What to do if your child is very stubborn?

[baglady]

cherrygal:

Hi baglady,

When my son refuses the alternative, then I take away the alternative. We just go home straight and avoid a public tantrum. That will teach him not to try our patience. By going home, he will realise that his sulking tactics won't work and he loses the entire shopping experience. If he continues his tantrums at home, he will get it from me.

I also found a good way to limit his requests for candies or forbidden items. If he wants for eg. Ribena pastilles, I would offer him just 3. He tries asking for 5, then I go down to 2, and he comes down to 4 and so on. We usually compromise at 3-4 pieces and there'll be no sulking.

And I always tell my DH, if he has to give in anyway, then there's really no point in saying no right? Why say no, make the child holler, then crumble and give in? It only reinforces to the kid that crying gets him things. If it's just small requests like sweets, I give, but in limited quantities. If it's toys, then offer alternatives. If he refuses and insists on crying, he gets nothing. And you got to go all the way and stand your ground when you decide he gets nothing when he cries.

The child is looking up to you for direction. He will behave better when you tell him what behavior you want from him. Your job is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Never waver.

Thanks for the advice cherrygal. I also try not to give in, as I don't want him to think he can get whatever he wants by throwing tantrum. Hubby is also quite firm.

But it's really not easy! Sometimes it takes a lot of strong will on our part. It can be tempting to just give in, as it will stop the crying. I don't know about you but I cannot tahan crying! I try not to beat or cane my boy, but sometimes he really pushes it. And he knows I don't scold or beat him in public. I just give him the dagger eyes and try to reason with him. Usually it works, but sometimes he will just cry and cry. Lucky he doesn't scream and shout or throw himself on the floor...

[baglady]

Yaohan! Ah those were the days… I remember there use to be Star Wars characters walking around in the toy section. It use to freak me out seeing Darth Vader or a storm trooper walking towards me!


Good old days and memories…

Did any one go for the Retro concert at Fort Canning? Debbie Gibson, Rick Astley and Johnny Hates Jazz! Hahaha it was really blast from the past! Me and hubby and some friends went together and it was so fun. Everyone left their kids with parents or in laws. hehe!

[duriz]

baglady:

Yaohan! Ah those were the days... I remember there use to be Star Wars characters walking around in the toy section. It use to freak me out seeing Darth Vader or a storm trooper walking towards me!


Good old days and memories...

Did any one go for the Retro concert at Fort Canning? Debbie Gibson, Rick Astley and Johnny Hates Jazz! Hahaha it was really blast from the past! Me and hubby and some friends went together and it was so fun. Everyone left their kids with parents or in laws. hehe!

Ah! Are you afraid of mascots too?

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=13683

Didn't go to retrolicious concert.
DD too young to subcontract out for the night.
Day time no problem.
Night falls and it's mama, mama, mama.
Velcro-baby :love:

Actually it's velcro mama as well :oops:

[duriz]

DesertWind:

\"Ren lao xing bu lao\" that's how we feel. But I try not to say the \"O\" word since our BB still young long way more to go!

Cheerios comrade & lets celebrate our days gone by!
:hi5:

You betcha retrolicious momma :celebrate:

[danielwmlow]

There is always the soft and hard approach. Will come back to this in a mo.

Then, it is the growing up Stages-and-Ages issues? How old is the kid? Gender. Family & Environment.

Back the first one:
Soft Approach:
1. Patience
2. Make a conscious effort to understand the child’s point of view
3. Make peace and conciliatory gestures
4. Bargain and incentive to comply
Hard Approach:
a. I am the "Parent" - you listen to me
b. Punishment, curfew, isolation
c. Take away his precious smartphone or no computer for the now
d. Silence & "ostracize"

Alternatively, get a neutral outside party to intervene and understand, resolve.
Another approach - best to spend a week-end together on a one-to-one basis, and talk nothing about the subject that is troubling both of you. Indulge in fun and do silly things and forget about the "sorrows". Who knows, the relationship may dramatically improve after such an outing.

[funnygummyyummy]

I noticed raising spoken volume helps. It's actually shouting. thinking of other ways to limit this

[vinegar]

At times, when i tired of nagging n lecturing, i just simply ignore him. Let him 反醒

[vinegar]

I learn anger mgmt thru managing my ds :roll: i find yelling n scolding him isn’t going to do much good. Frd advised me that if keep shouting at them for everything, thry will emotionally distance themselves n may stop listening to you as a sign of protest. That was what happened to her..


When talk to him, i try to calm and soft, but firm. The tone is impt...

[MrsKiasu]

yes vinegar, I find shouting somehow doesnt work as well when they are more grown up. My shouting has reduced alot recently. Understanding each other may be better solution. dd1 so kaypoh that recently she is trying to look into traits of personal horoscope…we kinda briefly discussed about it and later on she says I really displaying my horoscope when I lecture them two.

[funnygummyyummy]

is it really an asian thing about shouting at children? I see angmohs they rarely have to shout