All About Parenting Teenagers

[MrsKiasu]

MyPillow:

ammonite:

[quote=\"MrsKiasu\"]
Combi methods is what I m using now..I can be rather harsh with my kids but at the same time I do let them see my vulnerabilities. Now sometimes they are at the 'mom' position.. tell/advise me at times.

no offence, but aren't they a bit too young for that? (but maybe you mean normal day-to-day stuff)
Actually I think as boys get older, daddy plays a greater role and mummies can sit back and relax (other than in the food department)? In fact these days I taichi to DH a lot. I say - your boys need a man to model after and look up to, he can't argue with that ...

And by hard method, what do you mean? If caning or scolding, it is not very effective. Pre-teens and teens have their pride. Need to reason and give them some time to reflect and think it through. No need to react to their every outburst.

agree too! dh plays a bigger part in role modeling and my ds is quite \"scared\" of papa
i must learn to be not as responsive to occasional silly burst .But i will look or stare at him at the corner of my eyes n my teen would start his long winded qn of asking me why i so fierce and he is not wrong ..... :sick:[/quote]dh trying whenever he could .but I m main one.

[MrsKiasu]

ammonite:

MrsKiasu:

ammomite, just on lighter issues only la not on the important stuffs. like feedback/management of emotions..


I think I have an issue here lei.. I noticed I often treat kids to be quite mature kind even though they are still young in actual fact..dd2 will sometimes remind me that she is a still a kid and for dd1, I need to tell myself that she is only this age..dd1 started to analyse relationships I noticed recently ..or most kids already like that? during holiday..she will say something like daddy, do you know that you have a good wife and on certain happenings, she will tell me that I have a good husband..I was quite surprised to hear it..if she ever said it before could tell not after such deeper thinking sense like this round. Thereafter, I also moved one notch higher.. start telling like dd2 she better have lesser funny photos else I have got nothing to show her daughter and I am going to tell her bf...when her bf comes to our house to look for her..for us all to have a good laugh. with dd1, we recently had a night chat, share with her about certain behaviour of a person that could lead to certain future bla bla bla..then I asked her, you want to be like that?.she says dont want dont want..this kind of little sharing, will it help in teaching and bringing our mom dd relationship further?? I m unsure..just trying.

I guess everyone a different style lah. I think most want their kids to be very matured and thoughtful, but I feel children must be allowed to be children or they will grow up suppressed and with a fake facade, only know how to please others and not knowing what they really want or what their real likes and dislikes are. Of course we need to correct and talk to them, but expectations must be age appropriate. (And I definitely don't mean being a nuisance in restaurants and shopping malls.) To know oneself is a journey too, and it entails having the space to wonder and ponder and yes, sometimes making mistakes and having regrets. One thing I am very big on though is not talking much about BGR at a young age unless they ask me something or it crops up.

MKS, I can see that your dd is observing you closely. Now is a good time to ask yourself what message you want to send her regarding what it means to be a \"good\" mother, a \"good\" wife and having one's own identity as a woman juggling different roles; what a \"good\" husband is in terms of contributions financially, time, gifting etc. It will all play out in the next two decades.

you hit it, ammo. when I was emotionally challenged, I was very stressed I cant ctr myself at the same time I m very very scared that this is what they see as 'normal'. Struggling alot..feel myself tearing apart. yup, very true, a child raised under non scolding environment they tend to be milder and I need spend more time to correct this inside them..

[Jamaica]

Dear parents,


We are a team of researchers from the Centre for Family and Population Research (CFPR), National University of Singapore (NUS).

We are currently conducting a longitudinal survey among Singaporean parents and youth titled “Family Dynamics in the Development of Behavioral Addiction in Singaporean Youth”.

This survey sets out to understand the role of family dynamics play in influencing youth’s addictive behaviors (i.e. internet use, social media use, smartphone use, online gaming, compulsive buying, parental working behavior, and unhealthy eating habits), and their physical and psychological health. We are also interested in investigating the reciprocal relationship between parent's and child’s behaviors.

The survey aims to invite Singaporean adolescents (13 – 17 years old) and one of their parents (>30 years old) to participate in the survey. All interested participants must have resided in Singapore for the past 10 years.

