Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

[sharonkhoo]

pinky:

I was recently diagnosed with depression over this and am under medication. Health wise, I may not be suitable to live overseas alone with my son. The mere thoughts of him not around seems overwhelming to me. It's causing panic attacks.

Sorry to hear that your issue is so serious. In that case, I think it is all the more important that you start doing something now, before he goes. Look up old friends, set up some regular activities, take up a sport/hobby/volunteer work etc. Start doing something with your husband. Remind yourself that your child has only been around for 20 yrs, and you had a life before that!

Also, what is your husband's take on this? (I'm sorry, but I don't know if you may be separated or widowed - I hope you don't mind my asking.) I find it strange that you would even contemplate living overseas while your son studies.

[pinky]

Hi Simkhoo, my husband is ok with my son going overseas to study. He feels it’s unfair to tie him down bec It’s his future n passion. He said he too will miss the daily jogs, the games they play but it will be selfish if I insisit that my son takes up any course locally so that I can see him everyday. We will accompany him there in September and settle him down before we come back. I am starting to be afraid what wlll happen at the airport when we fly back home.

[pinky]

I have friends, ex colleagues n classmates rally around me giving their support and concern especially when they know I have depression. I am so grateful to them.

[Imp75]

why are you so attached to your son? Very soon, he has to settle down and get married soon and form his own family…

take it as a chance for you to get used to not having him around your daily life as eventually he will form a new family.

[sharonkhoo]

pinky:

Hi Simkhoo, my husband is ok with my son going overseas to study. He feels it's unfair to tie him down bec It's his future n passion. He said he too will miss the daily jogs, the games they play but it will be selfish if I insisit that my son takes up any course locally so that I can see him everyday. We will accompany him there in September and settle him down before we come back. I am starting to be afraid what wlll happen at the airport when we fly back home.

Perhaps you don't have to part at the airport? I don't like airports much! Have a good time somewhere, then say your goodbyes the day before? Plan a holiday with your husband for something to look forward on your way home? And have something at home to look forward to - hobby, activity etc. Maybe start switching your focus to your husband now, and start the \"parting\" from your son in advance.

[pinky]

I don’t know if it’s the depression and panic attacks that made me so clingy. I was ‘normal’ prior to this month, attending talks on overseas education, going to British Council to collect info, comparing each University with my husband n son etc. I don’t understand what is happening to me. I thought I share my experience here with you all.

[janet88]

Imp75:

why are you so attached to your son? Very soon, he has to settle down and get married soon and form his own family...

take it as a chance for you to get used to not having him around your daily life as eventually he will form a new family.

that's her only child...so it's understandable she will be attached.
however, this is a crucial time for pinky's medicine to kick in first...it's only after that she will be able to cope better.

Pinky,
hope your hubby is more understanding and considerate during this period. :snuggles:

[janet88]

honestly, i don’t know if i can cope when my son goes for NS.

[Imp75]

janet88:

Imp75:

why are you so attached to your son? Very soon, he has to settle down and get married soon and form his own family...

take it as a chance for you to get used to not having him around your daily life as eventually he will form a new family.

that's her only child...so it's understandable she will be attached.
however, this is a crucial time for pinky's medicine to kick in first...it's only after that she will be able to cope better.

Pinky,
hope your hubby is more understanding and considerate during this period. :snuggles:

yes agreed...sorry I don't mean to sound rude or condescending, that was not my intention.

[sleepy]

pinky:

I don't know if it's the depression and panic attacks that made me so clingy. I was 'normal' prior to this month, attending talks on overseas education, going to British Council to collect info, comparing each University with my husband n son etc. I don't understand what is happening to me. I thought I share my experience here with you all.

If it makes you feel happier you can stay with him for a little longer (till he becomes busy with school stuff then you go home) or visit him more regularly eg every few months? I think forcing yourself too much (when you are not ready to 'detach') is not too good either

Maybe I'm wilful. I will typically do whatever I want leh. If I wish to stay longer for my own peace of mind then that's exactly what I would do. Who is going to stop me anyway? Paiseh paiseh, I think I'm indeed quite 任性