Sibling Rivals and Love

[sharonkhoo]

I have 2 girls who are 2 yrs apart. At first, I spent quite a lot of time teaching them how to negotiate, take turns etc, but as long as they thought they could persuade me to be on their side, they would still try to get me to intervene. I first made a rule that if they spoke with a whiny voice, cried or threw a tantrum, I would turn deaf. If they had a complaint, they would have to speak calmly and take turns to tell me their story. That helped a bit, but not that much, so I made a rule - if there was no blood, and I didn’t see it happen, I didn’t want to know! Surprisingly, that forced them to exercise all those negotiation skills that I had taught them, and it did help to keep the squabbles down. If they had a really big argument, then I would just confiscate the item under dispute and separate them for 30 mins. It mostly worked!


And if you think the squabbling is attention-seeking, then set aside time every day to read to them, play games with them or just talk to them, and give them attention when they are not quarrelling.

[ChiefKiasu]

yoyodaddy:

I have 2 kids. Son age 6 and Daughter age 3.


Sometimes they are very loving and play well together. Most of the time will compete for attention, or fight over toys/food, finger pointing when something bad happen and complaint the other party beat first or is the one who spill the water/etc.

How can I encourage them to stop the fights and encourage more love/sharing among them. What I should do to determine who is the \"real\" culprit or settle the quarrels.

Appreciate some advice and help.

I think sibling rival is as common as there are kids in families. Very difficult to eradicate, and can only mitigate somewhat. I solved my problem by letting my kids learn taekwondo together. That way even when they fight, they get to hone their TKD skills too... :imanangel:

[yoyodaddy]

Chief. I like your answer. haha. Let them fight it out and you be the referee.


While I know it’s common for siblings rivalry, I’m trying my best to formulate a rule to mitigate the situation.

Happy Parenting!!!

[ashana]

Only child now and don't have this problem.


But am curious to know when siblings(children) failed to talk things over nicely among themselves and turn that into a brawl, what do parents think about punishing both together without trying to find out who is right or wrong first? When the punishment is done, listen to each side of the stories together and tell them why they are wrong. Does it work?

[sharonkhoo]

ashana:

Only child now and don't have this problem.


But am curious to know when siblings(children) failed to talk things over nicely among themselves and turn that into a brawl, what do parents think about punishing both together without trying to find out who is right or wrong first? When the punishment is done, listen to each side of the stories together and tell them why they are wrong. Does it work?

I would separate them and not punish (yet) - just call it a cooling-off period. Then get each to calmly present their side of the story and try to sort things out from there - make them apologise, make restitution, accept some punishment etc. Often, it would be a case of inconsiderate behaviour, impatience, not asking nicely etc, and I will get them to re-enact the situation and deal with it better. Of course, there are some which are just impossible to sort out because both disagree about what really happened, in which case I will just give up and get them to negotiate a mutually satisfactory agreement from that point on.

[Sun_2010]

My kids fight and sometimes it is :frustrated: If there is injury they get punished. If I got dragged out of my work then they get grounded . But overall I take it as a part of growing up.

Others have given you wise advise. Let me share my experience.

I have a brother and we fought all the time. It built a very strong bond. And has made me very resilient. Living with the enemy, who is way stronger than you, keeps you on the toes and makes you very resourceful. We live thousands of miles apart now, but i know my brother is one I can reach out anytime.

I dont remember the chess and caroms I played but I remember throwing the coins out of the window on losing, and the fights that ensue. I remember sneaking off with my brother's bicylce, falling down and damaging it and hiding the rest of the day in my bestie's house till dad came back. I recall putting 2-2 tbps of salt in the only bottle of water in the fridge knowing well that he was just going to be back from his game and reach for it. :politebleah:
What I am trying to say is , Once they grow up, they will remember with a smile on their lips , the wars- the victory and defeats. And miss those days.

So for now, I grit my teeth and bear it.

[MyPillow]

Sun_2010:

My kids fight and sometimes it is :frustrated: If there is injury they get punished. If I got dragged out of my work then they get grounded . But overall I take it as a part of growing up.

Others have given you wise advise. Let me share my experience.

I have a brother and we fought all the time. It built a very strong bond. And has made me very resilient. Living with the enemy, who is way stronger than you, keeps you on the toes and makes you very resourceful. We live thousands of miles apart now, but i know my brother is one I can reach out anytime.

I dont remember the chess and caroms I played but I remember throwing the coins out of the window on losing, and the fights that ensue. I remember sneaking off with my brother's bicylce, falling down and damaging it and hiding the rest of the day in my bestie's house till dad came back. I recall putting 2-2 tbps of salt in the only bottle of water in the fridge knowing well that he was just going to be back from his game and reach for it. :politebleah:
What I am trying to say is , Once they grow up, they will remember with a smile on their lips , the wars- the victory and defeats. And miss those days.

So for now, I grit my teeth and bear it.

:rotflmao: you are cute , sun
* i am \"gulity\" about adding extra in bro drink too

[BlueBells]

I told my girls to "settle it yourselves nicely or I will settle it with my cane. Choose".


Haha… never have to lift a finger after this sentence.

Now that they are in their teens, they will roll eyes, get in their last word at each other, and stomp off to sulk in their room. Doors closed.

[ashana]

I fought with my siblings too but our relationship was very strong that we will defend each other when our parents punished anyone of us with cane. We argue too often till our parents have to separate us to different grandparents place during school vacation. Then we will miss each other and promise the adults never to argue again. Of course, we forgot what we promised once we see each other again. LOL! We are all grown up now and have drifted apart over the years, it is especially so when they got married. So ironic.