doing but... Ting!! :idea:
That's one slip child will come to know that what he just did when
parent was busy, worked for him. He didn't have to do time-out.

Likewise if we're shopping, and all the while we have practised the
ignoring method... then for some reason that day there was a huge
crowd and people were looking, parent caves in to the pressure stares
child will continue to do the roll around the floor dance till we give up
our initial discipline measure. I reali think real parents will be polite
enuf not to stare and allow the parents of the tantrum throwing child
to deal with it their way. We're parents too... so it shudn't be a big of
a deal for us to discipline our children how we want. Even if it means
allowing the child a big loud cry at the corner of the mall.

If child does not make effort to cease the tantrum, i wud just get up
with them and go. Excursion over. These will be the moments where
the immediate discipline method wud not work and since we want to
avoid an audience (people can be really kaypoh!) gathering up our
discipline corner, might as well bring the child home and deal with
hin/her, properly :evil: ...

There were some occasions where i flopped too... and none else but,
by giving way. I said, \"If anyone misbehaves, straight home we go...\"
Buuuuttt, at times i didn't stay true to what i promised. It may be cos i
JUST happen to see-a-dress-i-liked-at-a-discount and it-was-the-last-
one... So i thought, neh-mind aah... just scold a bit there and then but
forgetting my pre-empt warning, the outing still continues.. And my
smarty pants, 5 yr old will observe and say, \"Mummy, you said if we
weren't behaving you wud take us straight home? But you're not?
Are you giving us another chance?\" :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

Children are smarter than we think..
So, gotta outsmart lor.
Important to stay firm. Mean what you say.
Do what you said you WILL do in the event of an outburst.
Weak threats will not work eventually..

And finally like sashimi said, when we catch them being all nice and
angelic... just how we want them to... surprise them with that one
thing you know they wud reali like. They'd remember and love you
for it, thus encouraging good behaviour at all other times.

>schellen : my kiddie's pout can reach the floor! :roll:
So, i noe watcha mean..

Just wanna quote Horton :
I meant what i said,
I said what i meant,
An elephant's faithful 100%.

[smurf]

when I bring my 4 year old boy out, I would usually warn him beforehand that he cannot keep asking for this and that and that I would bring his back and no more outing next time. but usually at the mall, he would forget his promise. and then when I said cannot, his throwing tandrum pattern comes out. and when he doesn't stop his screaming, I would walk away. he would cry even louder and harder. :x makes me even more hot man!

at this time, there is a lot of passerbys watching good show. he can go on crying for hours if I DUN give him wat he wants.

So tired of his behaviour and sometime I really wanna spank him hard for that. :stupid:

[buds]

Heyya smurf,


I can imagine how :x :x :x you must be…
If every outing fighting battles like that…
How to enjoy like that, isn’t it…
Very stress indeed.

From how you describe him, he sure is one
champion cry-er, ay… and he already seasoned.
He knows what riles you up and sticks to it.
And now he knows, it works all the time too…

You have one tough kiddo, no doubt.
Perservere k. You be tough too.
For his own good.

Hang in there ok…

[csc]

smurf:

when I bring my 4 year old boy out, I would usually warn him beforehand that he cannot keep asking for this and that and that I would bring his back and no more outing next time. but usually at the mall, he would forget his promise. and then when I said cannot, his throwing tandrum pattern comes out. and when he doesn't stop his screaming, I would walk away. he would cry even louder and harder. :x makes me even more hot man!

at this time, there is a lot of passerbys watching good show. he can go on crying for hours if I DUN give him wat he wants.

So tired of his behaviour and sometime I really wanna spank him hard for that. :stupid:

You did the right thing by establishing boundaries in advance but when the rule is broken, the child is expecting you to act.... so don't disappoint him.Did you follow-up on the consequence if he disobeys the instructions?

When a child is defiant, in my opinion, it is impossible to \"reason\" with him. The real issue between parent and child is : Are you in charge, or am I ?

[smurf]

yes yes, I walk away, but but but, he seems to forget the whole incident after that. and the next time, I bring him out again, the story repeats. :x

[ChiefKiasu]

smurf:

yes yes, I walk away, but but but, he seems to forget the whole incident after that. and the next time, I bring him out again, the story repeats. :x

You have to stick with what you said and not bring him out the next time. Let him know then why you are not bringing him out.

[schellen]

You know why young children love to repeat doing things, e.g., playing same toys with same actions, watching same shows, same episodes over and over again? Cos that’s how they learn. So when your boy forgets, it’s not deliberate; it means he still hasn’t got it sunk in yet. Just repeat and repeat till he does. (Yes, he will get it but you must be consistent everytime.)

[smurf]

sometime I really want to give up. maybe he just doesn't understand it at all. I know consistency is the key, but hard to do so, especially if I'm alone with him and I need to go out to get grocery. can't leave him alone mah.


This morning I went crazy, I slapped him, cos he was throwing tandrum. so much that he can't stop, stomp his feet until the ground can shake, so loud. and he cried for more than 15 mins or more, I can't remember. I just ignored him, continue to feed my baby. he cried even louder and harder. and then he went to pushed and knocked down the safety gate. screamed to the top of his voice,so loud. That was the last straw, I stood up and slapped him hard. 3 tight slaps, and then I regretted it. very much regretted.

[jedamum]

smurf:

sometime I really want to give up. maybe he just doesn't understand it at all. I know consistency is the key, but hard to do so, especially if I'm alone with him and I need to go out to get grocery. can't leave him alone mah.

oh dear!
if you can't handle 2 kids alone when running errands, perhaps you can wait until your husband is free to go grocery shopping together?

I guess your 4yo's difficult behaviour stems from the newborn in his life.

When my 26mth old throw tantrum (he doesn't insist to buy toys/sweets. he usually insist on running amok in the shopping complex) and distraction doesn't works on him, i just switch off my 'ear piece'. he can cry as long as he wants so long he doesn't hurt himself....he usually last <5min and will come looking for me to hug him.