In-law problems?
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We have never celebrated mother's day with MIL.She will eventually celebrate with her second son even though she has four sons.
Actually, second son will not celebrate with her too.But, mil will call him during the mother's day week and hint him.This sunday, are you all coming, if not, I will let the contractor to come in and get some work done....every year is similar excuse...Mrs Ang:
Did you'll celebrate Mothers' Day with your mil? I didn't
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Jennifer:
Move back despite knowing you need to make many adjustments. It will be too late if 1 of them is gone and then u need to move back. The surviving 1 is unlikely to forgive u; the deceased may not forgive you / son; you hubby may grudge against you if not openly but silently if he does love his parents; your SILs may do the same.
Now that both ILs are getting old, is it my duty to move the whole family back? Hubby has not mentioned anything. Dun know if he is waiting for me to suggest willingly or he really has not thought abt it.
Moving back means many adjustments for all.
What u r about to do or not to do now is likely to be a mirror of what u r going to hv during yr old age. Put yourself in their shoes and think and rethink. These old people don't hv many years to nag and create troubles for u. Maybe can take it as a kind of 'repayment' for bringing up a son fit enough to be yr husband and a father of yr children.
Discuss the issue with yr hubby. Listen to what he has to say. If he can tell u, \"Don't need to worry about them\" then I think u also got to worry about yr hubby's basic responsibility as a son. Set a time frame, something like to stay with them when one of them turns 70 yrs old. Let them know about yr planning and listen to what they hv to say. Most old people feel worried about no one taking care of them when they grow old but many r simply too proud to speak it out and so they act it out in other ways. U will also be old 1 day and facing the same fear. -
hercules:
Most old people feel worried about no one taking care of them when they grow old but many r simply too proud to speak it out and so they act it out in other ways.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, hercules.
Yap, another few more years of freedom, then it's back to the cage.
When I was abt to marry my hubby, he said: \"Let's live tge first, if you really cant get along, then we'll move out.\" My late granny also said: \"You r working, by the time you reach home, it will be night, not many hours to face your ILs, dun worry too much.\" Hm, seems like I will back to the workforce soon. -
Mothers Day is commercialized…no need to make restaurants richer by celebrating there. If I were to cook, it would be for my own mother.
I always pray hard my SIL don’t have the crazy idea to celebrate for the old one…or else not only do I have to drag myself there but also spend money.
If SIL were to plan any of such occasions, it is because her hubby (the eldest son) initiates it out of guilt. I just hate it. :x
Hubby has 3 siblings (he is 2nd son). All married and moved out. The flat which the 2 old folks staying in are paid up. I cannot have a decent talk with the old one without boiling up. She is so scheming…in front of hubby, she’s an angel but behind his back, her horns appear. She can get the Mediacorp Star Awards for Best Actress. -
Jennifer:
my 2 cents worth ...My ILs would be hitting the 70+ soon (another 3 years). Hubby is the only son and ILs has two other married daughters. One SIL married a only child, the other SIL married the only son. Both SILs not staying with their ILs.
We used to stay tge till my second child was 3plus. Had one major quarrel with MIL. The last draw was during my second child's K2 graduation concert. Sth happened and I lost any bit of respect left for MIL.
Now that both ILs are getting old, is it my duty to move the whole family back? Hubby has not mentioned anything. Dun know if he is waiting for me to suggest willingly or he really has not thought abt it.
Moving back means many adjustments for all.
if your ILs are healthy and active and enjoying their freedom, you may be over-worrying in thinking that they need your company.
if your DH thinks that its ok to leave them as they are, it could really be the case of leaving them as they are. he is the son, he should know best.
of course, if things are otherwise then the decision can be different again.
the chines saying about easy to see one another but difficult to stay together is really true, cos it has happened to me and my ILs.
especially if you have had a brush with your MIL years ago.
again, its my two cents' worth ... you would know your situation best. -
ImMeeMee:
my 2 cents worth ...
ImMeeMee, thank you for your sharing.
It is always a qn of \"what if\" like what hercules has mentioned. I dun want hubby to hv any regrets. At least I bring their son and grandsons back to their sides in their old age. I need only to work on how myself to meet MIL as seldom as possible while under one roof. -
markfch:
Wow, your DH is really sincere & filial. If I did that, my mum will think that either I'm dying of cancer or more likely trying to borrow money from her
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Your kids would have taken a leaf from this, and next time they will also cook for you guys. Isn't this wonderful.
Hi Markfch!
My hubby shops for all the groceries as well. He is quite a house-husband. In the past I had some problems with my MIL but this recent Mother's Day, I hugged and thanked her for bringing up my hubby so well! She told me I am lucky to have a hubby who can cook! My FIL is also the one who buys all the groceries hence this practice sort of got \"passed down\" to by hubby I guess?
But I feel really pressurized by all the sumptuous cooking! It is like my hubby telling me \"If I can do it, YOU can too! \". Oh no....what am I going to cook for Father's Day? Aiyah just go out to some restaurant and eat lah!!!
:celebrate: -
minnie2004:
DesertWind:
What did my MIL says? Needless to say she was very touched but I expected it and she said to me \" You should have done this ma...!\".
haha, my MIL wud have said the same thing. don't know why all DILs are expected to be good cooks
. If I do cook on mother's day, sorry I'm cooking for my own mom not you lah 
Hello Minnie2004!
In fact for my own mother we did not even celebrate. My mother said everyday is a mother's day if the children are filial, no need to specifically do anything! She told me to just concentrate on my hubby's family there is more important. True, for my MIL, although she said \"never mind don't bother yourself cooking or do anything\" but if we really miss it, volcanoes will erupt !
So no matter what, MIL is MIL and own mother is own mother!
:love:
:celebrate: -
DesertWind,
My mum said the same thing too…she said if kids are filial, no need to have Mothers’ Day to show it. It’s a daily thing, not annual event to be filial. -
janet_lee88:
DesertWind, janet_lee88, our mothers seem to be cut from the same cloth leh! My mum said the same... :celebrate: but we celebrated with grill/steamboat at my place nonetheless! Simple but fun!
My mum said the same thing too...she said if kids are filial, no need to have Mothers' Day to show it. It's a daily thing, not annual event to be filial.
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