Singapore still far behind in true gender equality
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I am turning green with envy.
I can count the number of times DH changed diapers or made milk or fed DD and DS, when they were younger, in 1 hand. And he cannot use breast feeding as an excuse as they were both on total EBM.
Now that they are older, DH’s involvement with them is sporadic at best. Usually in the play and at times discipline department. I handle all their school and enrichment matters including coaching them, ferrying them to and from their classes, etc. DH will only ask the occasional how did DD do for her this or that test.
Same story with household matters. We have a live in helper so that eases a lot of the workload. However, when to replenish what, arranging for maintenance, repairs, etc, all still mostly handled by me. DH’s department is the house network and cable vision and the occasional replacement of lightbulbs.
So in my case, I can fully identify with the part on gender inequality on the home front. But that does not really stop me from wanting to have more kids. I still think that it is very much a personal choice. Having a more involved partner will ease the stress and workload but it does not really tip the balance that much. -
Funz:
I agree.
So in my case, I can fully identify with the part on gender inequality on the home front. But that does not really stop me from wanting to have more kids. I still think that it is very much a personal choice. Having a more involved partner will ease the stress and workload but it does not really tip the balance that much.
I decided to have a second baby even though I knew very well that my hubby cannot help. I wanted another child so that my older girl does not feel lonely. My mother lives with me and offers very reliable help, together with a maid, and these were my main considerations when I decide whether to have another baby. -
DH helps out as much as he can, although he's not that meticulous in taking care of DS. I still do it most of the time... he leaves the disciplining to me as well though because he's the more lenient type. I appreciate him for helping out in some little ways that he can since he doesn't do that before, and I can see that he's trying his best.
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I am already green with envy at all the posts here.
I am in an almost similar situation as Funz. DH hardly helps at all and I do not have any part-time or live-in helper. Running of the house full-time falls on me and it can get stressful at times, plus looking into DS school and tuition matters. I also work full-time. Mum and MIL live too far away to help. There is definitely gender inequality here. I saw the red flags earlier on and I’ve decided that having one is enough for me. -
I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
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tamarind:
I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
sashimi will say that it's cos he pengsan already from earning money to support us and he prefers to spend time with his DDs.
nope, we won't be having another one, even if you can guarantee it'll be another girl. i don't think sashimi can handle the stress of supporting another child when i remain a SAHM. also, i hate taking care of 2 babies at the same time so if i have to wait 6-7 years again to have no. 3, my body cannot tahan all the stress all over again. :faint: -
schellen:
schellen,tamarind:
I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
sashimi will say that it's cos he pengsan already from earning money to support us and he prefers to spend time with his DDs.
nope, we won't be having another one, even if you can guarantee it'll be another girl. i don't think sashimi can handle the stress of supporting another child when i remain a SAHM. also, i hate taking care of 2 babies at the same time so if i have to wait 6-7 years again to have no. 3, my body cannot tahan all the stress all over again. :faint:
I think you have described the problems that many couples are facing. Even if the hubby is very helpful, both hubby and wife still have to go through a lot of stress and hardship taking care of kids.
Actually if we can continue to earn our current salary, but live in China, then we will be able to afford one nanny for each child ! My neighbour from mainland China said that she can employ a maid for RMB 300 a month in China to take care of her baby, so she sent her baby to China (to live with grandparents) and brought him back to Singapore when he was 3 years old. If we can get good maids at that kind of salary, I wonder if couples will want to have more kids ?
May be we can all send our babies to nannies in China, and bring them back when they are 4 years old. Then they will sure excel in their Chinese Just a wild idea.
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tamarind:
Dear all, what are your views of the above article ?
Somewhat biased cos it doesn't really reflect on all companies or
organisations in fair view, neither it is just about equal parenting
roles or the what nots. The decision to have more babies/children
stem from so many factors depending on each individual family &
honestly no report can blanket sweep a few statements to justify
that.
One that truly matters, is money. In the government's drive to make
Singapore a first world country... we are being made to pay the price
of living in this first world country, where money is never enough.
Everything from the conception point must have financial issues
factored in. It is hard for a family to have a baby when there is
no spare change. The bulk of our salaries upon pay day, is oredi
gone for all the bills... phone bills, mortgage, utility bills, sch fees,
enrichment fees, family maintenance, marketing & groceries, all
so many more depending again on each family's commitment...
While all the taxes are going up (to fit that 1st world dream), salaries
are either still at last recession's percentage cut or maintaining at the
snail's scale. Even the 20% employer CPF contribution is still not fully
restored till today. Where is that rainbow for us then; in that future
that has us at the top of the world status?
One who dares claim money isn't everything either has too much $ or
doesn't know how to spend it or one who has never been poor. No
matter what anyone says, money is still key factor in deciding the
baby idea. Parenting needs can still be worked out with alternernative
options but without $ the stress of sustaining a family will fall hard and
suppress the happiness of having children. Having said that, the comfort
level of what's enough is again subjective to individual families.
