What to do if your child is very stubborn?
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cherrygal:
Exactly. The process of negotiation will also help the child learn how to prepare a proposal in future:lol:I also found a good way to limit his requests for candies or forbidden items. If he wants for eg. Ribena pastilles, I would offer him just 3. He tries asking for 5, then I go down to 2, and he comes down to 4 and so on. We usually compromise at 3-4 pieces and there'll be no sulking.
And I always tell my DH, if he has to give in anyway, then there's really no point in saying no right? Why say no, make the child holler, then crumble and give in? It only reinforces to the kid that crying gets him things. If it's just small requests like sweets, I give, but in limited quantities. If it's toys, then offer alternatives. If he refuses and insists on crying, he gets nothing. And you got to go all the way and stand your ground when you decide he gets nothing when he cries.
The child is looking up to you for direction. He will behave better when you tell him what behavior you want from him. Your job is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Never waver. -
Hi Jedamum
Yup, my son will also take up the alternative coz he knows he will get nothing if he threw a tantrum. I also told him, like him, mom does not like people to nag. The more he nags at me to buy, the more I wouldn't buy it. I told him I preferred to surprise him with the item when he wasn't asking. After a few months, he would forget he even liked that item coz kids get distracted very easily. :lol: -
mintcc:
20 - 25 years ago, my parents just tell us, no cannot buy because we should not 乱花钱. So now I also say the same to my kid. Must repeat very often....e.g. whenever he wants to buy something unnecessarily.
30 years ago, my parents hardly brought us out to buy anything. In fact, I only remember vividly standing in front of the provision shop or make-shift sweets shop staring at the sweets trying to decide what to buy with my 10 cents.
Later on, Yaohan was the very first shopping centre that we frequent almost every Sunday. My father would bring all 3 of us siblings out to the toys & books section. My 2 brothers would be poring over the Star Wars toys and magic tricks. I would be at the books section reading Enid Blyton. Star Wars toys were very expensive but I think occasionally my father would buy for my brothers one each. I would almost always buy a book. One time I remembered I wanted to buy two books instead of one. I was actually really apprehensive because usually we would buy only one thing each. After gathering up some courage, I asked my dad if I could buy 1 book. After he said yes, I asked if I could buy a second book? I was almost sure he would say no because one should be enough, blah..blah...blah but he nodded his head without saying anything and said \"Mmmm\" (meaning Yes!). I was so happy and delighted and at that point, I remembered thinking my father really loved me! (Truth be said, my father hardly rejects any of our requests!).
:love:
But none of us ever threw tantrums about toys and such. Because by the time Yaohan came about, we were already primary school kids, quite big already lah!
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DesertWind:
Sweet memories eh, Mummy DesertWind.One time I remembered I wanted to buy two books instead of one. I was actually really apprehensive because usually we would buy only one thing each. After gathering up some courage, I asked my dad if I could buy 1 book. After he said yes, I asked if I could buy a second book? I was almost sure he would say no because one should be enough, blah..blah...blah but he nodded his head without saying anything and said \"Mmmm\" (meaning Yes!). I was so happy and delighted and at that point, I remembered thinking my father really loved me! (Truth be said, my father hardly rejects any of our requests!).
:love:
But none of us ever threw tantrums about toys and such. Because by the time Yaohan came about, we were already primary school kids, quite big already lah!
BTW, love your new avatar *pretty*
:offtopic:
Sigh, last time Yaohan Thomson.
Remember \"Do-Re-Mi\"?
Now Fairprice Finest @ Thomson Plaza.
Still live in the same place, boy do I feel my age :oops: -
duriz:
Hi duriz,Sweet memories eh, Mummy DesertWind.
BTW, love your new avatar *pretty* Sigh, last time Yaohan Thomson.
Remember \"Do-Re-Mi\"? Now Fairprice Finest @ Thomson Plaza.
Still live in the same place, boy do I feel my age :oops:
Love your avatars too!
For us it was Yaohan @ Plaza Singapura (Dhoby Ghaut). I grew up in Central around Tiong Bahru area!
My impression is that we are quite close in age, you must be one or two years younger than me!
