Is hubby overcalculative over kids education?

[zac's mum]

Does he know that there is non-drowsy version of Panadol?


Whether “calculative” or not regarding studies, maybe consider why he is like that or where he’s coming from. My DH is also very similar, ie much more kancheong than me about kids studies and results. Sometimes it is due to personality. Sometimes it is due to their own childhood…eg DH did not study hard and to his own admission, he “paid the price” ever since then, when he was always one step behind other people in his career, never earning as much as those with stellar grades. To a sole breadwinner, he may feel under very high stress to provide for the family and “beat himself up” for not bettering his circumstances when he could. Hence he feels the “importance” of pushing the kids to work hard from young.

This is what my own DH explained to me (ever since we were dating). I may not agree with his philosophy to the same extent, but I do what I can to help the kids, help the family. It’s not easy when the kids have some learning blocks, or different personality types. I do what I can and along the way explain to DH and hope he sees my situation as well. Yes the education part is on my shoulders too. They are busy bringing home the bacon, yet they try their best with the kids too. See their heart and their intention. They only want the best for the kids, they don’t wish the same “fate” to fall on their offspring. I think that’s where they are coming from.

[Zappy]

Letting the kids go to school for exams when they are sick is irresponsible.

In the name of pursuing academic achievements, what is the bigger picture here?

In addition, do you not realize that other students may also be infected if the sick child is contagious? Even the schools themselves advocate in their beginning-of-year meet-parents sessions NOT to let your kid come to school if they are sick.

First of all, they are unwell and should rest to recover. Second of all, you’re just putting everyone else at risk. Just imagine if this was in the early 2000s SARS episode - what’s going to happen?

[sharonkhoo]

Now that you have discerned a difference of "worldview" between yourself and your husband in the area, perhaps you should schedule a time to talk it over? Not in bits and pieces while you are rushing around, but find a couple of hours when you won’t be interrupted.


On your part (and I agree with your views), you can collect some support for your views that kids need to have downtime, to learn to enjoy learning, that grades are not the most important thing etc etc. Also, as some others have pointed out, men do look at things differently and have different values, and they are not invalid. They are also often less "soft" than mothers, and that can be a good thing too. So try to come up with a compromise solution, setting out how much extra the kids should do over an above homework, how much time they should have to play and relax, what standards of behaviour you should set etc. What you agree initially will probably need to be tweaked over time, but it’s a starting point. And once you have agreed, there should be less tension between you, as long as both sides abide by the agreed terms.

And on a practical note - paracetamol (Panadol) doesn’t cause drowsiness. Perhaps your preparation contains something else as well? Just find plain paracetamol, and non-drowsy formulations for things like cough, cold, allergies etc.

[BlueCheese]

Thank you for all your reply, especially the non drowsy meds... Will definitely check it out at the pharmacy!

[ChiefKiasu]

There are a few parties to consider: the parents, other parents, other students, and the child himself. If the child is sick, no matter how kiasu the parent is, there’s a need to consider other children in the school. What happens if it is infectious? I think most parents will worry about that.


I think your hubs needs to look beyond his own family to understand his impact on society as a unit. Of course it is commendable that he cares and look after his own children. But what about other people’s children? We need to look after them too!

[BlueCheese]

ChiefKiasu & Zappy: I can totally understand your concern, in my kid’s case it’s a normal fever (no other symptoms), so the issue here is I can’t get use to the fact that if I give him panadol (at least to let him feel better and get thru with his exam that morning) will actually pull down his grades if he geta drowsy because of it. If he’s having rashes or HFMD symptoms, will definitely quarantine him, exam or not…

[zeemimi]

Watch Korean drama Sky Castle. Although it is fictitious, i thought there’s quite a bit to learn from the drama. And what you described is almost like a couple in the drama. Unless you realign yourself with your hubby or you can convince your hubby to realign with you, there will be constant struggle and tension in the family. It’s better to identify the problem early, work on some solutions than to sweep them under the carpet.

As for panadol, i thought the fever will make the child sleepy. At least that’s the case for me and kids. With panadol and the fever subsided, the tiredness is also lessen.

[entei17]

ladyearlgrey:

There's also one time when it's Maths exam day, and one kid is having a fever. I'm normally quite gancheong when they are sick so in the morning I quite panic when the child is feverish before going to school. I wanted to give him panadol so the fever might subside when he reaches school, and he might feel better to make it thru the exam. However the hubby stopped me from doing that...he said that panadol would make him drowsy, and he will not perform well for his exam and it will pull down his overall marks...if I'm gonna give him panadol, then might as well don't let him attend the exam (cos he's scored pretty well for his CAs).

Don't schools have makeup papers for students who missed their papers with valid MCs?

[BlueCheese]

Zeemimi: thank you for sharing, will check out the drama


Zac'smum: yes I think hubby is stressed partly because during childhood he's compared to his sibling who's academically and professionally more successful.. Whereas even though hubby also went to uni, it seems it's with his mum's help who approached an MP for assistance or something like that.. Probably he want to push his kids to perform well in order to get back some 面子.. However he's not always like that.. Whenever he's stressed I'd try to voice out my, concerns, then he'd 'back off' a bit. Anyways I'm actually quite thankful he's always taking initiative to coach the kids himself despite being tired on the weekends.