Is school allowed to cane my child?

[Gracious999]

I need your advise on this issue. The incident happen as follow:


I received a call from my child formed teacher saying that she received an email from one of her student’s mother complaint that my child had been boxing/punching her child for a long period of time (about 3 to 4 months). She will want to make a POLICE REPORT! The school wanted to cane my child, but the formed teacher help to stop the canning.

After the formed teacher investigation, she found out that:
(for easy narration, my child: Peter and his classmate: John)
1) Peter tweak John neck. John felt painful and asked Peter to stop, Peter stopped doing.
2) Peter changed to box/punch John
3) Why Peter did these to John?
Because John did not response to him when he asked him for help.
Because Peter wanted to had him the worksheet, but John ignored him.
Because they compare result.

My questions:
1) My child did not know he hurt his friend. Moreover, John is his best friend.
2) Is the school allowed to cane my child without giving him any warning?
3) According to John’s mother, his child is very afraid of my child. Why did his child still telephone my child?
4) Has my child committed any crime? The police can take action against him? The child is not injured.
5) Now my child is very depress of this incident. Should I bring him to seek a psychology?

Please, this is not a complaint. I agreed that my child is wrong to lay his hand on someone, there is not excuse for him. But being a boy of 12 years old, he may not know how to express himself. My worry is he may enclosed himself from other friends, because I had not seen him so depressed before.
I advised my child to stay away from this friend, am I wrong to give him this advise?

The teacher suggest my child to go for counselling and I agreed. This morning my child called me the counselling will be tomorrow, but he sound so sad and depressed.

WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Thank for all advises.

[hquek]

Hi gracious999,


My son (when in K1) was also pinched and pushed and lightly boxed in one of his class. This went on for many months. And by a boy who wanted to be his friend, and for some reason, my son didn’t want to friend him. I had no clue what was going on - just felt it strange this boy kept shouting my son’s name when we’re leaving and my son studiously ignoring him. Only once when he burst into tears prior to class then I heard what is going on.

What I wanted to do: confront the child and his parent to tell them to lay off my son.

What I did: talk to the teacher to ask them to keep the 2 boys apart. Didn’t talk to the parent at all cos it may turn awkward and I had no proof what was going on.

From where I stood, I was very sad. As a parent, I was not able to protect him. MY CHILD could have developed a phobia of classes and in particular that subject just becos of that child’s "harassment". I know I would find it hard to concentrate if I knew that the person pinching me is hovering around me.

But fortunately, the teachers kept the other boy away much of the time thereafter and helped me keep a lookout thereafter. So following that no more issue.

And the strange thing is that the 2 boys are now friends - not the tightest of friends but they do play together and my son is now happy to acknowledge that child’s greetings.

[verykiasu2010]

the incident you described is one off


but your earlier description say 3 to 4 months ?

if the boxing /punching has been going on for 3 / 4 months or was this single incident happened 3 /4 months ago

Qn : if one off, why not warning first ?

Qn : if on going for 3 to 4 months, why no alert earlier or request to meet the parents ?

Qn : if on going, how come still good friends ?

[hquek]

I think the school should have kept you informed about this matter before deciding if to cane. Caning is only for really bad stuff like vandalising/playing truant. If the boy is not injured, I would think counselling and monitoring is the way to go.


I’m glad to see that you did say it’s not right for your son to hit pp - there are parents I’m sure who are oblivious that their kids can do wrong. If the boy is not seriously injured, I don’t know what the police can/will do.

In your son’s case, 12 years old, he should start learning to handle rejection. it’s no point to go around and pinch/punch pp, they will only fear and dislike him. He has to learn and cope with that.

Now is the time to minimise your son’s emotional scars. I think you are right in that if this is not handled out, he may retreat into a shell and not learn how to bond with people in future.

Talk to the teachers, and listen to the other parent side of the story. Perhaps the other parent just want to put a stop to it. She may feel it’s not right for her son to be another boy’s venting machine.

I will leave for others to provide better suggestions. But perhaps your son should apologise to the other child (maybe outside school?)? and maybe find another best friend?

my 2cts worth.

[Gracious999]

This has been on going for 3-4 months.


Until recently the mother complaint to the teacher, then the teacher bring to my attention. The reason for holding on for so long was not to cause my child being punished. But why after so many months then she brought up and to the extend of making a police report??

Your question is also my question, why is he afraid of my child still continue this friendship?

[ningy]

Hi gracious999


Any complaint fr ft over the yrs ? May be u can attend the counselling session with ur boy and see what advice fr counsellor. sometimes, boys can "play" violently - so punching/boxing may be no big deal if the other boy can accept it but it’s not ok when the other boy feels angry. ur boy needs to know the difference; especially when the other party says no. Of course canning is a BIG punishment and parents should be notified b4 such punishment; u should talk to ft and voiced ur concern ie. why so far no complaint fr her and insisted that u should be notified of all punishment.

If there’s no injury, i don’t think the police can do anything. nowadays some parents will call the police over everything no matter big or small. Hope ur son’s ft and classmates can be understanding and treat him as per normal and not discriminate him especially PSLE is coming soon. U need to work with counsellor and handle this situation well so as not to affect his morale.

[Gracious999]

Thank you hquek.


My child has apologised to his classmate, without his teacher asking. I’m happy that he knew his mistake.

My only worry now is how to help him overcome this incident.

[Gracious999]

Thank you ningy,


I had requested to sit in during the counselling, but the teacher said it is not necessary.

I will monitor my child and if he is still very depressed, I may seek help from outside counselling (not from the school).

[daisyt]

hi gracious999, my suggestion is for you to talk to John’s parent, to find out more in details what exactly has happened. Then, on another separate time, bring the two boys together, talk face to face in front of both parents. The objective here is to find out what exactly happened, from the parent’s view and from the children’s view. Sometimes, its just misunderstanding. Parents can see things differently from children and via versus.


Its also good to let both kids have a heart talk out, since they are still good friends.

My opinion is, fighting is quite a big offence in school. So the school would notify the parents during the first fight or injury and I am quite puzzled why 3 to 4 months later.

[ningy]

It’s great that ur son has taken the initiative to apologise and apology accepted. After the june holidays, everything can return to normal.