\"Ren lao xing bu lao\" that's how we feel. But I try not to say the \"O\" word since our BB still young long way more to go!
Cheerios comrade & lets celebrate our days gone by!
:hi5: -
cherrygal:
Thanks for the advice cherrygal. I also try not to give in, as I don't want him to think he can get whatever he wants by throwing tantrum. Hubby is also quite firm.Hi baglady,
When my son refuses the alternative, then I take away the alternative. We just go home straight and avoid a public tantrum. That will teach him not to try our patience. By going home, he will realise that his sulking tactics won't work and he loses the entire shopping experience. If he continues his tantrums at home, he will get it from me.
I also found a good way to limit his requests for candies or forbidden items. If he wants for eg. Ribena pastilles, I would offer him just 3. He tries asking for 5, then I go down to 2, and he comes down to 4 and so on. We usually compromise at 3-4 pieces and there'll be no sulking.
And I always tell my DH, if he has to give in anyway, then there's really no point in saying no right? Why say no, make the child holler, then crumble and give in? It only reinforces to the kid that crying gets him things. If it's just small requests like sweets, I give, but in limited quantities. If it's toys, then offer alternatives. If he refuses and insists on crying, he gets nothing. And you got to go all the way and stand your ground when you decide he gets nothing when he cries.
The child is looking up to you for direction. He will behave better when you tell him what behavior you want from him. Your job is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Never waver.
But it's really not easy! Sometimes it takes a lot of strong will on our part. It can be tempting to just give in, as it will stop the crying. I don't know about you but I cannot tahan crying! I try not to beat or cane my boy, but sometimes he really pushes it. And he knows I don't scold or beat him in public. I just give him the dagger eyes and try to reason with him. Usually it works, but sometimes he will just cry and cry. Lucky he doesn't scream and shout or throw himself on the floor... -
Yaohan! Ah those were the days… I remember there use to be Star Wars characters walking around in the toy section. It use to freak me out seeing Darth Vader or a storm trooper walking towards me!
Good old days and memories…
Did any one go for the Retro concert at Fort Canning? Debbie Gibson, Rick Astley and Johnny Hates Jazz! Hahaha it was really blast from the past! Me and hubby and some friends went together and it was so fun. Everyone left their kids with parents or in laws. hehe! -
baglady:
Ah! Are you afraid of mascots too?Yaohan! Ah those were the days... I remember there use to be Star Wars characters walking around in the toy section. It use to freak me out seeing Darth Vader or a storm trooper walking towards me!
Good old days and memories...
Did any one go for the Retro concert at Fort Canning? Debbie Gibson, Rick Astley and Johnny Hates Jazz! Hahaha it was really blast from the past! Me and hubby and some friends went together and it was so fun. Everyone left their kids with parents or in laws. hehe!
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=13683
Didn't go to retrolicious concert.
DD too young to subcontract out for the night.
Day time no problem.
Night falls and it's mama, mama, mama.
Velcro-baby :love:
Actually it's velcro mama as well :oops: -
DesertWind:
You betcha retrolicious momma :celebrate:\"Ren lao xing bu lao\" that's how we feel. But I try not to say the \"O\" word since our BB still young long way more to go!
Cheerios comrade & lets celebrate our days gone by!
:hi5: -
There is always the soft and hard approach. Will come back to this in a mo.
Then, it is the growing up Stages-and-Ages issues? How old is the kid? Gender. Family & Environment.
Back the first one:
Soft Approach:
1. Patience
2. Make a conscious effort to understand the child’s point of view
3. Make peace and conciliatory gestures
4. Bargain and incentive to comply
Hard Approach:
a. I am the "Parent" - you listen to me
b. Punishment, curfew, isolation
c. Take away his precious smartphone or no computer for the now
d. Silence & "ostracize"
Alternatively, get a neutral outside party to intervene and understand, resolve.
Another approach - best to spend a week-end together on a one-to-one basis, and talk nothing about the subject that is troubling both of you. Indulge in fun and do silly things and forget about the "sorrows". Who knows, the relationship may dramatically improve after such an outing.
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