When your child wants this and that...

[buds]

Heyya smurf,


My apologies. May have been insensitive to your REAL
situation as we're not exactly in your shoes.. Hence,
failing to see the big picture. It does sound very stressful
for you from how you account your times with him..

I didn't realise you had another baby to care for!
My gosh, then i agree.. it is hard..

Perhaps your elder boy wants attention from you...
Away from the baby..

Are you a stay home mummy, dear..
And how old is your baby now?

I went through almost similar phase like yourself
when i had my second one, who is now K2.. The
elder one came up with so many of her antics, it
sometimes riles me up.. but i do realise she does
not understand at that time why my attention was
always more to the newborn. All she wanted was
for me to finish reading her a story, instead of
going to baby when it cries.. So, thinking what
works for baby wud work for her, she wud cry
too!

There were occasions, i felt i shud just cry too!
Hahaha! Which i did! And both the girls suddenly
kept quiet! Hahahaaa! I pretended to wail aloud
like how they did it. They were both shocked i
think! After that, a few seconds of silence followed
then the three of us chuckled heartily.. :lol: :lol:

How abt your hubs?
Is he able to take your 4 yrs old son in hand, so far..

Hang in there ya, smurf..
Mebbe in this case, you might just need a routine to
balance your time equally between both of your children.
If you're willing to share more, i dun mind being your
listening ear.. and perhaps offer other similar sharings
that worked for me that you may wanna try..

[mintcc]

hey smuf ((hugggs)) It must be hard. I was home alone with just my boy for the first 3 months and is already quite over whelm. Can imagine it must be hard being home alone with a baby and a stubborn toddler. And it must be quite heart pain to slap him too… hope you guys manage to "make up" after that.


I did not know you have another baby before…maybe that’s why the 4 year old is acting up? He want’s mummy’s attention? May be can try to explain to him mummy needs to feed baby or get him to help out and try to spend more time bonding with him? My lil one try to cry for attention too when I am working on my computer. He will throw tantrum and insist I watch TV with him. Some times, I will try to pacify him abit by accompanying him for a while then either sneak away or get his cooperation by explaining to him I need to attend to work/attend to my things.

Must be difficult doing grocery with the 4 yr old and little baby and having to carry the groceries. Perhaps can consider buying stuff in the weekend when there is a helping hand to handle the 4yr old?

[smurf]

thanks mummies for your support. I'm a SAHM too! but from Buds (mostly) and other mummies' posts, I feel that I have 'wasted' my 2 years being a SAHM. cos I don't teach or seldom read to him. I hope it's not too late now. :oops:


yup, have a 10 mths old boy and a 4 year old. very difficult lor, cos the two of them needs as much attention each!

when the elder was young (before I was preggie with the 2nd one), he was such a nice boy, he did throw tandrum now and then, but but but, mild ones, not like now. I guess he really want a lot alot of attention. whenever I hug didi, and when he sees it (the action of hugging), he will come to me and ask me to hug him. I think he is jealous. but I do read to him at nite when didi goes to bed. he is in kindy 1 now, his likes to seek attention in school as well. teacher said he will disturb or deliberately beat (not hard though) his friends. :oops:

sometimes at nite, I just want to cry out, dunno for what reason, just want to cry. :?

hub works from morning until late at nite and is going overseas soon, for 6 weeks, is wondering how am I going to cope.

[mintcc]

 I don't teach or seldom read to him. I hope it's not too late now. Embarassed

Hi Smurf, it is not too late some times, can try to bring them to the library and let them borrow the books they want. One of the ways to help children who behave is also by reading book tat teach kids about good behavior, having a sibling, sharing etc.

Sometimes, motherhood is tiring and taxing, which is why sometimes I am so glad that technology today allow us to go to forums and chat and share our worries and look for ways to solve parenting issues.

