How to handle complaints from school

[stayhome]

:? I have a bright boy but has behaviour problems. I always get complaints from teacher. I talked to my friend some of the complaints. She told me that oh you have to be very thick skin and always apologise to the teacher. It sound very negative, do any one has the same kind of problems and how you handle.


P.S the teacher will received complaints daily from students and parents and she will feedback those very serious one.

[hardworking_mom]

Hi stayhome,


What kind of behavioural problem? Disobedience or mischievous? I’ve just received a complaint from ds’s form teacher today. She was angry that during her class, ds took off his specs and was playing and swinging it. He didn’t stop immediately when she asked him to. I knew sometimes when he is self-engrossed in some activities, he doesn’t seem to hear what others are saying. She kept his specs, he was ‘sobbing quietly’ when I fetched him. I made him apologised to her.

[Jennifer]

Knowing my P3 boy, I would believe the teacher has reached her limits before she lodges a complaint and I would apologise on behalf of my boy and also remind my boy not to do so again.


As for my elder boy who is so much more sensible, I would hear from him his perspectives and then relay them to the teacher. And also hint to the teacher that he/she has not listened to my boy before arriving at his/her conclusion which is unfair.

[stayhome]

Thanks for both replys. My boy will do all kinds of things to attract attention or to disrupt the class daily. The reason he gave to us was that he felt bored and these actions were fun to him. I had explained to him these behaviours are not accepted, and made him apologise to the teacher. But later he will come up with new ways to attract attention again. Pls advise.

[tamarind]

stayhome:

Thanks for both replys. My boy will do all kinds of things to attract attention or to disrupt the class daily. The reason he gave to us was that he felt bored and these actions were fun to him. I had explained to him these behaviours are not accepted, and made him apologise to the teacher. But later he will come up with new ways to attract attention again. Pls advise.

How old is your boy ?

If he is still in kindergarten, you can just ignore the teacher. Bright kids normally feel bored in kindergarten because what they do is really very boring. Kindergarten usually has small class size, and the teacher should be trained to handle kids of different abilities.

In primary school, however, teachers have to handle a class of 30 kids. My girl's P1 teacher told me that there are 1 or 2 bright students, who think it is boring to listen to teacher, and often disturb the other students.

Primary school is the time for him to be trained to tolerate \"boredom\". I used to tell my girl that if she is bored in class, she can draw (but not in school books). Her teacher does try to come up with ways to occupy her. The teacher also allows her to teach other kids.

You can check with the teacher, whether your boy can bring books to read in class. Try to find him some good books that will captivate his imagination

[stayhome]

Thanks tamarind it is very informative. My boy in P1 now. I do let him bring book and activity book to occupy him but only work for short period. He still prefer to create his own 'fun'. The teacher has just started to let him teach the weaker students. I don't know how long this will last. :roll:

[Funz]

No offense to tamarind but I will just have to disagree with her sweeping statement to ignore the teacher if the child is in kindergarten.


Even if your child is a preschooler, if the teacher constantly gives you feedback about your child’s behaviour in school, it will be good if you can sit down to figure out what is the issue. Not all behavioural issues of preschoolers are due to lack of interest in school activities. And it really depends on the extent of behavioural issues that the child is exhibiting before we can totally ignore the teacher’s feedback.

[corneyAmber]

Yes I agree with Funz that it should not be ignored but need to find the root of the problem. Being disruptive in class is never right and if the parents do not nib it at the bud, it will only go on to worser things which I have known.


I never like the idea of accepting children’s bad behaviour on the pretext that the child is bright, gifted and hence can be allowed to go on with such behaviour in class and disrupts everyone else’s learning. Sometimes I wonder if it is the only way a parent gets the yardstick that the child is bright and ahead.

A child is only as bright as his/her behaviour and adults should not take the easy way of thinking that they will change on their own or will outgrow.

My child was bored in K2 but I had never allowed her to misbehave in school. At worst, I kept her home for the remaining part of her kindy days.

In primary school, I did have my concerns of disruption initially, but nothing came close to that…she used her time in the following way according to the FT:
1. Be teacher’s assistant, i.e. be a coach to the average kids, teacher coaches the poorer ones.
2. Draws, I give her mini sketchbooks which she is eager to show me her improvement on some pictures she is working on.
3. Writes, I give her mini notebooks which she is eager to share with me
4. Reads, she is motivated to share with me how many pages she reads in a day
5. I also give her some mini tasks to find out certain things for me from school

But my child is not gifted, just enjoys learning if the teacher is motivating.

[tamarind]

Funz:

No offense to tamarind but I will just have to disagree with her sweeping statement to ignore the teacher if the child is in kindergarten.


Even if your child is a preschooler, if the teacher constantly gives you feedback about your child's behaviour in school, it will be good if you can sit down to figure out what is the issue. Not all behavioural issues of preschoolers are due to lack of interest in school activities. And it really depends on the extent of behavioural issues that the child is exhibiting before we can totally ignore the teacher's feedback.

I did not mean it as a sweeping statement. What I wrote was addressed to stayhome's case only. I never meant it for other parents.

I had the impression that stayhome knew exactly what was the problem with her boy. She wrote that her boy is bright, and he said he is bored. Parents should just listen to the child and not make everything into such a big issue. A good teacher should be trained to handle kids of different abilities.

[tamarind]

ks2me:

I never like the idea of accepting children's bad behaviour on the pretext that the child is bright, gifted and hence can be allowed to go on with such behaviour in class and disrupts everyone else's learning. Sometimes I wonder if it is the only way a parent gets the yardstick that the child is bright and ahead.

I also do not accept that very bright kids should be allowed to disrupt others. That is why I wrote that such kids should be \"trained\" to tolerate boredom, and I also suggested ways, the best of which is to read interesting books suitable for the child's intellectual ability.

Personally I think it is fine to start training in P1 which is the start of formal education. To me, kindergarten is the time when the kids can enjoy, because the class size is small, and also because we pay a lot of school fees and I expect more from the teacher. I feel very sad for a young child to be restricted, and be made to sit down and listen for long periods of time, this is actually not natural. During my generation, half of the kids in my P1 class never attended kindergarten, and we all grow up fine. I am actually more worried about the younger generation.