Super stubborn child
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He’s being a normal two… Room for discussion - er, you should just tell him what is acceptable, no need to discuss. My ds2 is also like this. I keep his toys, even if he screams and cries. If he hit his brother, I instruct him on how to make amends. I tell him exactly what to say, and what to do. Otherwise he won’t know. Of course if I know he’s tired I will not push it. Also some kids ‘chi ruan bu chi ying’. Ds2 will respond to anger with more anger. But if you show him that what he has done has hurt you, he will immediately run to hug. I must admit at one stage I was so exasperated with him. Then I realised the problem is with me, not him. I am using the same parenting style I used with ds1, but they are very different. The attention he gets from me, is also very different. I have to change my attitude and mindset, and I really sat myself down to think things through. So i’m no longer merely reacting to him, but communicating my expectations while giving him more attention. The household became calmer and he more cooperative.
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ks2me:
I suppose the only way is to be more stubborn than him.
I tried before, many times...doesn't work out...usually I surrender...cos he can cry for hrs one... -
You know, really sound like my ds2 at one stage, even the cring in sleep every 5 min and the throwing up. It was a very negative cycle and I told myself this can’t go on. What changed was my perception of him.
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Hi deminc,
trying to use your method, it's hard, cos I dun have a lot of patience...but he seems to listen to 'tao li' (reasoning) more than cane...BUT, although he listens, but he will still do it again and again because he thinks it's very funny...although I dun think so...for caning, it works for a while, after 10 mins, back to his self...I think I need to give him more attention and communication...
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maybe u can tell him if he were to throw the thing, you will throw it into the rubbish chute...and if he really throw it again, straight away throw it into the rubbish chute and let him cry...maybe it will works
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smurf:
you are right. I can't control him now...and no1 can i guess...if say I take away his favourites, he can cry for hrs...and I super can't stand it...let's say he cries himself to zzz, after 5 mins or so, he would cries in his zzz...every 5 mins...tell me, who can stand this?? :?
cos he knows that if he persist, you'll give in.
i can stand. ds2 did the same when i cut down on his tv time. i was very tempted to give in, then told myself it is for his own good and at dh's next available date, we returned the starhub start up box. dh blur blur returned one of the tv cable, so i capitalise on this to end the nonsense of crying over tv.
now they get their okto programme slots only upon my approval, and if i said no, no bargains (of course i will direct ds2 to other activities).
after he cries himself to sleep and wake again, for weaning stuff (eg weaning of tv or pacifier), i use distraction. but for misdeeds that he wants to cry himself out of , i stood my ground (this does not happens to ds2, but is quite common for dealing with my ds1 even at this age - good thing is he can't cry til vomit :P).smurf:
if ds2 is to do that, i will clean him as per normal, bring him into the toilet to wash up. i try not to display any sign of unpleasure, just display sign of concern (\"are you ok\"? etc etc). once he calm down already, reflect the issue with him; request for sorry. if he said no, ask why. why he thinks what he did is not wrong etc etc. a lot of things to talk about.oh, he would vomit out his milk sometimes when crying, and would continue to do so...with mucus all over, and rubbing the mucus on planaket, etc. and if you wipe it away, he cries even louder...UNTIL you give him his favs...
i will not give back his favs unless he said sorry as what was stipulated initially (grandma always said i make big mountain out of molehill, so ds1 will capitalise on grandma's backing to fight horn to horn with me in the battle of stubbornness; but my ultimate weapon of cold shoulders can still apply to his age...for now...argh...ranting already).
stop letting a 2yo rule your life. MHO. -
deminc:
He's being a normal two... Room for discussion - er, you should just tell him what is acceptable, no need to discuss. My ds2 is also like this. I keep his toys, even if he screams and cries. If he hit his brother, I instruct him on how to make amends. I tell him exactly what to say, and what to do. Otherwise he won't know. Of course if I know he's tired I will not push it. Also some kids 'chi ruan bu chi ying'. Ds2 will respond to anger with more anger. But if you show him that what he has done has hurt you, he will immediately run to hug. I must admit at one stage I was so exasperated with him. Then I realised the problem is with me, not him. I am using the same parenting style I used with ds1, but they are very different. The attention he gets from me, is also very different. I have to change my attitude and mindset, and I really sat myself down to think things through. So i'm no longer merely reacting to him, but communicating my expectations while giving him more attention. The household became calmer and he more cooperative.
:goodpost: couldn't agree more.
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deminc:
Ds2 will respond to anger with more anger. But if you show him that what he has done has hurt you, he will immediately run to hug.
this is very very similar to him...when I shout at him, or scold him, he will do that (shouting) to me too...he is not afriad of me, but when I take out the cane, then he would run away...but I dun want to keep relying on cane...
when I told him that he has hurt me by doing so and so, then he will hug me...but he doesn't stop his action though... :x -
vlim:
maybe u can tell him if he were to throw the thing, you will throw it into the rubbish chute...and if he really throw it again, straight away throw it into the rubbish chute and let him cry...maybe it will works
hmm, I tried before...for example, there was a time when some promoter gave him balloon, he kept throwing on the floor, I picked it up for him twice or thrice, after that, I told him, if he continued to throw it again, then I would throw it or give to other people...again, he threw it on the floor.
I picked it up, give it to the nearest kid...he cried after that...and I reason with him, he cried again, but stop maybe after 5 mins later when something else caught his attention... -
smurf:
the key to good discipline is consistency....vlim:
maybe u can tell him if he were to throw the thing, you will throw it into the rubbish chute...and if he really throw it again, straight away throw it into the rubbish chute and let him cry...maybe it will works
hmm, I tried before...for example, there was a time when some promoter gave him balloon, he kept throwing on the floor, I picked it up for him twice or thrice, after that, I told him, if he continued to throw it again, then I would throw it or give to other people...again, he threw it on the floor.
I picked it up, give it to the nearest kid...he cried after that...and I reason with him, he cried again, but stop maybe after 5 mins later when something else caught his attention...
if i can't control balloons in a crowded place, i avoid them. if taken balloons already and need to control, i offer to hold for them and explained it'll hit others. if they throw on the floor without disturbing others, i let them be cos no reason to stop them.
i guess sometimes kids of SAHM take their mum for granted. if you really can't cope, maybe absence really can make the heart fonder and for you to consider CC when the time comes?
what's your dh's take on disciplinary issues?
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