Can't imagine how our mothers handle it when info is so much harder to get. But not just your boy hor, my boy also bite and beat his friends in class before. Need to discuss with the teachers how best to correct the problem. For us we had a long period of explaining to him not to do it, reminding him sayang and touch gently, time out etc... I think it took half a year before he stop doing those stuff.

Try to focus on things he does well and do right and pay more attention to him. Encourage him to play and take care of his younger brother... I am sure this is just a passing phase.

[Addoil]

Hi,smurf,

my 4 & 2 yo kid also like that, sometime the teacher complain untill me also \"pai se\" :oops:

like schellen said, now I am keep remind them \"cannot beat ppl hor...\" during the way to school. It seem getting better, but will repeat it once a while. :oops:

It is never too late to start now.
As a mother we all understand each others feeling. Sometime me also feel very tired, frustrate & going to collapse... In order to de-stress., I will talk to frenz, or cry for no reason. Then the next day, will be more energy to take the challenge again.

Now I find in this forum has a lot of mummy/daddy have similar feeling, worry,problem.. and everyone are willing to share each ohter experience. :celebrate:

[smurf]

I’m so glad that there is such forum to share ideas and thoughts. else, I wouldn’t know where to get info.hahah.


My boy wasn’t like this before. it’s only after I got preggie with the 2nd boy, then he behaves like that.

[schellen]

smurf, try catching your boy being nice, especially to your baby and you. Even for simple, mundane things like for example, he didn’t disturb you when you changed the baby’s diaper but instead entertained himself doing something non-destructive. Then, when you’re done changing, put the baby down in a safe place, if possible, and go up to him. In a cheerful and sincere voice, comment on what he was/is still doing. Show interest.


If he does help you with the baby, like for example, handing you something that is out of reach, praise him and be specific about it. Don’t just say, "You’re a good boy" cos it’s too general. Say "Thank you so much for passing me baby’s bib just now. You really helped me a lot." Or if you see him, on his accord, interacting with the baby, say "Look! Baby is smiling. He really likes you. I think you are a very good big brother to baby."

Basically, remember this:
1. Catch him being good/nice.
2. Comment on his good/nice behaviour in a sincere and natural manner. Be specific and praise is not always needed. Interested comments will be just fine.
3. Don’t expect big gestures from him or even him taking the initiative in the beginning. Otherwise you will be disappointed and stressed. Go slow and you will see results.
4. Be calm when he doesn’t "perform" well. Ignore if possible.
5. When his relationship with you and baby has improved (even by a little), "reward" him with "big brother" duties like "helping" you clear his toys from play area so that baby can play there too.

Stick to this and you should see improvements gradually. Your boy should soon realise that he gets positive attention from you when he behaves and negative or zero attention from you when he doesn’t.

Good luck! ^_^

[ChiefKiasu]

schellen:

smurf, try catching your boy being nice, especially to your baby and you...

This is excellent advice, schellen. It might just work for smurf. It is quite apparent that the elder is suffering from jealousy arising from having to share mummy's attention with baby, and your suggested method addresses the root of the problem.

[smurf]

Thanks Schellen! I will try your method and go slow...I think I expect too much of him...u know like everytime old folks will go, 'u r the eldest or jie jie kor kor, you should do this do that...blah blah blah...cannot bully the baby, etc.I guess since young, I was being drilled into thinking this way and it just comes to the mind automatically. :roll:

[schellen]

You're welcome! :oops:


I know about the old folks drill thingy cos I had to go through that too. My sis was born when I just entered primary school, and apparently, my unhappiness lasted till P2 even. I didn't become violent but I think I got even more introverted and my grades slipped. My parents didn't even notice until the school called them up to have a chat. :shock:

The old folks do get it right that we being the elder one should set good example but they forgot that we need to be shown how to do it. We also need to be rewarded. Not monetary rewards, just acknowledgement that my parents still remember and love me, and have not abandoned me for something that I deem noisy, smelly, useless and boring.

The key is to incorporate elder child into baby's life. Then elder child will be proud of being baby's kor-kor or jie-jie. :love: