Me Time!

[Imp75]

Black Friday sale just shopped during noon break and after work… happy day… retail therapy

[Coolkidsrock2]

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"1950621\" time=\"1575024653\" user_id=\"43981:

Coolkidsrock2\" post_id=\"1950618\" time=\"1575023511\" user_id=\"48901:

[quote=laughingcat post_id=1950612 time=1575021014 user_id=3309]the fear of hooking to games. My fear of unwarranted physical contact.

Ditto - fear of Me Too.

Prefer study in public locations.

haha I fear Me Too, accident coz dds not those very street smart/alert type, habit, now like some of you say into gaming, etc etc..lastly the detachment from me my side, I book function rm too..let's see how is secondary. I do hope not much meeting up needed or use the email etc..[/quote]I do not recall much gatherings or group study in lower secondary. Quite a bit of time spent on CCA but am happy with the engagement as it means less time for mischief. Girls are usually sufficiently matured enough by upper secondary to manage their studies.

[sharonkhoo]

I preferred to have my kids meet their classmates in school rather than at their homes. Anyway, they tend to "meet" online nowadays and discuss and co-write stuff from home. You should encourage kids to do that if they can’t meet in school - safer, saves travel time, and you can keep a (distant) eye on things.

[sharonkhoo]

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"1950522\" time=\"1575000853\" user_id=\"43981:

I been thinking about dd taking public trpt recently as dd kept wanting to do that..so hearing dh thinking same, I m happy actually. I know it is good to let kids be independent in this area but personally I feel I would like to delay as much as possible for dd to have more open contact with her surroundings and outside ppl. Actually, I been quite reluctant to let her go friends house alone but somehow felt difficult to say no as the mom asked me and dd kept saying I want I want..but I told dd next year onwards I would be be stricter in this aspect liao.. I don't want it to turn to habit or think it as something very light issue..yeah for younger one, I refused few times for just dropping kiddo for playdates..I know I may be seen as anti social and gal's circle of friends sure affected but I just feel that I should do that. I told them to spend as much time with each other first..to me, building up a stronger relationship between siblings and us as a closer family unit are more important..strengthen this first before others...I think I m towards the extreme side yeah..

You should draw up a set of rules and principles for going to people's homes. For my kids, I only allowed it if I knew the parents and felt they were generally trustworthy. For a first time, I might even go with my child and stay for a while first. For things like parties and group gatherings, I would be less strict, but would tell my kids to make sure they arrived and left with others, so they were not the only one there.

For project work etc, I would tell them to meet in school. I discouraged meeting at fast food places etc, but sometimes it can't be helped if everyone else insisted. But this was when they were at least upper sec and older. And they can \"meet\" online easily now, so not much excuse that they must meet at someone's house.

Public transport - again, have rules. It makes it much easier to deal with kids if you have clear rules. My kids were allowed free reign on public transport during the day, but that didn't mean they didn't have to seek permission first (when younger) or keep me informed (even after they were in JC). When going to unfamiliar places, they would have to text me when they arrived, and when they left. We had restrictions on being out at night. Breaking rules meant grounding.

[jedamum]

Not encouraged to go friends’ house for projects, are we talking about primary school?

Sec school i feel is ok so long we know who the friends are.
My hb’s sec school good friends used to go over to his house for regular holidays stayovers (he said). He still recount those times fondly. Now they all uncles already and still meet up few times a year. They/the parents knew one another’s parents though. Those were the days when they studied in nearby school so everyone stayed within vicinity.

[sharonkhoo]

jedamum\" post_id=\"1950712\" time=\"1575081487\" user_id=\"159:

Not encouraged to go friends' house for projects, are we talking about primary school?
Sec school i feel is ok so long we know who the friends are.
My hb's sec school good friends used to go over to his house for regular holidays stayovers (he said). He still recount those times fondly. Now they all uncles already and still meet up few times a year. They/the parents knew one another's parents though. Those were the days when they studied in nearby school so everyone stayed within vicinity.

I would think secondary school age is just as \"risky\". I would still want to know more about the family (eg. who has access to the house, is there usually a responsible adult there, what the general house rules are, etc). Yes, quite restrictive, but better safe than sorry.

[Estéema]

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"1950743\" time=\"1575094955\" user_id=\"28674:

I would think secondary school age is just as \"risky\". I would still want to know more about the family (eg. who has access to the house, is there usually a responsible adult there, what the general house rules are, etc). Yes, quite restrictive, but better safe than sorry.

Absolutely agree!

Sec still need to watch & teach kids for their safety. Best if they’re on neutral grounds in school. Owise, Rotation & If at condo facilities (function room, study room, etc) like laughingcat does, still better than within house as kids might close door unless there is a responsible parent & house rules to hv discussion with open bedrm door or living room. Must agree no online gaming, solely project work.

[jedamum]

I see. Agree, especially for girls, though agree that boys need to be vigilant too. But despite the ground rules, some kids wanna exercise own judgment and may not tell the parents in advance. My ds2 went with his classmate/gd friend to his house to pick up stuff before cca started because that boy stays nearby school. He was so excited to tell us his adventures and only told us over dinner that day. I recall during my own time, my mum only knew 1 girl(cca mate) whom i always pop over her house to chat. I get to know my gd friend's sis, grandma and nephew. My mum didn't know my other adventures to other friends' house as they were just short ones decided on the spot back in those days where we didn't own hp. One encounter i didnt like was a cca mateinvited us but one of the other girls brought her bf who brought his guy friend. I was uncomfortable and never went for future invites. Another incident which was more meaningful was also an adhoc trip to another cca mate house. I learned that both her parents were working and she was taking care of her ailing grandma (we were only sec 2 or 3) and had to pop back home to send meals during cca breaks - our cca training was full day during sch holidays. We viewed her in newfound respect, seeing her patience and how she assisted her wheelchair bound grandma in the bathroom for a shower(we waited in her tiny living room). Some of these encounters are really life lessons. While I think my mum would have killed me if she knew :heresmyfish:


For me is i permit my boys to go to their friend's house if they are someone i know of. But mainly, they need to be able to do their own character judgement and be a brave whistle blower. Ds2 is still work in progress. Ds1 is such since v young. His first proj outing was to a gal classmate house after reassuring me the whole family was around (i knew the classmate and the mum). He came back telling us they did the proj in living room and had dinner together, with the parents \"interrogating\" him over stuff.

[sharonkhoo]

jedamum\" post_id=\"1950773\" time=\"1575106387\" user_id=\"159:

...But mainly, they need to be able to do their own character judgement and be a brave whistle blower...

I agree with this. And the age when they are able to do this reliably varies from child to child. It's best to be watchful earlier until you have confidence in your child's judgement. But it also means parents need to be open to listen to the child's stories or they will simply hide what they are doing, and you have no means to assess how good their judgement is.

[MrsKiasu]

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"1950706\" time=\"1575078649\" user_id=\"28674:

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"1950522\" time=\"1575000853\" user_id=\"43981:

I been thinking about dd taking public trpt recently as dd kept wanting to do that..so hearing dh thinking same, I m happy actually. I know it is good to let kids be independent in this area but personally I feel I would like to delay as much as possible for dd to have more open contact with her surroundings and outside ppl. Actually, I been quite reluctant to let her go friends house alone but somehow felt difficult to say no as the mom asked me and dd kept saying I want I want..but I told dd next year onwards I would be be stricter in this aspect liao.. I don't want it to turn to habit or think it as something very light issue..yeah for younger one, I refused few times for just dropping kiddo for playdates..I know I may be seen as anti social and gal's circle of friends sure affected but I just feel that I should do that. I told them to spend as much time with each other first..to me, building up a stronger relationship between siblings and us as a closer family unit are more important..strengthen this first before others...I think I m towards the extreme side yeah..

You should draw up a set of rules and principles for going to people's homes. For my kids, I only allowed it if I knew the parents and felt they were generally trustworthy. For a first time, I might even go with my child and stay for a while first. For things like parties and group gatherings, I would be less strict, but would tell my kids to make sure they arrived and left with others, so they were not the only one there.

For project work etc, I would tell them to meet in school. I discouraged meeting at fast food places etc, but sometimes it can't be helped if everyone else insisted. But this was when they were at least upper sec and older. And they can \"meet\" online easily now, so not much excuse that they must meet at someone's house.

Public transport - again, have rules. It makes it much easier to deal with kids if you have clear rules. My kids were allowed free reign on public transport during the day, but that didn't mean they didn't have to seek permission first (when younger) or keep me informed (even after they were in JC). When going to unfamiliar places, they would have to text me when they arrived, and when they left. We had restrictions on being out at night. Breaking rules meant grounding.

slmkhoo, thanks for the advice.. happened also dd1's first play date was about same like yours..we were able to sat in, stay & chat to know the family members, wait for all friends to be there before we went off..now thinking back, the parents were so thoughtful..

so far the project works, they were done through phone calls, emails, meetings after cca/supp class and each got a section to do with WhatsApp as communication tool which I find, very good. Just hope with the teammates for future proj, they able do the same too.

why I worry abt dd leh, coz few times she will do own cooking when I attend some lessons outside even though I already prepared food for them. sometimes she says she just wants to make something for me even though I told her not to..so just worry she wont listen and may just go out when feel like it esp they will have some opportunities to do so next yr due to some of my commitments. So I m thinking, don't know how to do it maybe a better prevention..till I m more comfortable with it.