I have seen underprivileged families and dysfunctional families having a
brood of 6 with zero parental support, almost no income and let's not
even go into the schooling part of it..... the children have barely nothing
to eat every day, lives off whatever welfare and hand outs, children are
wandering all over the place learning to be street smart and learning all
the survival skills all on their own... These are irresponsible parents who
know they cannot raise children and cannot afford to even have children,
but yet they have no qualms in having one a yr! These children have to
live a life of extreme poverty in rented rooms and learn to fend for
themselves.
We are considered fortunate to have 3-5 meals a day, our children can
attend good kindies, we are involved parents and we care enough to want
to raise our children well... hence without first having $, how are we
supposed to even comprehend the idea of having children? We work so hard
to ensure things are enough if not more, and then at least we can still have
that happy end of the day to spend with our children.tamarind:
My dad and my husband fits the above roles. :love:Just curious, how many fathers here actively help out with house work, caring for kids, teaching kids, etc ?
Housework 100%. Automatic... Willing... Selfless...
Caring for kids 75%... due to work schedule.
Teaching kids 75%... due to work schedule.
Does grocery shopping, marketing including cleaning up the meats like
fish, prawns, crabs, chicken before packing them into the freezer... takes
care of living parents and siblings, brings children out for family time like
swimming, movies, holidays, playgrounds, beach trips & more.
Even throws in couple time to unwind, the occasional massages and feet
press-es too. :love:
Yes. All the above (in fact... more) on top of working full time.
Takes extra days leave from what's given for pathetic paternity
leave.. company gives day off or few hours off for daddies to be
there for children's first day off school. Company allows for urgent
leave to care for sick children or wife. Company organises family day
and family get togethers so that spouses can get to know other
colleagues and bosses. Spouses get to understand work commitments.
Never had a confinement person around. Only massage ladies at most
for a week or so. The rest we DIY together. Private limited. No maid till
today. Still surviving...
*pant* and still preparing to see through
that rainbow not from any world class country acknowledgment but from
sheer hard work and for the love of the family.
With our coming baby #3, we know we have to work even harder to see
to it to the end of that rainbow... and not to mention, starting all over
again...... but with enough love for the family, we'll know it's
worth it. -
well, i’ll like to say i’m also helping to care for kids, but of course i pale in comparison to DW.
i’ll send DS to childcare everyday en-route to work. if i go home early, i’ll bathe DS if he’s too lazy to bathe himself (we’re just starting to make him do that). DD has been bathing herself already, but i’ll bathe her after she has a hair-cut, or if she’s ill. All these after dinner, which DW will take care of.
after dinner, DW will supervise DD with her homework. now we’re getting DS to do some too, and I’ll have to engage him to avoid him going to DW and DD to distract them.
DW will bring DS home and I’ll get DD to go to bed at my parents’ place.
DW fetches both home btw, and since she goes back earlier than i do, she’ll do the laundry too.
on weekends, DW supervise their homework much more, and i’ll provide ferry service to kids and my mum if necessary.
as for housework, i’ll help out with laundry if DW is busy, but she does the bulk of it, including ironing, herself. i take care of the occasional fault/repair in the house.
when kids were younger, i would help to change diapers and bath too, but could only help with feeding when they changed to formula.
oh, when wife travels (occasionally) for work, then i will have to do her share too - except make do with regards to the housework part… -
May 26, 2010
LOW BIRTH RATE
A nation of spoilt princesses?
THE Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) seemed to suggest last Thursday (‘Singapore still far behind in true gender equality: Aware’) that women are free from blame for the declining birth rate in Singapore.
In Singapore, most parents urge their children to excel in studies and focus on their career. Few prepare their children for the rigours of parenthood.
Many households also employ maids. As a result, our boys and girls grow up lacking parenting skills and are clueless about household chores. The boys, however, have responsibilities forced upon them in the form of national service. Not so the girls. They are free to place personal ambition above all else.
Many women choose to remain single because they do not see the need or the urgency to get married. They do not need a man to provide for them and they can always depend on their girlfriends for emotional support. As for sex, few see the need to have it regularly.
Even when a woman does want to get married, her expectations get in the way. The man must be her ‘type’. He must have a great job, good income, be reasonably good-looking and he must also charm her off her feet before she will contemplate marriage.
Our society glorifies the career woman. Lifestyle and fashion magazines devote pages to tips for the career woman to get ahead. Floors in shopping malls cater exclusively to the needs of these women and credit card and insurance companies vie for their money.
As a result, women are spoilt for choice. Egged on by society, free from national service and reservist obligations and not needing a man, they are totally free to focus exclusively on their careers. Choosing to get married and have children is committing career suicide.
The conclusion is inevitable. We have raised a nation of ‘spoilt princesses’ unwilling and unable to handle the rigours of motherhood.
Sulthan Niaz
Taken from ST Forum.
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