Details of the survey are as follows:
-\tSurvey structure: Online survey on the NUS survey platform. You may complete the survey on your mobile devices/tablets/computers at your free time. As part of the research procedure, parents will be required to provide consent for both themselves and their child prior to the commencement of the survey (this is done in the survey link below).
-\tEstimated duration: 15-20 minutes; you will be required to complete the current survey followed by a similar online survey one year later (you may choose to opt out from the follow-up survey by indicating in the current survey)
-\tReimbursement: $10 NTUC vouchers will be reimbursed to parents and adolescents (i.e. $10 each) when the survey is done. An additional $10 NTUC voucher will be reimbursed if each participant also complete the follow-up survey a year later. (For the purpose of follow-up and reimbursement, you will be asked about your contact details at the beginning of the survey.)

The participation of the survey is entirely voluntary and you may withdraw from the study anytime without giving any reason. You may also want to note that all your inputs provided to the research study will be kept strictly confidential and anonymous. This research study will also not provide any form of treatments or consultations.

If you are interested in participating, please click on the following link to complete the survey:

For parents: https://mysurvey.nus.edu.sg/EFM/se/543BE5C219BF8FD3
For adolescents: https://mysurvey.nus.edu.sg/EFM/se/543BE5C2748C31F4

Should you have any queries pertaining to the research study, you may drop an email to Jamaica Tan at [email protected].

[serinder]

Try speaking to the school counsellor first

[RachelStar]

tough teaching the teenagers nowadays

[swortionery]

CarenL:

Teenagers are not easy to manage but I think if they can feel your genuine concern over them (not just as a mother/father figure waiting to find fault with them) they will open up to you and treat you as a friend. I have definitely seen a lot of these in my friends' parents when I was growing up and the kids are happier and willing to share everything with their parents without feeling the need to hide things because their parents focus on their feelings and solutions rather than just the problems.

Cannot emphasise this enough. The most compliant teens I've met are those who trust the adults in their lives, and vice versa. Trust goes both ways, so for your child to come clean with you, you'll also have to be transparent with them.

On the other hand, to play devil's advocate for a bit, one still needs to draw the line between \"friend\" and \"authority figure\". On a sub-conscious level, children and teens still recognise that there is a need for authority figures in their life.

[Kyrias]

Rachel572,I think that you are absolutely right. I am acting more like a friend to my kids and less with authority like a parent.I am trying to develop this bond that we can discuss openly any issue.They are so sensitive and insecure during this period of time,and need so much attention and support

[bearyhana]

How to help a P6 boy, who has been lying and running away from home. He does not speak up when being asked.

[stephanielee]

Dear Parents,


We are a team of researchers from the National University of Singapore. We are conducting a research project titled: “The Influence of Family Context in an Adolescent’s Development.” We seek your kind participation in this project. The aim of this research is to explore how adolescent temperament and family contextual factors might contribute to the adolescent’s psychological well-being and resilience as he/she is growing up during this period.

There are 2 studies in this project. Join us for 1 or both of the studies.


Study 1:
· You and your family (both parents and adolescent) will be required to complete online questionnaires once every 6 monthly over 2 years. You and your family member will each complete 4 questionnaires across 2 years.
· The questionnaires will take approximately 1.5hours per person each time.
· Each member of the family will be reimbursed $15 for completing the respective questionnaires at each wave of data collection. In total, each member of the family will receive $60 for completing all questionnaires across the 2 years.
· Participants will receive a report on some of their personality traits.

Study 2
· You and your adolescent (parent-adolescent pair) will be required to complete questionnaires online and attend 1 session conducted at a laboratory at the National University of Singapore.
· The questionnaires will take approximately 1.5hours per person, and the laboratory session will take approximately 1.5hours.
· You and your adolescent will be compensated up to $70 for completion of the online questionnaires, laboratory session, and transportation to the laboratory.

You are eligible to participate in these studies if:
· Your adolescent is between 12 to 17 years old
· Parent and adolescent are both proficient in English.
· Only 1 adolescent per family is allowed for participation.
· Your adolescent has no visual impairments (apart from corrected vision), or a developmental disorder.

Visit https://blog.nus.edu.sg/parentingadolescents/ for more information and to participate.

You may contact us at [email protected] if you have any questions about the studies.

We sincerely hope that you will participate in this project so that we can all better understand how best to enhance our children’s adaptability to life challenges. We would also appreciate your help in sharing this research project with families who may be interested in participating. Thank you.


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[foosoomin]

Funz\" post_id=\"1844485\" time=\"1524621020\" user_id=\"6230:

I will say that teens these days, in some ways they are less mature than us when we were at that age but in others, they are ahead of us when we were their age.

I do agree on this.......not very mature & yet more ahead than us in terms of technology, more open-minded too