Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

[vinegar]

pinky:

I was recently diagnosed with depression over this and am under medication. Health wise, I may not be suitable to live overseas alone with my son. The mere thoughts of him not around seems overwhelming to me. It's causing panic attacks.

Oh my goodness. So sorry to know that. May I know which country is he going to? I hope it is not far (Oz?)

[janet88]

pinky:

I was recently diagnosed with depression over this and am under medication. Health wise, I may not be suitable to live overseas alone with my son. The mere thoughts of him not around seems overwhelming to me. It's causing panic attacks.

i do understand your condition. medication won't kick in fast if it's anti-depressants that you're taking. it took me about 3 months before i started to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
occasionally i still have panic attacks.

i've been on anti-depressants for 10 years+...super long time but each time if i will eventually wean off, i will start to hyperventilate.

[ngl2010]

pinky:

I was recently diagnosed with depression over this and am under medication. Health wise, I may not be suitable to live overseas alone with my son. The mere thoughts of him not around seems overwhelming to me. It's causing panic attacks.

My son is still in Sec 4 so I don't have experience of him living overseas yet. However, when DS went for school boarding for 1 term last year, I felt empty too 'cos DS is my only child. Then, DH and I started to have different daily routine. We ate out everyday for dinner and spent more time together in the evening e.g. talking, walking around neighbourhood, watching TV, etc. After a while, we got used to it. It felt like before DS was born. So, after that experience, we didn't feel emptiness anymore whenever DS went for camps, school trips, etc.

Don't worry too much. You can do it! :snuggles:

[sharonkhoo]

pinky:

I was recently diagnosed with depression over this and am under medication. Health wise, I may not be suitable to live overseas alone with my son. The mere thoughts of him not around seems overwhelming to me. It's causing panic attacks.

Sorry to hear that your issue is so serious. In that case, I think it is all the more important that you start doing something now, before he goes. Look up old friends, set up some regular activities, take up a sport/hobby/volunteer work etc. Start doing something with your husband. Remind yourself that your child has only been around for 20 yrs, and you had a life before that!

Also, what is your husband's take on this? (I'm sorry, but I don't know if you may be separated or widowed - I hope you don't mind my asking.) I find it strange that you would even contemplate living overseas while your son studies.

[pinky]

Hi Simkhoo, my husband is ok with my son going overseas to study. He feels it’s unfair to tie him down bec It’s his future n passion. He said he too will miss the daily jogs, the games they play but it will be selfish if I insisit that my son takes up any course locally so that I can see him everyday. We will accompany him there in September and settle him down before we come back. I am starting to be afraid what wlll happen at the airport when we fly back home.

[pinky]

I have friends, ex colleagues n classmates rally around me giving their support and concern especially when they know I have depression. I am so grateful to them.

[Imp75]

why are you so attached to your son? Very soon, he has to settle down and get married soon and form his own family…

take it as a chance for you to get used to not having him around your daily life as eventually he will form a new family.

[sharonkhoo]

pinky:

Hi Simkhoo, my husband is ok with my son going overseas to study. He feels it's unfair to tie him down bec It's his future n passion. He said he too will miss the daily jogs, the games they play but it will be selfish if I insisit that my son takes up any course locally so that I can see him everyday. We will accompany him there in September and settle him down before we come back. I am starting to be afraid what wlll happen at the airport when we fly back home.

Perhaps you don't have to part at the airport? I don't like airports much! Have a good time somewhere, then say your goodbyes the day before? Plan a holiday with your husband for something to look forward on your way home? And have something at home to look forward to - hobby, activity etc. Maybe start switching your focus to your husband now, and start the \"parting\" from your son in advance.

[pinky]

I don’t know if it’s the depression and panic attacks that made me so clingy. I was ‘normal’ prior to this month, attending talks on overseas education, going to British Council to collect info, comparing each University with my husband n son etc. I don’t understand what is happening to me. I thought I share my experience here with you all.

[janet88]

Imp75:

why are you so attached to your son? Very soon, he has to settle down and get married soon and form his own family...

take it as a chance for you to get used to not having him around your daily life as eventually he will form a new family.

that's her only child...so it's understandable she will be attached.
however, this is a crucial time for pinky's medicine to kick in first...it's only after that she will be able to cope better.

Pinky,
hope your hubby is more understanding and considerate during this period. :snuggles: